Title:  "Short lived...but long remembered angel"
       My little angel never got to see this world, never was able to breathe the same air as his father and I, never got to know the love that his mother and father has for him.  
       I found out I was pregnant in June of 2003, and was extremely happy.  The anticipation of having this child to hold and love was a joy that I have never known before.  My boyfriend Kenneth Marsh couldn't have been happier when I told him the news.  He told everyone and he couldn't wait to become a father.  Each day was filled with a new experience, some good, but the morning sickness was a killer.  In July, I was at work and experienced some bleeding and discomfort and had to be rushed to the hospital.  For the very first time I saw my precious child and heard his tiny heart beating.  I will never forget that sound.  The doctors told me that I was experiencing vaginal bleeding and was told to quit my job and be on strict bedrest to try to stop the bleeding, which did.  Things were going along smoothly and Kenny and I couldn't have been happier to get through that.  We started buying bibs, and other baby items to prepare for Cameron's arrival.  My sister Rebecca bought an adorable Winnie The Pooh outfit (That was the theme we were going with), and a baby book  for Cameron.  Kenny wanted to have the best for Cameron so he started working more overtime and started saving up a lot of money to buy things to get the nursery started.  Not everyone was as happy as we were about me getting pregnant at first, but then they started to come around and accept that this was happening and that I was going to have this baby.
       I was going through a lot of family issues and was under a lot of stress, not only by my family but by Kenny's family too.  My first doctor's visit for the baby was on July 11th.  I had many tests done and they gave me a due date of February 28th, 2004.  Everything seemed to be fine at that point and the doctor said that he couldn't see any bleeding.  We were told to come back in a month to get test results.  We moved into Kenny's moms house so he could be closer to his job and things seemed to be settling down.  It was time for my next visit on August 22nd. Kenny had to work that day, so my mother went with me.   We got the results that all the tests were negative but I did have a vaginal infection (bacterial vaginitis) and he gave me Flagyl to get rid of the infection.   On Saturday, August 23rd I started bleeding at my mother's house.  I immediately called my doctor and he told me there was nothing he could do right now just to call the office first thing Monday morning for an ultrasound.  The bleeding started to get heavier and I was experiencing some pain, so I went by ambulance to the hospital and they did and emergency ultrasound and told me that they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and things didn't look good.  That I was going to experience a miscarriage.  They sent me home Sunday morning and I was told to come back if things got worse and to make sure I went to the doctors on Monday.  Monday morning, Kenny, my mother, and I went to the doctors.  The horrible news I received from the hospital was confirmed by my doctor and an ultrasound was done to be positive.  We saw Cameron's precious face, but did not see his tiny heart beating anymore.  We were all devastated and prayed for a miracle, that by some chance his heart would start beating again and that everything would be fine.  The doctor told me that it was my choice to have a DandC done or to let nature take it's course.  I felt that I could not let Cameron be ripped away from my body like that, so I decided to go home and wait it out.  The whole way home I cried and held Cameron's picture in my hand, asking myself "why did this happen?"  Kenny had to go back to work so I went back to my mother's house.  The pain that day was unbearable.  I tried to rest but the thought of my child no longer alive inside of me was very hard to bear.  That day was my father's birthday, so I took Cameron's ultrasound picture and copied it.  I placed it into a frame for him and titled it "An Angel In Heaven." I went up to my father's house later that night to give him his gift.  Around midnight the pressure and pain was so unbearable I could hardly walk.  My father called the ambulance and I went to the hospital.  When I arrived at the hospital they called my doctor she said just to send me home with pain medication to control the pain and to call her in the morning.   The nurse gave me a shot of Demoral for the pain and HydroCodone to take home with me.  While my mother and I were walking out to the waiting room to wait for our ride home, I felt a gushing feeling and went to the bathroom.  Nothing came out at first so I stood up.  Immediately I grabbed the railing and blood started flowing everywhere.  I called my mother in with me and I sat back down on the toilet.  I felt the urge to push, and as I did my precious child left my body.  My mother rushed back into the emergency department and got the nurse.  The nurse asked me if I would like to go back and wash up, while I did that she retrieved my angel and took my precious Cameron to the doctor for testing.  I will never forget what he looked like, or what it felt like to go through that.     
       Before I left the nurse came in and wanted to know if I wanted Cameron baptized a Christian.  I said yes but I couldn't bear to be there for that.  I left the hospital with a tremendous feeling of loss and like a piece of me was missing and would never be replaced. 
       I may never have got to hold my precious child, and will never listen to him coo with joy, but forever in my heart he will be.  I will always have the feeling of him with me, and I know he will always be watching over his father and I, and he will know that we will always love him.