1. Flirting is a way of life.
2. Don�t walk into the sunroom when Judd and Laurie are inside alone.
3. Getting stuck inside the barrel is a possibility.
4. Actors do not appreciate techies enough, they just say they do.
5. Never give dry ice to a room full of stupid actors.
6. Do not let an actress with a face full of makeup hit her head on your shoulder.
7. Dry ice can be felt through gardening gloves.
8. Real flowers are not cool.
9. When answering the audience�s questions, the actors do not realize that without techies, there would be no fog.
10. Although not heavy, the wedding table does hurt when it is slammed into you.
11. Never trust an actor to keep a secret.
12. Never sing a parody of an actor�s song around him/her.
13. Straw gets everywhere.
14. Dry wall can be used in place of chalk.
15. Act I is boring.
16. Do not block the hall for anyone taller than you.
17. Fight scenes are underrated.
18. Falling hurts.
19. Marc makes loud noises when actors drop him.
20. People who you least want to turn up at opening night always do.
21. Be afraid.
22. There is a God.
23. Advil rocks.
24. Tell your parents to pick you up an hour before they should, because they will most likely be an hour late.
25. Never bring your favorite book to the theatre and expect it to stay alive.
26. Michael looks like a girl when wearing makeup.
27. Cowboy hats are annoying.
28. Techies are meant to serve water.
29. Being a slave is not fun.
30. Don�t let Quentin hang around the girl�s dressing room door.
31. Perverts are real.
32. Boiling water can singe your new jeans.
33. Never complain about having to wear a skirt to Michael.
34. Never bring a soliloquy to the theatre and expect to have time to memorize it.
35. Never laugh at actors during warm-ups.
36. Never bring anything to the theatre and expect to get it done.
37. Never leave dry ice unattended in a bowl of water.
38. Don�t trust drummers wearing joker hats.
39. Smile and nod, smile and nod.
40. Try not to laugh when you see Marc flirting with three girls at once.
41. Never call a master flirt gay.
42. Don�t forget to push down the break on the smokehouse.
43. Use glue for moustaches.
44. Don�t try to sing along with warm-ups.
45. Never sing along with solos.
46. How drunk are they?
47. Never give techies M&Ms before a performance.
48. Badges rock.
49. Techies will always find something to do.
50. Never trust techies with glow tape.
51. Actors weren�t meant to dance in high-heeled shoes.
52. Beware of Marc behind wheels.
53. Orange flowers and weddings do not mix.
54. Never give a techie a pencil.
55. Roasting glow tape is fun.
56. Guns are healthy.
57. Elephant masks are evil.
58. Nicole is unhealthily nice.
59. Never tell Nicole that she is unhealthily nice.
60. Never mention movies within Dash�s bubble.
61. Marc never misses an opportunity.
62. Marc directing fight scenes is scary.
63. Inside jokes rule.
64. Perverts + Elbows + Can-can dresses = BAD.
65. Never have Marc answer questions from the audience.
66. Too much glow tape can make the stage look like an airfield.
67. Never tell the set designer that the set looks like the fires of Hell.
68. Techies are too good at mind reading.
69. To actors, techies are one and the same.
70. The actor Allison�s favorite books are more than slightly disturbing.
71. Never leave Katie alone with the Board of Love.
72. Never take pictures of Katie.
73. Never ponder where Marc�s porn came from.
74. There is a bright golden haze on the meadow.
75. Never talk about punctuation with hyper guys.
76. Never put backpacks on top of brushes.
77. Father�s don�t have daughters with guns.
78. Never give actors chalk.
79. �You mean that road-kill back in the parking lot?� is a phrase often used by actors when referring to techies.
80. Michael enjoys having his hair fondled.
81. Never compare the audience to a group of stoned grandparents.
82. Do not ever talk about your love life at YTN.
83. Never give Katie fake poppies.
84. �Hello yourself� can be translated to �Fuck you!�
85. All guys were born without brains.
86. Some guys have the creepy natural talent of being able to put on makeup.
87. Never write insults directed towards a group of people on public babble boards.
88. The genes in Y-chromosomes must include ones for stupidity (or exclude ones for intelligence).
89. Actors + mops + bucket of water = FLOOD!!!
90. Always check that the brake is up before trying to bring on the smokehouse.
91. Michael laughs like a rabid horse.
92. Wrapping a rubber band around your finger is suicide.
93. Don�t depend on a guy during a scene change.
94. Michael has terrible ideas.
95. Michael looks old way too well.
96. Actors need leashes (save for one former techie).
97. The orchestra needs to rehearse more.
98. The first Thursday show has gone to the dogs.
99. �Shit� also functions as �hello�.
