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CHAPTER 18: HOME IN ONE PIECE.
Sydney! I really, really want to go home now!’ After a few seconds of absorbing the cheers of the assembled masses, Nigel decided he’d had enough of being a conquering hero. Assassinating Roman consuls wasn’t exactly what he’d got into history for! Besides, as much as everyone was pleased that the tyrant was dead, Nigel had a sneaky feeling that he, Syd and Derek had better get home before they altered the past in ways that had unforeseeable consequences. He didn’t want to have too much Ancient Studies to relearn! With a self-conscious farewell wave to his admirers, Nigel shuffled backwards into the tower. Unfortunately, waiting under the archway was an even more ardent fan – the lovely Girder. She enveloped Nigel tightly in her arms and imparted a truly smacking kiss on the lips. This was just about enough to finish him off. Nigel’s eyes rolled backwards and for a moment he thought he was going to pass out. As she withdrew her plumptuous lips, he managed to whine: ‘Syd! Please! Just get me out of here!’ ‘Okay, Nigel.’ She wrested him from Girder’s grip, fixing the love-struck giantess with a stern and particularly forbidding look. Girder scowled, not at all resigned to her loss. Derek pushed his way back through the crowd towards them, brimming with impatience. ‘What the hell are you two up to? There’s no sign of Bluthus and Veronica nearby. We need to get moving.’ ‘Fine,’ said Syd, and started down the steps with Nigel, who was still somewhat bewildered, in tow. As they reached the bottom, a thought struck him. ‘Oh…wait! We can’t just leave Nostradamus’s pot. Who’s got it?’ ‘Derek hid it back under the floor,’ said Syd. ‘We’ll come back for it later.’ ‘If you think its safe there,’ said Nigel, dubiously. ‘It would be lovely to take something back with us that’s still in one piece…’ They both glanced back at the doorway of the tower. Girder was gazing wistfully after them. ‘You know,’ said Nigel, ‘I think it would be nice to let Girder have the gold. She’d be a nice enough girl - if it wasn’t for the, um, ‘cuddles’ - and the pot itself is the more interesting thing historically. Besides, she will need it more than us, with her whole village to rebuild.’ ‘That’s a great idea, Nigel’ agreed Syd, sounding surprised even though she had been about to suggest the same thing. ‘Its not an entirely selfless one,’ conceded Nigel, with another fearsome glance at the sizable peasant maiden. ‘Bribery might be the only way I can get away from her in one piece!’ Sydney laughed, but Girder’s yearning stare in the direction of her assistant suggested there was some foundation to his fears. ………………………………. Although Derek hadn’t caught up with him in the immediate environs of the tower, Bluthus hadn’t got very far. Terrified of being apprehended by either Sydney or the soldiers, he puffed down through the ornamental gardens, trotting as fast as he could behind bushes and statues to avoid being seen out in the open. He had little clue where he was going, but he barely cared. He had the remnants of Hapshepsut’s Eye in his hot, sweaty hands. All he had to do was use them. Then he would know the best means by which to live peacefully and comfortably for the rest of his days, studying his beloved ancient world. These blissful thoughts were abruptly shattered when he ditched behind a tastefully placed statue of a voluptuous nymph, and came face to face with no other than Veronica Balwinchie. ‘Aaaargh!’ cried Bluthus, nearly re-dropping the increasingly fragile relic. ‘Bluthus!’ shrieked Veronica. ‘How dare you let your nasty friends lock me up. You’re going to pay for this.’ She spied the Eye in his paws. ‘Give me that now!’ Bluthus suspected that resistance would result in much physical discomfort. He reluctantly handed it over. ‘I was just bringing it to you,’ he assured her. ‘How did you get away from those, err, enemies of mine.’ Veronica’s emerald eyes flashed with suspicion, but she answered nevertheless: ‘some pathetic, weepy-eyed woman let me out. I hadn’t a clue what she was wittering on about, but I think she felt sorry for me. Sorry! For me! The insult!’ Bluthus suspected it was a consul’s wife and, very much wishing Veronica was still behind bars, also deeply regretted the poor downtrodden lady’s bleeding heart. ‘Where’s the necklace?’ demanded Veronica, a note of maniacal panic in her voice. ‘I can’t wreak havoc throughout time and history if I don’t have that as well!’ ‘Umm…I think Sydney Fox and her assistant have it.’ Veronica stamped her foot in frustration. ‘I should have known those two would be more trouble than they were worth. Ah well….’ She fondled the Eye between her hands. ‘We can simply use this to tell us the best thing to do.’ Bluthus’ was a jellied blob of flabby bluster. This was the last thing he’d ever wanted to happen. But what could he do? As ever, he decided that he could do absolutely nothing. He looked on in terrified curiosity as Veronica slotted the missing shard of relic – still stained with the blood of the consul – into the reassembled crystal. Veronica held the shimmering artefact in her long, slender fingers, staring intently into its depths. As when he had witnessed Nigel use it, Bluthus saw nothing out of the ordinary. There was a demonic flash in the woman’s piercing eyes. ‘I knew it!’ she cried, her voice high and shrill. ‘I knew it! I knew it! I must kill Sydney Fox!’ ‘That’s a real shame,’ came a calm voice from the other side of the statue. It was Veronica’s turn to nearly drop the relic, as Sydney stepped into her line of vision. ‘You know, Veronica? I’m just not in the mood for being killed today. Besides, there are a couple of things I’ve been wanting to do for, oh, about a week…’ Even as Veronica pulled the sharp shard from the relic, her intentions murderous, Sydney’s fist collided with her sharply angled jaw. The student flew back, limbs flailing, into a prickly bush. The relic bounced onto the grass, more shards disintegrating away. What remained rolled into the arms of Bluthus. ‘That’s one thing I’ve been dying to do,’ noted Sydney, with a satisfied nod. ‘This is the other!’ ‘Ooof!’ In a second, Bluthus was sprawled in the bushes next door to Veronica, victim of a particularly heart-felt kick to the head. ‘Impressive,’ said Derek, observing with his arms folded. He turned to Nigel, standing next to him. ‘She looks hot when she kicks ass as a Vestal virgin, huh?’ Nigel nodded. ‘Not bad!’ Sydney gaped at them, only mildly irritated. ‘Some help here, guys?’ Nigel picked up the bits of relic from the grass, as Bluthus groaned in the bushes. Veronica was still out for the count. ‘What are we going to do with them?’ asked Derek. ‘Leave them here in the ancient world,’ said Sydney. ‘I don’t think they can do too much damage without the relic.’ Nigel, crouching down and gathering all that was left of Hatshepsut’s Eye, was uneasy. ‘Are you sure about that? What if Veronica exploits Bluthus’ historical knowledge to uncover some other powerful relic? We’re taking a bit of risk leaving them both.’ Sydney pondered a moment. Nigel had a point. ‘Why don’t we use the Eye and see what it tells us to do?’ suggested Nigel. ‘Sounds like a good idea,’ said Syd, kneeling down next to him. ‘Do it then.’ ‘Me?’ ‘It worked for you before, didn’t it? Come on…before our friend wakes up and gets any new ideas about reshaping the fabric of history.’ Nigel shrugged, and placed the relic in his lap as he had the last time. He gazed resolutely into it, entreating the crystal orb to tell him the best way forward – for everyone. Nothing happened. He lifted the relic into his hand and tried again, pursing his lips and concentrating very hard. Still nothing. After a minute, he rested it back onto his knees. ‘Its broken. It doesn’t work.’ ‘Are you sure?’ asked Syd, picking up the relic and examining it closely. ‘It’s certainly in a mess – there are bits missing - but it seemed to work for Veronica a minute ago.’ ‘Maybe it did,’ replied Nigel uncertainly. ‘Perhaps this last breakage finished it off….or perhaps she just saw what she wanted to see and it wasn’t the relic at all.’ He looked up Sydney and sighed. ‘No help there, then. What is the plan?’ ………………………… The farewells – of a sort – took place at the tower. Girder was dispatched, reluctant to leave her beloved Nigel, but pleased enough with her newly found fortune. Bluthus, sheepish and sore-headed, wished his former star pupil good luck in the future with some genuine emotion. He then blundered back off down the hill into the ancient city of Nevium, never to be seen or heard of again. Nigel watched him disappear behind the ornamental fountains, and felt a surprising pang of regret. Sydney heard him sigh and regarded him questioningly. ‘You shouldn’t think too badly of him, Syd,’ responded Nigel. ‘He might have had less backbone than the cowardly lion, but he set out to be a historian, not a hero. He was kind enough to me at Oxford… though I hate him now for what he said about you. I can’t help wondering if some of the bad decisions he made - like, um, betraying us - I could have made myself if things had only been a little different. I’m hardly cut out for all this heroism stuff, either.’ Derek snorted. ‘Are you going to beat some sense into him, or shall I?’ ‘Don’t worry. I’ll do it later!’ replied Sydney, reflecting how Nigel had not put a foot wrong since they’d got there when it came to brave and difficult decisions. He rarely did. They turned their attention to the pressing task in hand: getting home. Veronica Balwinchie, with her hands tied and scowling lividly, was waiting to be transported back to the 21st Century. Derek hoped he could pin something on her, send her to jail and stop her causing any further mischief. ‘How does it work, Veronica?’ asked Sydney, brandishing the necklace. ‘Its hardly rocket science!’ huffed the captive. ‘You’re the amazing Sydney Fox. Work it out for yourself.’ She glared at them, tight lipped. ‘I doubt it is rocket science,’ conceded Nigel. ‘Or even post-structural neo-Marxist theory.’ Derek and Sydney seemed rather nonplussed with this line of conjecture, so he got to the point. ‘I should think you just will it to work, like the Eye. They both appear to be of a similar Egyptian origin.’ ‘Maybe,’ replied Syd. She placed the jewel around Nigel’s neck. ‘You’re the only one who made the Eye work before, err, you modified it, so you’d better try it first. Just make sure you go back the the 21st Century and that you take us all with you.' 'Don’t worry,' said Nigel, ruefully. 'I'm heading straight back to a century where they sell very strong painkillers! Besides, I'd hardly leave you behind, would I Syd...and, um,’ he motioned at Derek, ‘I guess I still owe him a couple of favours. And, I suppose I’m kind of looking forward to seeing our favourite undergraduate here placed somewhere where she can’t do any more damage!’ 'We'll trust you then, Nigel,' smiled Sydney, while Veronica stared daggers at her former class teacher. He was about to put his mind to the task, when a waif-like figure with long, caramel hair appeared in the doorway. ‘Lydia!’ Sydney greeted her young helper with a heart-felt smile. The girl returned it nervously. ‘I wanted to thank you for helping me and my father…’ ‘You helped me Lydia. I owed you one!’ ‘Well, thank you anyway,’ said Lydia. ‘I am very happy, even if my father is marching for Britannia in the morning to suppress the rebellion.’ Nigel grimaced. ‘Can you ask him to go easy on the natives? I could have some ancestors there…’ ‘I’m sure my father will be benevolent,’ replied Lydia, rather confused. ‘Those poor, primitive beings will never be a threat to the greatness of Rome.’ ‘Maybe not.’ Nigel chuckled knowingly. ‘But they’ll have their Imperial moment, even if it won’t be for over seventeen hundred years. Even the most downtrodden wretches can become monsters!’ Sydney raised he eyebrows. ‘I hope you’re not going to become a monster, Nigel.’ ‘Are you saying I’m downtrodden, Sydney?’ ‘Not at all,’ said Sydney, mock defensively. Nigel smiled wryly. ‘I don’t think there’s much danger of me getting a Napoleon complex. I’ve got my special relationship to keep me in check, for better or worse…hadn’t we better get home?’ ‘That’s the first piece of sense I’ve heard in a while,’ said Derek, entirely fed up with everything to do with history and the ancient world. ‘Come on people. Let’s go. Let’s go!’ Sydney bid farewell to Lydia and asked her to make sure the big cats in the arena were well looked after. The girl slipped quietly away, still perplexed. Nigel took a deep breath. ‘Now concentrate really hard,’ said Syd, click your heels together and just think ‘there’s no place like home.’ ‘Okay,’ affirmed Nigel. ‘But no Dorothy jokes!’ ‘It hadn’t even crossed my mind,’ lied Derek. Syd nodded with equal insincerity. The inside of the tower spun and melted into a thousand colours. When reality swirled back around them, they were in room 207 of Trinity University. …………………………. Epilogue When Nigel returned to the Ancient Studies office a week later, Karen’s pretty blue eyes were wide with concern. ‘Nigel! Sydney said you wouldn’t be back in work until tomorrow at the earliest. You’re supposed to be resting.’ ‘I got a bit bored…and I missed the company!’ Nigel attempted appeasing her with a winning smile as he shuffled through a pile of unopened post on his desk. ‘Besides, I’ve got a class to teach today. I can’t be shirking that, can I?’ ‘But Sydney’s going to take it. Really, you should go home!’ Nigel politely ignored her. ‘Is Syd in her office?’ Karen nodded. ‘Yeah. She’s going to send you packing, you know?’ ‘We’ll see,’ said Nigel with a wink. Karen’s eyes widened again, this time suspiciously. What was that supposed to mean? …………………………….. Nigel popped his head around the door. ‘Morning, Syd.’ ‘Nigel!’ Syd jumped up from her seat. ‘You’re supposed to be at home!’ She dashed over, pulled him in and shut the door behind him. ‘You’re supposed to be at my home!’ she whispered. ‘Yes, but I feel fine now.’ He softened his voice as well. ‘Seeing you in the mornings and evenings has been lovely…but I like to be with you in the day as well. I miss you.’ Sydney smiled knowingly, and pulled down the blinds. ‘I miss you too, Nigel.’ She pressed her lips to his and enjoyed his warm caress. They gazed at each other a minute, unsure what to say next. In the Ancient Studies office, this felt very strange. Sydney broke the silence. ‘Are you sure you feel comfortable about keeping things quiet? I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of our relationship or anything. I’ll tell the whole world if that’s what you want. Now, hadn't you better take it easy?’ Nigel shrugged, allowing her to guide him across the room towards the chair. ‘I thought we decided we don’t want to change things too much. It will be just the same as before…apart from I get to do this from time to time.’ He turned and looped his arm around her waist, pulling her in for another lingering, kiss. As he finally broke away, Nigel added. ‘Which, of course, is a nice thing to be able to do.’ Sydney blessed him with her warmest smile and gently pushed him down onto the chair. ‘And you get to know just how much I adore you, Nigel. Isn’t that nice as well?’ Nigel looked up at her, a studied look on his face, pretending this was a contention that needed thought. ‘I guess it is.’ A smile broke out that more than matched hers. ‘It’s a tad mean not telling Karen, I suppose,’ mused Nigel. Never having quite removed his hand from around her waist, he was enjoying the feel of Syd’s curves as his fingers drifted down her hip. ‘We’d better do that soon…just as soon as we’ve got used to it.’ He growled playfully. ‘Then I’ll never have to keep my hands off you.’ Sydney slapped his wrist. ‘You’ll keep your paws off when I say so, Nigel Bailey – I’m still the boss in working hours! Talking of which’, she added, ‘I hope you’re not thinking of teaching your class today.’ ‘Of course I am,’ he retorted, pouting at the untimely cessation of his fun. ‘What did you think I came in for? I know how irate you get if I don’t teach the full session!’ Sydney frowned, perched on the table. ‘I’m not exactly harsh on you, Nigel. Besides, you know those guys in the university finance office are spreading rumours about how I pounded my TA to within an inch of his life for not teaching the full hour of ‘Introduction to Ancient Europe’. I hardly want to be seen cracking the whip again so soon, do I? Nigel cringed apologetically. ‘Sorry. I thought Derek pulled a few strings to make sure the police never asked awkward questions?’ ‘Its not your fault, Nigel…and, yeah, Derek did his best, but it was inevitable people would talk when they kept you in hospital for two days…I mean, nobody really bought the story about you being mugged. It’s a good job everyone else at the university don’t have it in for me as much as the finance guys!’ She shushed her voice to a whisper again. ‘I think poor Karen thinks your injuries had something to do with Derek and a mission he forced you to go on.’ ‘Oh dear,’ said Nigel. ‘We’d better do something about that before he pops into say hello next. Karen can be a very determined lady!’ ‘I agree,’ said Syd. ‘I’ll have to work on it before Derek Lloyd gets a verbal battering that is undeserved - for a change. Oh, by the way, this arrived for you.’ Sydney picked up an official looking, brown envelope. ‘I was going to give it to you tonight. It’s from the International Journal of Ancient Studies. I didn’t know you’d submitted anything to them yet, Nigel. They’re the best in the field, you know.’ ‘I know,’ said Nigel, ripping apart the envelope in a failing attempt to conceal his excitement. ‘I was bored in hospital, so I cobbled together a proposal for a paper on the social history of Southern Gaulle in Roman times. I didn’t tell you as I wasn’t expecting to hear back for months…if ever!’ Sydney ran around, now as intrigued as he was. She read the letter over his shoulder, on which she placed an affectionate hand. Nigel was shaking with anticipation. ‘My God! Nigel!’ gasped Syd, as she registered the first few lines. ‘They don’t just want a paper…they want a book and a symposium! They say your theories could revolutionise the social history of the Ancient World!’ Nigel, too thrilled for words, swivelled around and pulled her into a breathless kiss. As he edged away, however, she detected a flash of concern. ‘Its going to be a nightmare to footnote, Syd!’ he spluttered. ‘I mean, I now know what it was really like, right down to the blood and sand…but how am I going to prove it all? I can hardly tell them I’ve been there!’ ‘Ah, Nigel,’ smiled Sydney. ‘You’re a brilliant researcher. If anyone can find the evidence, you can…at least now you know what you’re looking for.’ ‘I suppose,’ said Nigel doubtfully, the momentous nature of the task before him slowly dawning. Sydney never felt so proud of her own, numerous achievements as she felt at that moment for Nigel. ‘I can’t believe it!’ she gushed. ‘Well, actually, I can! If I heard anyone was going to have a book out before they’d even completed their PhD, it would be you, Nigel. You’re very talented.’ Nigel blushed modestly, and gladly pointed out: ‘Didn’t you have two books out before you got your doctorate, Syd?’ ‘Well, perhaps,’ she admitted. ‘But you’ve still got time for another one. At this rate they’re going to make you the professor!’ ‘Don’t be silly, Syd,’ said Nigel. ‘But if they do….’ ‘If they do?’ Sydney raised her eyebrows. What was he driving at? ‘If they do,’ continued Nigel with a cheeky grin, ‘you can be my assistant as long as you want to be. I can’t think of anyone better. And then I can kiss you all day!’ Sydney’s jaw dropped in mock horror as he headed for the door. ‘Maybe you are turning into a monster, Nigel!’ ‘Maybe…’ Nigel shut the door and headed off to teach his ‘Introduction to Ancient Europe' class, ready for anything. The End
Thank you very much for reading. Your opinion on my little story would be very much appreciated: please leave feedback here
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