R.E.M., Future-Bound

The Popular Rock Band In The Year 2020

I am going to tell you a bit of what you can expect from this Website: The three remaining members of R.E.M. are now a lot older, since it is the year 2020 in this fantasy, but because of advanced lazer surgery, they have not physically aged a day. See?

Anyhow, they may LOOK young, but they have the insides of sixty-year-olds but, the kids in that future era think they are young, hunky rock stars and expect them to perform as if they were still physically young. There is the delemma that Michael, Mike and Peter face in this society where rock and roll has become the music of extremely angry and disenfranchized youth.

Michael has an especially difficult time, for he has arthritis and it is difficult for him to jump around onstage like he used to. The band is made to tour and, in this dismal society in which they live, there is a real possibility of nuclear war.

Therefore, it becomes the band's cause to try to get people to protest for the removal of the thousands and thousands of nuclear missiles, much more advanced than they were in the 1990's, and the only way to do that is to tour. As we all know, touring is not one of R.E.M.'s favourite things to do, but they are on a misssion, sexegenarians or not.

So, please stick around while this tale gets told. I suppose I should have put this page in the SunsetStrip neighbourhood, but since it, like the other sections on this site, is primarily story-oriented, I decided to choose Athens. It's a cool place and I like it here. You just all take good care and remember, this is just a story. If it really does happen in the future, it is pure coincidence. ;)

Well, let's talk about the weather----and Bill. Now, Bill Berry left the band on Halloween of 1997, when the band were young and spry still. He now spent his days with his children, grandchildren and wife, who takes good care of all of them. Bill still keeps in touch with Michael, Mike and Peter, but only on a social basis. The guys are still like brothers; even more so now that they are older and thinking about their mortality. But like I said, they physically look no much different, so they still have a young fan base: The children of the fans they had when "Monster" came out. Here they are again in case you don't believe me:

One day, R.E.M. were shocked when they read in a rock magazine that they would be going on a year-long tour with their latest CD called, Stumbling Down". The kids saw three young guys, even though they knew intellectually that they were approaching sixty. Still, they saw these young and vibrant-looking musicians that would be easily able to tour. Michael looked at Peter, and said, slowly, "Now, what are we going to do?"

Peter shrugged. "Get out the Ben Gay and get moving, I guess", he replied in his usually casual way.

So the wheels were set in gear for the tour. They figured if the Rolling Stones could do it, then they could too. They had enough hit songs off their latest CD, along with work from all their other albums, that finding material would not be the problem. What would be was the fact that arthritis, fatigue and a host of other age-related ailments might slow them down.

Then, one day, they happened across a little man with a magic bottle, at least it seemed that way to R.E.M. Ben, the man's name, said that one swig of this stuff and they would lost over thirty years off their lives. Mike wasn't sure it was safe but it was crucual that something miraculous happen to allow these three guys to do a gruelling tour, that he took the first mouthful. Twenty minutes later, he was doing cartwheels, running, and even picked up his bass and began a rousing round of "Superman". "I am Superman. And I can do ANYTHING!"

Following suit, after being incredibly impressed with Mike's abilities, took a double mouthful and at about the same time later, wanted to go for a six-mile run. He instead picked up his lead guitar and began to practise for the tour. He couldn't believe it. He felt thirty instead of sixty-three. Were there side effects? Who the hell cared?"

Michael was a little more hesitant. He said to the little man, whose name was Willy, "I don't know about this. They say you don't get something for nothing. What do you want in return and what is going to happen to us? How often do we have to take this stuff and does it have side effects, serious ones? I'm not drinking anything before knowing all the facts. Mike and Peter, you were very foolish".

Willy laughted. "Ah, a doubting Thomas. There's one in every group. Well, I can assure you that nothing bad will happen to you from drinking my potion. You must drink it once a day, before you go onstage and it will last until about three AM. Do you really think I wo7ld give you anything dangerous? Your road manager said it was fine".

"He just wants to see us out on the road. He doesn't case how we get there. So you're sure this stuff is one hundred percent safe?"

"Willy nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes, yes. And it won't cost you much, not that it's a problem with you guys. Just trust me and you'll be dynamite on that tour".

Michael finally relented, against his better judgment and took a large mouthful of the bitter-tasting fluid from the fountain of youth that Willy had obviously found somewhere. Then, after twenty minutes, Michael could not believe how energetic and strong he felt. His muscles grew taut and firm, his breathing came much easier and his arthritis had disappeared! He was elated and could have kissed Willy, except their little friend had disappeared.

Now what would happen? Would the potion last through a year's tour? They each had a big bottle and didn't need much of. But what about side effects? That "something for nothing" Michael had always believed in still nagged at him a bit. But they were young, vibrant and full of youthful energy. Who could ask for anything more?

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