LINA: Led by Filia the Dragon priestess, who keeps going on about some threat to the world or something; the beautiful Lina Inverse travels on with her squad of lackeys!
ZELGADIS: Lackeys?
GOURRY: Uh...what's a lackey?
LINA: Quiet! Anyway, I was attacked by a Monster named Valgaav, AND we ran into our old friend Xellos! And if that wasn't enough, another mysterious enemy entered the scene. Looks like your prophecy may have something to it, Filia. Hey! Filia! Pay attention!
FILIA: Oh, I'm sorry! I was just having a cup of tea.
Episode 5: A Wild Rumor? You Can't Have Smoke Without Fire?
FILIA: No! We simply must take the path to the right!
XELLOS: Oh, really? I think we should take the one to the left.
FILIA: Ohhhhhh?
XELLOS: Hehehehehehahahaha!
FILIA: No Monster, heheheh, is going to trick ME that easily!
XELLOS: Trick you? What makes you think I'm trying to...
GOURRY: I wonder why do those two act like that?
ZELGADIS: I doubted they'd stay civil to each other for long on this trip, but this is ridiculous!
AMELIA: Yeah, really. The Dragon Race and the Monster Race have been enemies for so long. It's like mixing oil and water.
LINA: I couldn't care less about this. Is Xellos' way the quickest way to the temple of the Fire Dragon King, or what?!
FILIA: I don't know!
LINA: Heh...?
FILIA: Let me explain something! I'm a priestess of the Fire Dragon King! As such I simply can't lower myself to agreeing with some Monster who follows the orders of some decrepit old dark lord who's covered in ice in the mountains of the North!
(Nice, Filia!)
XELLOS: Oh, my. You're really a selfish person, aren't you, Filia? Oh, I meant DRAGON, not person. Guess you can't help being what you are. Hahaha!
FILIA: Who are you calling SELFISH?! Huh?
(to self)
FILIA: No, stop that! Making us waste time here is just what this evil Monster wants us to do! I have an important duty to perform! There's the approaching threat, after all... Ah... A duty to save the world!
(to Xellos)
FILIA: Huh?!
XELLOS: Bwaa!
FILIA: Ahh! Come Miss Lina, let's go! We have a duty to save the world!
GOURRY: Bravo!
LINA: Oh, enough already!
*
LINA: All right! The wait is finally over! Did you miss me? Cuz I missed you, you delicious-looking fabulous food, you!
AMELIA: Oh, I know! Mmpf! Doesn't it look wonderful?
GOURRY: Your path really turned out to be the right one, Filia!
FILIA: This place really isn't the reason I chose it...
LINA: Hey, Filia! Do you have any idea what sort of food Dradora Surprise is?
FILIA: Y- You want to order more?
COOK: You certainly set your sights high. If you don't try Dradora Surprise in this town, I think you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
LINA: It's that good?
COOK: We take a fresh, whole dradora and then cook it up in a sumptuous soup stock. I assure you, this dish is absolutely to DIE for!
LINA: I dunno what you just said, but we'll take it! Add that to our order, please!
COOK: Of course.
LINA: Hahahaha! And hurry up with that!
FILIA: Miss Lina! Don't you understand that time is of the essence?! There's no telling what Valgaav and those other Monsters are doing! Which is more important? Saving the world, or your dinner?!
(Amelia whimpers)
LINA: Hmm... I'd say, my dinner!
(Filia sobs)
LINA: Look, if they need the Sword of Light for whatever they're doing, then they'll come to us no matter where we go. However, this is the best place around to get Dradora Surprise!
GOURRY: Mm-hm!
FILIA: Uh...
XELLOS: Indeed! Her logic is impeccable! Well argued, Lina!
(whips out mace and holds it in Xellos' face)
FILIA: Aaah! This is all your fault.
XELLOS: Me...?
FILIA: Obviously, because of an association with a filthy Monster like you, Miss Lina's personality has become twisted!
LINA: Hold on! Just a minute!
FILIA: I can't tolerate this!
LINA: Calm down, Filia!
ZELGADIS: You're going to transform in HERE?!
AMELIA: Think about where you are!
XELLOS: Oh, my, so you transform when you get mad? You're not very well trained for a priestess of the Fire Dragon King, now, are you?
FILIA: Ohh!
(stops transformation process)
FILIA: Uh!
