Jason and I have been married since August 14, 1999. In all that time, we have not been able to have children. I know some may say that we are still young and have plenty of time. Some of you may also say to just be patient, it is all in God's timing. I would like to believe all of your kind words, but my hope is stretched a little thin. Until you have tried and tried with no success to have children, you will never understand what others go through.
Although I am happy for all of them, it is very hard for me to hear about another friend or family member who is pregnant. It just tears my heart out. Words will never express to you the sorrow I feel over not being able to have a child of our own. You always wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?"
We have not sought medical advice, but from what I have read online, we would be considered infertile. According to many sources, "If you and your partner have been having unprotected intercourse for more than a year yet still haven't managed to conceive, it's possible that you, your partner, or the two of you have some sort of fertility problem." It has been over six years for us. I think we would fall into that category. I know all of this sounds very blunt and to the point, but there is no other way to be about this situation.
There are many times I have asked God, "Why?" I have never received an answer. God doesn't work that way and I know it. It is just hard to see so many others be blessed with ease, it seems and yet we struggle. It just doesn't seem fair at times.
I do know that we are not the only ones who deal with this. "Infertility affects at least 20-25% of couples who are of reproductive age."
From The CDC website:
Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired ability to have children: 6.1 million
Number of women who've used infertility services: 9 million
Number of married couples that are infertile: 2.1 million
Number of women using infertility services: 9.3 million
Those were the numbers in the U.S. in 1995. Makes you wonder how many people are affected now. The numbers are astounding. I thought we were alone, until I read about all of that. Then I began to try to find some support from people who had the same struggle as us. I found some wonderful websites that are Christian based. I found Sisters that knew what I was going through and had been through worse. It is nice to find support and to know we are not alone.
I would like to ask each of you to pray for Jason and I as we continue to trust God. Please be patient with us if we snap or don't seem happy for you or others who are expecting. We still love and are happy for you and them, we are just internally grieving for ourselves. Thank you for your understanding. This is a very hard subject to share with everyone. We love you all.
