That's right... known in the Retail World as Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving is an American tradition of hauling your ass up at the crack of pre-dawn to wait in line in front of your favorite store to by the cheapest pieces of leader crap available. Those $20 MP3 players. Those $30 VCRs! OH MY GOODNESS!! LOOK AT THE DEALS!!!!

1. If a price is too good to be true... it is exactly that. Give cash. Trust me, you kids/wife/inlaws will appreciate it more.

2. When a salesperson tells you that they have sold out of something... they have. They are not hiding one for their buddie under the counter. They are not picking and choosing which customer will get what they want. They are not lying to you. Its gone. Bye-bye. See ya later.

3. Getting angry with a salesperson because the particular piece of leader crap that you are looking for is no where to be found is not appropriate. We have enough to deal with. We understand that you are frustrated. We really do. However, you are probably the sixtieth person who has asked. So when they say "No." don't go off on some enraged consumer fit. Don't shout out to everyone in hearing that "THIS STORE IS TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF!!!" or "I DEMAND A RAINCHECK!!!!" or "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 HOURS IN LINE TO GET THIS THING!!!" We're sorry. Deal with it. We have other people who are screaming at us that we have to tend to. Drive though.

4. If you want help, say so. We aren't going to try to force you into buying something you don't want to. But standing around like an idiot when there are at least 7 people to every salesperson is not going to get you helped, nor will getting pissed of and ripping up our add and then throwing it at the nearest salesperson. We try to get to everyone. We really do. If for some reason you are more important that everyone else in the store, just let us know... and we will continue to ignore you um... get someone right with you!

5. Be prepared to wait. You are the stupid fuck savy customer that got up early to go raid shop at your local retailers, along with the rest of America.

6. I have said this again and again... and will many many times, I am sure. BEING RUDE DOES NOT GET YOU HELPED ANY FASTER!!! IT DOES NOT GET YOU BETTER SERVICE!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!! ****smack*****

7. You may have been up since 6 am shopping. We have been up since 5 am helping each and everyone one of you who has been up since 6 am shopping. Retailers generally have their employees work the ENTIRE DAY (anywhere from 6 am to Midnight... one shift) with a half-hour break that we generally miss because we can't make it through the customers to the break-room. Some of us also smoke, which is expressly FORBIDDEN that day. So... not only are we tired (like you), cranky (like you) and frustrated (like you) we are also starving and fiending. Please, please, please... be kind. Be gentle. Be nice. Nurses in psycho-wards on full moons do not have a day like we do on Black Friday.

8. Know what you want. If you need someone to hold you hand and tell you what to buy, come back the next day... or maybe the next week. I promise that, with the exception of the leader pieces of crap, the prices will be the same. We don't need special sales. If we are open, you will come.