XELLOS: Oh, I see! You use brute force when you can't get something by arguing for it! The Dragon Race loves to resort to violence! Hahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahahaha!
LINA: Well, I'm glad to see we're operating on a mature, adult level, here. This is a lot of fun, Xellos.
(Filia runs off sobbing)
LINA: Filia!
GOURRY: Filia!
(gets smacked by mace)
GOURRY: Uuh!
FILIA: Please leave me alone!
AMELIA: It looks like Miss Filia took that last comment really hard.
LINA: Don't worry! I'm sure she'll come back when she gets hungry. Until then, we can enjoy the Dradora Surprise!
ZELGADIS: And who'll pay for it?
LINA and AMERIA: Huh?
ZELGADIS: The only one of us with local currency is Filia, and she's not here.
AMELIA: So, you mean... We don't have a coin to our name right now? How are we going to pay the bill?
LINA: I'm apalled! How could we let poor Filia wander alone and heart-broken in a strange town?! Is that how you people treat friends?! Well, it's not my style! I won't adandon Filia when she's feeling down! Come on, guys! Let's get that money!
AMELIA: Um, Miss Lina...?
ZELGADIS: There's no use fighting it. Let's go, Amelia.
AMELIA: All right.
COOK: Okay! Your Dradora Surprise is almost ready! Huh?! Where'd they go? You thieves! Come back here! I wanted to have you for dinner!
AMELIA: Oh, I knew it!
COOK: Thieves!
XELLOS: Oh, dear...
*
FILIA: Why must I keep enduring these harships? Is Miss Lina really going to save the world? Miss Lina... Someone who associates with Monsters! With that...Xelloss... Xelloss...! Xelloss...!! Oh, dear! Did I just reveal myself?! All this human contact is getting to me.
VILLAGER #2: Are you the dragon priestess?
FILIA: Huh? What? Uh... Yes, I am.
VILLAGER #2: Just like the report said.
VILLAGER #3: You have a lot of nerve, coming to our peaceful town!
FILIA: Wh- What do you mean? I was just--
VILLAGER #4: Don't play dumb with us, dragon priestess! We know you're here to destroy this town, and we're not gonna let you do it, see?
FILIA: Destroy...?
VILLAGER #2: Exactly! The fact that you would appear in a town forbidden to dragons is proof enough!
FILIA: For- Forbidden to Dragons?!
(wind blows sheet off of statue of dragon getting slaughtered)
FILIA: Uh?! Oh! What's that?!
VILLAGER #2: I'll tell you! Long ago, this town was destroyed by an evil dragon! According to the legend, a lone hero killed the beast. Peace returned to this land once again; but if you, a dragon priestess who serves those things is here, then some calamity must be soon upon us!
FILIA: I can't believe such a legend! It must have been a misunderstanding!
VILLAGER #5: You think we'll believe that?! Do you take us for fools?!
VILLAGER: Yeah! Let's grab her!
FILIA: Rr! Stop this nonsense at once! I said it was a misunderstanding!
VILLAGER: I don't buy it! I say we grab her!
...The Dragon Race loves to resort to violence! Hahahahahaha!...
FILIA: Rr! Very well, then. I will neither run nor hide. I am not like some Monster! I am sure that we can come to some kind of understanding.
GRAVOS: Well, ain't she an easy one?
FILIA: Oh! You people!
GRAVOS: Heh! I was the helpful guy who told them that there was a Dragon priestess in town.
JILLAS: Oh, we really done it, Boss! You want me to kill'er? If you want me to kill'er I'll kill-
GRAVOS: What are you?! Some kind of idiot?! Lord Valgaav wanted us to use our heads, remember?
FILIA: Huh?
GRAVOS: We'll use her as a hostage to get the Sword of Light, see? So we have to take good care of our little hostage. Understand?
JILLAS: Gotcha! Take good care a' the 'ostage!
(Filia begins to run)
GRAVOS and JILLAS: Huh?
GRAVOS: Oh, no, you don't! Get her, guys!
FILIA: AAAAAH!
*
GUARD: All, right, in you go.
FILIA: Uh! Huh? Uh? Um... Excuse me?
GUARD: Yeah? What?
FILIA: Well, I was thinking I'd just transform into a Dragon and escape, but... You see... Well... It involves me... getting naked. And with you standing guard there, I'd be terribly embarrassed. So, could you please turn around for a moment?
