Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. -- The Lord's Prayer
After the discovery of Ardeth Wood's body, Catherine Wood stunned observers by declaring forgiveness and lack of hatred for the person who killed her daughter.
"We were dumbfounded," her brother, Rev. William Ashley, said yesterday. "My sister has a particular capacity or grace that she's received from God to be able to take that attitude."
The rest of the family has decided to forgive also, he said.
Throughout the city, people are wondering how a bereaved parent can transcend rage, bitterness and revenge. It is a path that other Canadian families have chosen, assisted by faith.
Rev. Dale Lang is an Anglican minister and the father of a teenager who was fatally shot by another boy at a Taber, Alta., high school in 1999. He has spoken about compassion at hundreds of high schools across North America, and written a book about grieving and forgiveness, called Jason Has Been Shot.
He and his wife Diane moved Canadians across the country when they decided to forgive the murderer and his family, and urged the community to do the same.
As a result, the family did not receive hate mail or angry phone calls.
"Forgiveness is an act that sets you free," Rev. Lang has said. "To forgive is to heal. But I'm never going to be released from my pain. God has given me the grace to live with the pain."
The Wood family are devout Roman Catholics. Their decision to forgive is based on their faith and the gospel, said Father Ashley, a Catholic chaplain at a Vancouver hospital.
"Jesus says forgive your enemies, and love those who hate you," he said. "From the point of view of our faith, God forgives every sin no matter how grave. The only condition being that they be sorry for the wrong they've done.
"We have to be merciful toward these poor people who do these horrible things. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be brought to justice. Justice will be done either here or hereafter."
The perpetrator needs to repent, come forward and seek forgiveness, he added.
"We pray that they ask God for forgiveness for what they've done wrong."
Forgiveness does not ease the pain, he said. "What person can fathom the sadness of a mother at the death of a child? Periodically she has intense grief and sorrow that she can't hold her daughter any more, can't talk to her."
Rev. Charles Van Vliet, pastor of St. Clement's Church and a family friend, says that good may come out of evil.
"Our Lord was crucified and he forgave those who crucified him," he said. "Maybe this will bring about the conversion of the person who did this, or the conversion of thousands of people because they saw mercy at work, and not just vengeance and hatred."
Rev. Garth Bulmer, rector of St. John the Evangelist Anglican Church in Ottawa, says that forgiveness is one of the hardest tasks, and that it is held up as one of the supreme acts of love in almost all religions.
"A lot of people are saying 'How could they do that? They must be so enraged and full of vengeful thoughts.' I'm sure that's true and will be true for a long time.
"What they have done is courageous. They have stated their intention, based on conviction and principle, that they want to forgive. They will still have to work through all the misery in the days and possibly years ahead."
Rev. Bulmer recalled the story of Candace Derksen, a 13-year-old Winnipeg girl who was abducted and found dead seven weeks later in 1984. Her mother, Wilma Derksen, wrote about the family's struggle to survive the tragedy in Have You Seen Candace?
"We would have to forgive by faith -- a step totally in the dark, a matter of decision," she wrote.
"The first act of forgiveness has been an act of will on their part," Rev. Bulmer said of the Wood family.
"If I were the father, I know that I would deal in my heart with the emotional consequences of this for a long time, and every day feel anything but forgiving. That's basically the nub of Christian perspective. It's an act of volition, then you go to work on your heart afterward."
Strong religious ties and faith can help people cope with unspeakable tragedy, said Rev. Bulmer.
"Religion tries to make sense of senseless things in life. All religions try to address the question of evil and why bad things happen.
"There's also the sense for people who are believers that they're always in the care and protection of God. That's an enormous comfort to people. Ardeth may be gone from us, but she's OK. She's with God. They may believe there will be a reunion at some point with her."
"With faith, death isn't the worst thing in the world," added Father Van Vliet. "Sin and separation from God is."
Being unable to forgive is destructive, said Rev. Bulmer. "It consumes you. From the perspective of your own mental and physical health coming to terms with some terrible thing like that makes good sense."
Ms. Wood's funeral is yet to be arranged. A special mass will be held on Friday at Divine Infant Parish in Orl�ans at 11.45 a.m.