| On the Thursay October. 21, 1993 My beautiful baby boy was born sleeping. I was 39 weeks pregnant and was only 23 years old. I didn't think stillbirth existed anymore. I thought it was something that happend decades ago. On Tuesday October. 19, 1993. I went in for a routine visit to see my midwife, she couldn't find a heartbeat and asked me when was the last time I had felt movement. I couldn't remember. I was a mum to a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I didn't have the time to note every movement. I went cold as I remembered the last movement had been 2 nights ago, a cumbersome kick as I went to bed. I'd not felt any movement since. The midwife told me to go home and wait for an ambulance to take me to the hospital. An hour later the ambulance showed up and took me to the hoepital. My husband Terry came with me. When we got to the hospital another midwife tried and unsucessfully couldn't get find a hearbeat either:( The a portable scanner was brought in and the Dr. did the scan. He talked me through the scan, showed me the heart and everything, so I figured that my baby must be alright, then he switched the scanner of and said, "It's Not Good News", your baby is dead. That was the moment that changed our lives forever. I asked for a c-section as I didn't think that I could cope with a normal birth. The Dr. told me that they couldn't do that as the scar would be a painful a painful memory of my loss. The following morning, I was induced and in labor for 2 days. Sean was born breech. He was born sleeping at 4:25 pm. He weighed 6lbs. 7oz. 53cm. long. He was so beautiful. He had little wisps of hair, a button nose and bright red lips. He was gorgeous! The midwife got Sean dressed and then I held him for the next 3 hours. I had wrapped a blanket tightly around him, which I'd hope to keep him warm, it didn't he just got colder and colder. The colder he became, the more my heart broke. At 7:30 pm. I kissed ^^my angel son^^ ~Good night~ & ~Good bye~..... I didn't leave the hopsital until Sunday, the nurses brought ^^Sean^^ to me for the very last time. My husband couldn't face seeing ^^Sean^^ again so he waited outside. I had written ^^Sean^^ a letter and a poem. I gave these to him along with a teddy and photos of all of us. I didn't pick him up for one last hug, and I have regretted that eversince. ^^Sean^^ was laid to rest in our local cemetery. So many people came which I was so touched by. His grave was covered in flowers too;) The grief was immense. How could he have died? What happened? The post mortem couldn't find what was wrong with him either. I guess that's the first question that I'll be asking God once I get there. 8 years after ^^Sean's^^ death discovered that our local hospital has kept some of ^^Sean's^^ organs!!! without our consent. They had also kept his testes, thymus, adrenal glands, and his voicebox. His brain they threw away and his tongue and windpipe they ripped out!! So as to get ^^Sean's^^ voicebox, was put in his stomach. Our little boy has been butchered..... We has buried a shell. It took the hospital 6 months to tell us what remains of our baby they had, and then we had to wait a further 2 months before they released his remains to our undertaker. on Thursday Sept. 26, 2001 ^^Sean's grave was re~opened and another casket was lowered into his grave. Now ^^Sean^^ was whole and finally at peace. It feels as if my son had died twice. Our grief is raw again. Still to this day, I don't know how my husband and I made it through ^^Sean's^^ 2nd funeral....I didn't want to lose him all over again and that is what it felt like to us. |