GUARD: Hahaha! Are you crazy?! Like anyone'd do that for you!! I wouldn't miss seeing you naked! I'll be keepin' my eyes wiiide open! Heheheheh!
FILIA: I'm trying to save the world and this happens! Oh, how can this be? Uh...? Who's there?!
JIRAS: Hahahaha!
FILIA: AAAAH!
(starts smacking Jiras)
JIRAS: Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ah!
FILIA: AAH!
(punches Jiras)
FILIA: I refuse to get naked for you!
JILLAS: Ohhh... Oww...
(sees fruit)
FILIA: Huh? You mean you brought this for me?
JILLAS: Y- Yeah. Boss said we gotsta take good care o' the 'ostage. H- Here, have some. Aah! Aww...
FILIA: Hee! I see Monsters traffic with all sorts of people, don't they? The Monster I know is an obnoxious egomaniac who's also complete smart-aleck! All he does is tease and manipulate people! OHHHHHHHHH!!! I get furious just thinking about that jerk!!
JILLAS: You get picked on by your own gang? You poor thing. Well, don't you worry! I'm gonna do what the boss ordered and take good care of the 'ostage... Big hug!
FILIA: Ohh! AAAH! Don't touch me, you animal!
GRAVOS: It's almost time for your trial, Princess!
(sees Jillas twitching on floor covered in the prison bars, Filia holding mace)
GRAVOS: Huh?
JILLAS: Ohhhh...
GRAVOS: What are you two doing?!
*
GOURRY: Where could Filia have run off to?
LINA: Man, this is a pain in the neck! And now Xelloss has disappeared, too. We have to find Filia and her money fast!
GOURRY: Yeah, I'm getting hungry!
LINA: I REALLY wanna try that Dradora Surprise!
GOURRY: Yeah, me too!
AMELIA: Miss Lina! Mr. Gourry! Miss Filia's in trouble!
*
JUDGE: This public trial is now in session! We shall now determine whether or not the girl is actually a dragon!
CROWD: Yeah!
(chained to floor in magic circle)
FILIA: Your Honor, I object! I am a priestess of the Fire Dragon King, but that doesn't mean--
JUDGE: Silence! Your defense will be allowed only after the Dragon Judgement is presented!
FILIA: "Dragon Judgement...?" Uh?
JUDGE: Now! Commence the Dragon Judgement!
CROWD: Yeah!
(box flares open)
FILIA: I...can't...! What's that?!
JUDGE: And now, Dragon, we reveal your true form with this tickler!
FILIA: Huh?!
JUDGE: Go! Heheheheh!
FILIA: No!!!
JUDGE: Show your true form! Oh, let's try this side! Gootchy gootchy gootchy goo! This one now!
FILIA: What are they doing? Are they just doing this to make fun of me...? Uh? Uh...? Ah-choo!
JUDGE: A sneeze! Definate proof of dragonhood!
CROWD: Woah!
FILIA: This must be a bad dream...
JUDGE: This girl is hereby judged to be a dragon!
LINA: Fire...BALL!
CROWD: Waaaah!
FILIA: Miss- Miss Lina?!
LINA: Why are you hanging around here, Filia? The Dradora Surprise is probably cold by now! Geez! Come on, let's get going!
FILIA: Miss Lina!
COOK: Hey! You're the weasals who stiffed me!
LINA: Oooh! Uh-oh!
COOK: If I ever get my hands on you, I'll chop you into little pieces!
FILIA: Shame on you, Miss Lina! You ran off without paying the bill?!
LINA: Heheh! It wasn't OUR fault we couldn't pay the bill! It was YOURS!
GRAVOS: Hahaha!
LINA: Huh...? Oh, great! You guys!
GRAVOS: It's clear who the real heroes are here! Those people are friends of the Dragon!
AMELIA: What makes you the real hero?! Dragons and lizards are both reptiles! They're the SAME, aren't they?!
FILIA: Miss Amelia! Please don't call me a "reptile!"
LINA: Rrrrrrrrr! Oh, forget this! I'm using all my powers! LEVITATION!
AMELIA: Wait for me!
JILLAS: Oh, no you don't!
LINA: Eee-eh?!
(kaboom)
LINA and AMELIA: Oooh...
