I officially completely confuse myself. Oh well.........that's what makes life interesting. So, news. FALL SEASON STARTED FOR CREW!!! Yay! I was feeling so......flabby. And I got my first paycheck! Which is really exciting. And I've been going through tracks on iTunes for hours today naming them all, because I have sooooooo many unnamed tracks, but it takes soooooo long. Oh well, someday they'll all be named and organized, and it will be worth it. Or so I tell myself. I am feeling SOOOOOOOOO much better lately. Except for that one thing, but I'm not really sure how I feel about that......it's the one thing that's really confusing me. But ya know what? I'll deal with it as I have to, and it will sort itself out. Life is good.

Dude, life is just like.......so freaking weird.

This was written like, two seconds after that last one. I almost wrote it as a continuation because I didn't. Anyway, I'm worried about this whole Running Start thing and how it's gonna effect my friendships with people at the HS.....because I'm not going to be seeing them in school and all, and I mean, that's how I met like all of them, well not all, but a lot of them. Like, Nicole, I'm not gonna see her at school at all, and she's gonna be spending 7 hours a day with these people, and it'll be like, we'll just drift apart, and she'll have a life and I won't. Yargh. Positive attitude, come on me, you can do it, it'll work out. You're fine. They won't all abandon you just because you're not there all the time. But you know how it is, you know everyone says that, and then it's not true, you'll find yourself alienated anyway, maybe not on purpose, but it will happen. And then what will I have. Okay, stop having second thoughts about this. It's too late anyway, and you'll be fine, it'll be good for you. Just make time for everybody. It'll work. You still have friends who don't go to school with you. But it's different. Okay I'm just gonna stop now.

Aww man this sucks, one of my friends left at 5:30 am this morning for a 3 week long trip, an I miss him already. I hate being attached to people. So I talked to him on IM until 3 am and then went to bed and couldn't go to sleep until forever because I was missing him already even though he hadn't left yet. So I almost called him, but I didn't because I was like, that's rediculous, you just talked to him. So I finally fell asleep and had a dream in which I was on a vacation with my family in this little cabin, and I just sat there in a ball on my bed in the corner near the ceiling of this itty bitty cabin and cried because I missed him and Suzanna. And it's not like I've talked to him more than like every 3 weeks all summer anyway. I guess it's just the idea that even if I really wanted to, I can't. Because I mean, you can drive to Maple Valley or whatever. You can't drive to Japan. And you know me, I'm paranoid; what if the plane crashes or something? And I'll be sitting there thinking, I could have talked to him one last time, and I didn't. And it'll kill me. But it won't happen, he'll be fine, he promised. Pray for that plane, and pray for Suzanna in Idaho, and pray for the children in Beslan and their families.

If anyone wants to volunteer to be my personal secratary and write down everything I think, please contact me. Positions open. Come on busybodies, I know you're out there.

So Remmy got a job with parrots. Good times. And this has been a really fucked up week. In a mostly good way I think. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm like dude, I have a life again. That's kinda freaking cool. But it feels weird. Which is why I'm so anxious. And Suzanna left today, dammit, I feel horrible, I was supposed to hang out with her on Saturday but I couldn't because my grandparents picked me up from work and took me out to dinner, and now she's gone, and I'm like, not going to see her for another year, if ever. And it sucks. And life is a bitch. But I'm kind of enjoying it. I think. And right now, I'm just sorta confused in a sort of good way. I think. DAMMIT I CAN'T KEEP WRITING I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE!!!!!! But I'm so bored. I want to just to have something to do. But at the same time, it sucks. This week has been a good week though. I hung out with a lot of people. Like Nicole, and Qiam, and Litza, and Sarah, and Suzanna I think. And I missed Sarah's and Katie's and Diane's and Kelsey's joint birthday party thing which was Saturday night, because I didn't find out about it until that afternoon and by then, I couldn't do anything about it. Which is awful. And I have to go to math at 8 tomorrow morning. Ah it's so tempting to fuck up my life again. And just like........skip math, and go chill with people, and talk, and drive around, and smoke, and do abso-fucking-lutely nothing. But I won't. Because, I kinda like having a life. Dude people, don't let me change my mind about that one. And pray for the children in Russia.

Grrrrrrrrrr I don't know what happened but I logged in and this page had been cleared, what the hell.

I don't get it. I don't GET it. I DON'T GET IT. No matter what I do, it always makes her upset. Like I was really tired so I was gonna take a nap before working on my essay. And she comes in and says she's worried, because I have a lot of stuff to do. And I say I was just going to take a nap before working on my essay. And she says she thinks I shouldn't take a nap and just get to work. And I say I was just going to take a short nap so I COULD work, because I was tired. And she says she doesn't think I should. And I say okay, I'll work on my essay. And she says I should have lunch. And I say okay. And she asks if she can make me anything. And I say no thank you. And she gets upset and says she wishes she could feel like we were working together. And I say I'm sorry. And she gets even more upset, and says I probably just wish she would go away and let me sleep all day or whatever wouldn't I. And I say no, I said I would do my essay. And she's even more upset, and she leaves. So then I'm upset, because she's upset, and then she comes upstairs and asks if I was crying, and I lie and say I wasn't because I know then she'll get more upset and get mad at me. But even still she's upset, I don't know. And I'm trying to just do what she wants so she won't get upset. And I fucking hate this.

And I met the new therapist lady today.

I fucking hate this.

A LESSON IN REMMYSPEAK:
"Hi, I'm Remmy" (phr): Hi, I'm 1) myself 2) having a bad day 3) a lying passive-aggressive bitch 4) confused 5) tired 6) badly in need of a cigarette 7) fat 8) shingling a roof with thinly sliced psychiatrists 9) unloved 10) worthless

Yeah.....haven't written on this page in forever.....probably won't again, btw. You people who know me know what's happened in the meantime. You people who don't probably don't care. So what's the point? And if for some reason you care, but don't know, that's what phones are for.