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“I’ve been having dreams lately. Dreams where I jump from rooftops but
do not fall.” No reply, the smell of the leather couch beneath me as I spoke
without thinking, the words flowing like water. “I’ve been having dreams
lately. Where the water falls upwards. Time turns backwards. I’m in a house
of portraits which reflect the sea and when I reach out to touch the paint
work, I pull away with a hand wet and smelling of salt.” “You’ve been having dreams?” I nodded.
“And you feel the wetness of the water and smell the salt?” I nodded. “I dream that I was a child, I never
dreamt as a child, I dream the way a child dreams, with all the phobias and
when you think of one it happens. I dream about wandering fields of wild
flowers and walking out into the sea. When I walk out into the sea, I can
walk beneath the waves, I can breathe, hear the crashing of the waves
echoing.” I sighed. “In your dreams you are a child, you
have innocent dreams?” I nodded, “And nightmares?” I nodded. “You walk
beneath the waves, you hear them crashing on the shore?” I nodded. “I didn’t used to dream at all. I used
to just sleep.” “And you continue living as normal?” I shook my head, afraid to admit it. “I
wake up on the shore, soaked, even on cold mornings I’m warm, as if the sun
behind clouds heats the water like it heats metal. I woke up in an art
gallery once, it must have been midday on a week day, I was by a huge
painting of the sea, my hand was wet but when I reached out to touch the
portrait…” “Nothing happened?” he asked. I nodded.
“And what was it that bought you here?” “I dreamt I drove my car into a lorry
on the motorway, I woke up in hospital and they told me that had happened.
That’s when I was referred to you.” He nodded knowingly but said nothing.
“Does this mean the other dreams happened also?” “I don’t know.” He said. I sighed. “I
don’t see how some of these things can be true.” He paused, “Have you taken
any medication?” I shook my head, “Any illegal substances?” I shook my head. “I am,” I paused and rephrased, “I was
a doctor, they often tested us for drugs, as we had access to them.” I
sighed, “But when I started showing up on beaches, in fields and art
galleries, I they forced my resignation, I was not fit to work but I thought
it would just go away, or that nothing bad would happen, it did.” “May I suggest something?” He asked me,
I nodded. “Tomorrow afternoon, I would like to take you to a beach, I would
like to see what happens.” I was shocked, it was almost as if he
thought the dreams were real, that he thought I could walk in the sea, be one
with the waves. I dreamt that night that I was in a dark, I don’t know what it was,
but there was a pin prick of light, so far off. I walked and walked, it
seemed like years of walking, I was getting younger and younger until I could
barely walk and then I reached the light and I was a foetus, in the womb of
the mother, light and then, I was gone. Torn in two and so small that nobody
could see me. “Torn in two?” He asked me as we drove
out to the cost, “So small, that nobody could see you? Unborn?” I nodded.
“And nothing happened to you?” “Nothing.” I said. “Have you had any other dreams, in
which nothing happened?” I nodded, waited and then explained. “I was in the hospital, the day
they gave me my job, but not. What I mean is. I came in, it was evening, I
did my day, watched a man’s heart start beating after he’d been declared
dead, watched broken arms taken out of casts and stitches taken out of gaping
wounds, it was all backwards. Then at the beginning of the day, I was, well,
I can’t explain it but I hadn’t been given the job because the day hadn’t
happened.” I paused, “The next day was the day I lost my job.” He nodded sympathetically. “I see, I do not see how this relates to
last nights dream.” I tried to say something but he cut across me. “I suppose
we’ll just have to see what happens today.” I sighed, I knew what would
happen today but still I let him drive me to the sea, just to see what would
happen when I already knew. We got out of the car on a rather grey, clouded day; on a rather dull, pebbled beach. I took my shoes off and felt the rough pebbles under my feet. “Now, you understand what we are doing, don’t |
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Dream of
the Sea |