100. Never sing or hum while on headset.
101. Stage managers were not meant to conduct warm-ups.
102. Guys weren�t meant to dance with girls while wearing boots.
103. Never have your parents see a performance.
104. Flowers on bobby pins always fall out.
105. Some male actors behave like unhouse-broken dogs.
106. Never give Marc a hair claw.
107. Never let Katie near an iron.
108. Never let a techie near glitter.
109. Stupid is a guys do.
110. Referring to punctuation as the female pain ritual in the presence of females is the equivalent of suicide.
111. Windex is a great weapon.
112. Febreez is the theatre Holy Grail.
113. Islanders freak out about making people go out of their way to drive someone home way too much.
114. Making techies wear costumes is cruel and unusual punishment.
115. Windex tastes bad.
116. Febreez works on people.
117. It is posible to finish off 11 pounds of sugar candy in one act.
118. Explaining to your mother why you smell like Windex and Febreez is not fun.
120. �Why are you here?� can be translated as �Get out of our Hell-hole, bitch.�
121. Never get Allison (the techie) talking about Austin Powers.
122. Energizer Bunnies aren�t the only things that can go on, and on, and on. . .
123. Michael actually has a sense of humor.
124. Never hug Katie.
125. Techies + door + yellow clay = Hilarious!
126. SUGAR. . .
127. Obsession with little pink fans are not healthy.
128. Hamsters are not soccer balls.
129. Hamsters are evil.
130. Hamsters bounce.
131. Quick shaves before weddings are often necessary.
132. Phones + desk chairs + Katie = CRASH!!!
133. Never listen to a conversation between several guys in the green room.
134. Never swear out loud unless you know exactly where the Stage Manager is.
135. Never wonder where missing people are.
136. Outside boyfriends/girlfriends apparently do not apply to the theatre (after all, how the hell are they going to find out?).
137. Never wear striped shirts under jean-vests.
138. Deodorant does not last as long as it should.
139. Girls were not meant to sing along with �Scandal, Outrage�.
140. Never write lists in the Green Room.
141. Never swear while on headset.
142. When a guy is confused, have Emily explain.
143. When in doubt, look for chalk.
144. Sugar is the cure for every ailment.
145. Never let Katie look in the cabinet.
146. Never give Katie a tape-recorder.
147. Never mention the possibility of putting honey on door-handles in the presence of actors.
148. Do not assume that whatever is said is directed towards you.
149. Key-chains are not always what they seem.
150. Never wonder why Quentin is going back and forth between the bathroom and the boys dressing room whilst everyone else is onstage.
151. Never ask an actor when the last time they took a shower was.
152. Never go to the stables right before going to the theatre.
153. Never to a scene change with food in yout mouth.
154. Saturday evening audiences are obsessed with Lindsey.
155. Don�t powder dry ice.
156. Never loan an actor anything that you want back.
157. Going 60 mph on a desk chair can be painful.
158. Actors doing warm-ups outside of open Techie Lair windows are scary.
159. Look before you eat.
160. Never let Katie near anything breakable.
161. Michael knows how to waltz.
162. Allison does not think that Michael knows how to waltz.
163. Giving a techie a foam hat can have disastrous results.
164. Never tell a techie that there is no way they can possibly do something--they will immediately begin trying to do it.
165. You can make fake knives out of almost anything.
166. If you write �Satin� rather than �Satan�, people will get confused.
167. Hypocrites abound.
168. Michael has a tendency to get mad at people for things that are his fault.
169. Guys need to learn where a girl�s waist is.
170. People are back-stabbers.
171. Artificial sugar is DISGUSTING!!!!!!
172. Trying to sing with M&Ms in your mouth does not work.
173. Never laugh when the Stage Manager swears on headset.
174. Never let your mother work backstage.
175. Never tell an actor that you have food.
176. Clay is multi-purpose.
177. Never sing along with �Oklahoma!� unless you are the only one in the room.
178. Never laugh when someone messes up.
179. Don�t try to argue with a Stage Manager.
180. And two bits.
181. Scissors do not double as collapsible knives--or at least, I didn�t think that they did.
182. When in doubt, any weapon will do.
183. People�s faces can get about three times redder than you would think they could.
184. Edgar Allen Poe was disturbed.
185. Never try to explain to your mother why sugar is absolutely necessary to the survival of a techie.
186. Never threaten to hurt somebody the next time they do something--they will always do it again just to see if you�re serious.
187. Flats are not entirely sturdy.
188. Some people�s hats fit too tightly.
189. Straw hats are extremely fun to rip up.
190. Sympathy, where techies are concerned, is basically non-existent.
191. Rubber hammers are really fun to hit things with.
192. There�s no point in cleaning the Lair--it will clutter itself while your back is turned.
193. Allison (the techie) has multiple personalities.
194. It is impossible for visitors to contemplate why there are foam demon tails all over backstage-- therefore, simply tell them that some of the actors are in a cult, and rush them out.
195. When in doubt, it was somebody else.
196. There are members of the cast who know how to pick locks.
197. Drumsticks with heads wrapped in foam and duct tape are useful for many, many things.
198. Writing people �secret messages� composed of random symbols is a simple yet effective means of torture.
199. There are people in this world who eat frosting straight out of the can.
200. Some people are too good at hiding things.
201. Life is like a lot of things. A theatre is like a zoo.