| Tertulis Yang tertulis hari ini bukanlah hanya yang terpandang dan yang terdengar. Tapi yang terasa. Like what I saw, heard and felt about a couple of weeks ago. Some would shrug shoulders and take it as a common parking lot incident. Tapi entah lah, pada saya it was something yang payah nak dilupa. A teenage boy begging for some money. My hubby just ignored him, dismissing the boy's plea and his sad story. I could see a shopping bag on his one hand which �lessened� the impact of his cerita sedih. But his eyes reminded me of an Ebiet G. Ade's song : "Aku temukan anak kecil kurus terkapar menutup wajah dengan telapak tangan nya aku gamit dia terperanjat melompat terbangun dan menatapku dengan nanar...." I don't blame my husband for being 'indifferent'. But somehow jiwa saya jadi terpanggil untuk tahu. And somehow ... tersayu. Had the boy asked ME for money, I wouldn�t have given any either. Tak terselesaikan masalah. Like money itself yang selalu memasalahkan. None, too little, or too much. Pokoknya money is never enough. Tapi sungguh dari sudut matanya, the boy had his own story. Quite a number of assumptions were exchanged between my husband and I that night. Many more ... between my mind and soul since that very same night. I wish I had taken the time to ask. But I didn't. Which would seem normal agaknya ya ? Me, taking the time to care to ask why he did what he did. Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, taking in the sad stories - ayah nya yang sakit, siblings nya yang ramai. Or does normal mean ... doing what I did ? Entah lah. If the latter was normal, why to this day can I not forgive myself ? Was I too proud to at least ask why ? Sometimes saya terasa, that I do have this attitude "kalau tidak saya, who else ?" Kenapa tidak that night, tak terjawabkan. What was I too proud of ? Ahhh ! * Enida March 28, 2001. |
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This page can also be viewed as a diary entry at C'est Enida : Enida's Silent Thoughts.. |
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