Well, I did it.
I've caught up with the rest of the underlings and finally stepped inside a Hot Topic for the first time ever.
Verdict:
O NO MY EYES MY EYES BURN
Now, there are supposedly people who shop exclusively at this store and parade around as "goth"? I weep for the species. I have heard the stories and rumours about this place, but never having been there I couldn't draw a conclusion of my own. Now that I know, well...
Ow, my head.
Let's have a summation of what happened when I went into this store until I left. All minutes are accompanied by the patent-pending PAIN-O-INFLICT-O-METER-O-PAIN that measures the pain level of yours truely at various stages.
1:10 PM: Found Hot Topic on directory map and got lost looking for it. Found it four minutes later. Sang "Ich Will" aloud and scared the unholy shit out a 7 year old.
POIOMOP: Running the Boston marathon in thick mud while everyone stares at me.
1:14 PM: Find Hot Topic and sorta stared at the boot rack outside while documenting the various mall rats miling in and out. Standard mall goths, somewhat dressed in baggy faded black and some alternikids who seemed to have been lost. Entered... the store.
POIOMOP: Being smothered with a pillow while being hung upside down and spun in circles.
1:16 PM: Looked at the shirt rack and couldn't find a single non-black 100% cotton t-shirt there. All had the cliched sayings and stupid pictures on them. Counted 3 Manson t-shirts and one I liked (was an Invader Zim one). Stomach convulses in pain. Approached by sales-rep, decided to do the German spiel.
POIOMOP: Apply Turpentine to own testicles, repeat.
1:21 PM: Asked how I was by sales rep. Replied with a hearty and deep "GUTEN TAG!" and slink to the back of the store. See a pudgy 14-year old trying on Doc-Marten/New Rock bastard child knock off boots with his mother standing near by and shaking her head. Hear the kid whine, smirk because I just bought new US Army Field boots at the Army Navy surplus and was wearing them because they kick my shins' ass. I check out the pillar of arm junk. Fat kid whines more.
POIOMOP: Performing open-heart surgery without anesthsea and with a rusty fork.
1:24 PM: Approached by another sales-rep with tattoos running up and down his arms and a sort of emo look to his head. Asks if I want anything specific, reply with "Nehem sie Kanadisches Geld?" in a gruff voice. When he says "What?", shake a Canadian 10 spot in his face and watch him try to clue in. Got bored and looked at the blacklight jewlery. Then looked at the prices.
POIOMOP: Sitting rectum-first onto an Imperial German WW1 helmet (Yeah, the ones with the spikes).
1:27 PM: I am being watched by a pudgy girl with too much mascara and actual white-face on. She is staring directly at me and it is creeping me out. Urge to kick her in the face is starting to increase, settle myself down with "Mother Russia" playing through my cheap-ass headphones. She is looking at me and I want her to stop looking at me because she has this look of pudgy lust as a fat person looks at a stick of butter from being a glass window and is still looking at me. I try to find a good fishnet shirt but the image of her licking her lips makes me want to remove the part of my brain that forms images via emergency in-ear lobotomy with a dull pencil.
POIOMOP: Playing "Guess the Disease" with various medical waste and proceedings to eat every last piece.