JILLAS: Gotta take care o' the 'ostage!
LINA: Who do you think you're messing with?!
ZELGADIS: Lina!
LINA: Huh? Oh! Heheheh! Wh- What are you guys doing?!
VILLAGER #8: You people aren't human! You're sorcerers!
VILLAGER #9: You're that dragon's lackeys!
VILLAGER #10: I say we...grab 'em!
LINA: Lackeys! Now THAT hurts!
ZELGADIS: Lina! Forget it! These guys aren't going to listen to anything we say!
AMELIA: HUH? You mean...?
GRAVOS: Hahahaha! I'll let them finish you off! Then I can just take the Sword of Light for myself!
FILIA: M- Miss Lina! Oh! Rrr!
XELLOS: Oh, dear. Oh, I suppose I have no choice.
FILIA: It's all my fault... It's all my fault Miss Lina and the others are in danger.
XELLOS: You got it, sister!
FILIA: Huh? What are you doing here?!
XELLOS: Haha! I really have to laugh at this. Things are this bad and you're useless!
FILIA: What?!
XELLOS: So, this is the best you can do? Guess the Dragon Race really isn't so tough after all!
FILIA: What did you say...?! Rrrrrrrrrr!
XELLOS: Oh, my, so that's all a Golden Dragon is really capable of? No match for the Monster Race! Oh, how dull.
FILIA: Rrr... WHAOHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (chains bust)
CROWD: She really is a dragon! Aaaah!
FILZILLA: Xellos! Come back here!
JILLAS: Ooooh!
FILZILLA: I'll kill you you little (can't understand the word)! This is the very last time! You're gonna be sorry! Come back here you little twerp! I've had enough of you!
GRAVOS: Th- Th- That girl really is...
JILLAS: ...a Dragon?!
XELLOS: Oh, didn't you know that?
GRAVOS and JILLAS: Whaaaaa?!
FILZILLA: Xellos! Xellos! Xellos! Xellos! Where are you?! GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
JUDGE: I knew it... The dragon's here to destroy the town. We're doomed!
FILZILLA: Rrrraaaaaooooo!
LINA: Forget it! Not my problem.
GOURRY: Wow, she'd be a good match for when Lina SHE gets mad!
ZELGADIS: Between Sylphiel and Amelia we have enough to worry about.
AMELIA: What's THAT supposed to mean?
XELLOS: Oh, dear.
*
LINA: Cheer up, Filia. At least we all got away in one piece.
FILIA: I was a disgrace! I have a long way to go as a priestess of the Fire Dragon King. I can't believe I was naked in front of that many people!
LINA: C'mon, it wasn't that disgraceful!
FILIA: But if that obnoxious Monster hadn't started teasing me when you were all in trouble...!
LINA: Hey, c'mon, he probably was doing it on purpose. To draw out your full power.
FILIA: Huh? My full...?
LINA: Anyway, I just wish I'd gotten to taste some Dradora Surprise! It sounded so good! wonder what's in it?
GOURRY: Something called a surprise has got to be pretty tasty!
XELLOS: Oh, if you want to know, I have it in here!
LINA: Huh?! What's it say?!
XELLOS: According to this guidebook, it's a fairly low-quality dish.
LINA: Waaah...
GOURRY: Mmph!
XELLOS: You're probably lucky you didn't eat it.
AMELIA and FILIA: AAAAAAAAH!!!
ZELGADIS: If you had a guidebook, you must have known dragons were taboo in that town.
AMELIA: Yeah... Why couldn't you have told us that in the first place?
XELLOS: Ha! Why do you think I didn't say anything? It was much more amusing this way. Didn't she cause a mess there? Oh, I have newfound respect for her!
FILIA: Oh, really... That's the reason. I understand perfectly now!
(henshin)
FILIA: Woooooaaah!
XELLOS: Oh, dear! I was only trying to compliment you!
FILIA: Take that! I'll get you! Hwah!
LINA: I get the feeling their relationship is more dangerous than whatever's threatening the world.
GOURRY: Well, after all they're only human.
AMELIA: No, they aren't!
FILIA: I hate this!
*
LINA: Just a quick side trip, where treasure awaits me! Huh? Something's definitely strange here. Next time: "Wandering Around? The Runaway Shrine Takes a Trip!" You'd better watch, or I'll REALLY cause some trouble.