Rendaw: Hey, all! Me and my brother, Jon, are here to make a review of the movie "8 Mile" staring controversial rap artist, Eminem!
Jon: But of course, there's no way in hell we're actually going to see the movie, so guess what? We've got the star of the show here for a personal interview!
Rendaw: That we do, Jon, and here he is; the one, the only, Emiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin-EM!
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
Eminem: Shitburger.
Rendaw: Good day to you, too, Eminem. So, as I have already told the good viewers (both of them), I've come with a few questions. You cool with that, homes?
Eminem: Fecus.
Rendaw: Um...
Eminem: Dildo.
Jon: Wha...?
Eminem: Asshole.
Rendaw: Er, Eminem, would you mind if I asked just what the hell just crawled up your ass?
Eminem: Fuck.
Jon: Hey, Rendaw. Check this out, man!
Eminem: Decrepit.
Rendaw: What is...holy shit, this isn't Eminem! It's just a cardboard box with Eminem painted on it, and a tape that randomly spouts obscenities taped on the back!
Eminem Swearbox: Dumbass.
Jon: Well, you gotta admit; it's a convincing replacement.
Eminem Swearbox: Volvulus.
Rendaw: Dude, we didn't arrange this! We're supposed to be interviewing the actual, genuine Eminem here!
Eminem Swearbox: Cock.
Jon: Well, I suppose we could get him here; I mean, it can be done...
Eminem Swearbox: Urethra.
Rendaw: How do we do that?
Eminem Swearbox: Diahrea.
Jon: Well, apparently, Eminem will only ever come when somebody french-kisses a sheep. And, well, we have a sheep here, so all you have to do is...
Eminem Swearbox: Doobie.
Rendaw: Forget it. I'm not frenching a sheep.
Eminem Swearbox: Gary Busey.
Jon: No way, dude. All you have to do is draw Adam Sandler here. He'll do it without even being asked; he's just that retarded.
Eminem Swearbox: Bogtrotter.
Rendaw: And how do we do that?
Adam Sandler: Duuuuuuuuuuh...HI! Huh-huh...
Jon: Speak the name of the devil, and he will come. Same goes with Sandler.
Eminem Swearbox: Pukejar.
Rendaw: So, now Adam Sandler's gonna start frenching the sheep?
Jon: Gonna? Dude, he's already started!
Rendaw: What do you...oh, FUCK, that's disgusting!
This had better fucking work, man! This is just sick!
Jon: I know, but it works. Eminem can't help himself; it's like some sort of sick-th sense.
Eminem (the real Slim Shady): Hey, muthafuckaz! What I miss?
Jon: See what I mean?
Rendaw: Oh yes. Well, Jon and I supposedly called you here for an interview, but we're actually here to kill you.
Eminem: WTF, man?
Rendaw: Yup. (Rendaw and Jon pull out guns) You see, we're actually highly trained assassins.
Jon: Uh-huh. Read "Assassination for Dummies" and everything.
Eminem: What the fuck? How can you kill me? I'm Eminem!
Rendaw: Oh, it's nothing personal. It's just that Mariah Carey, creator of the shitfest "Glitter", is paying us a whole wad of cash to kill you.
Jon: She says there's only room for one shitty singer/actor in America.
Rendaw: Oh, yeah, and your music is also the shits, too. Like I said, nothing personal.
Eminem: Mothafucka! You can't kill me! (rips off flesh, leaving only bones) I AM ALREADY UNDEAD! MWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
Jon: Um...
Eminem Skeleton: I'm a skeleton, dumbass. An evil, walking skeleton bereft of any soul or human qualities. And now I'm going to kill you with my skeleton-powers!
Rendaw: Oh, no you're not.
Eminem Skeleton: And why, pray-tell, shall I be unable to do so?
Jon: Dude, quit the fancy-talk. These guns we're packing here were designed specifically for skullfucking people in the head. Key word: skullfucking people.
Rendaw: Ludarcis as it may sound, we were prepared for the posibility of your being a part of the walking dead. (both guns level with Eminem's skull) Any last words?
Eminem Skeleton: ...
Guns: (skullfuck Eminem)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
Rendaw: I guess the real Slim Shady couldn't stand up to that, eh? Heh-heh-heh...
Jon: So, what now?
Rendaw: Well, we've still got two more undead celebrities to skullfuck; there's Britney Spears, maker of "Crossroads", and Jennifer Lopez, maker of who-knows how many dreadful movies.
Jon: What about Snoop Dogg? He's made a lot of movies.
Rendaw: We already BOOM-shizzled his nizzle on the way here, remember? He turned out to be an Egyptian mummy.
Jon: Oh yeah.
Redaw: Well, let's go. That huge wad of cash isn't just going to give itself to us!
Jon: Alright!
Rendaw: Awe-SOME!
Eminem Swearbox: Poo-poo.
CREDITS: Sheep part of picture by "animalscience.persianblog.com/", sandler part of picture by "adorocinema.cidadeinternet.com".
