CHAPTER 4

Nigel lay on the bed staring at the ceiling in his hotel room, and for the first time he could not focus. He couldn’t draw on any of usual triggers to calm himself down. Nothing from history, nor any ancient language or written legend could ease his mind. Mason and the others had been arrested and he and Sydney had returned to the hotel after their debriefing. He had gone straight to his room, unable to deal with Sydney’s concern or Cate’s questions any longer. He had changed back into his regular clothes, but his hair was still dark, the colour would take a few washings to come out.

He refused to believe Mason, well really why should he? The man was a criminal, a professional liar. He was just playing with Nigel, messing with his mind. Nigel was bothered by the idea that they might be related, especially since Preston was his only other living relative; the fact that both Ian and Mason were international thugs for hire did nothing to encourage him to want to add them to the Bailey family tree.

He wondered if he should tell Preston. He wondered if Preston knew, or at least suspected. Was that why his older brother had tormented him, because Nigel was…He shook his head. No, his mother and father had been very good to him, they had loved him and he had loved them back, adored them really. It wasn’t fathomable that his father could treat him so well, with such love if Nigel had not been his. If his mother had an affair, especially with her husband’s brother, and Nigel and Ian were the result, Ross Bailey would have resented Nigel, wouldn’t he?

It was all too much, too much to comprehend, even for his impressive brain. Nigel never agreed with the term of too much information, now he was wondering if there wasn’t some truth behind it. He loved to learn, lived to read and research new things, but this…this was beyond him. He wished he’d never met Ian, or Mason, or even Cate at this point.

There was a knock at his door and he ignored it; he didn’t want to talk to anyone, and he knew that it would be Sydney anyway. A louder knock commanded his attention and he rolled from the bed, reluctantly to go answer. He pulled open the door, startled to find Cate on the other side.

“Cate?”

“Hi,” she offered him a small smile. “I…I need to talk to you.”

He sighed and rubbed his temples. “Cate, I…I’m really not…equipped for talking right now. C…can we do this later?”

She moved past him into the room. “No, I’m sorry, Nigel, but I think we have to do this now.”

Nigel closed the door, slowly, and turned to face her. “Fine. What’s so important?”

Cate sat on the bed, set her briefcase on the floor and patted the spaced beside her. He moved to sit next to her. If she thought he was up for any romantic activity, she would be very disappointed. Nothing could be further from his mind at this moment.

“Nigel, I…I want to apologize for getting you into all this.”

“You didn’t know, Cate…”

“I did…well I suspected that there would be more of a connection between you and Mason. I should have insisted that you not be involved for personal reasons, but my superior wanted you and…”

“And you had no other way to do it.” Nigel glanced at the floor. He’d heard that before. “I…I don’t blame you, Cate.”

“That’s what worries me,” she insisted, placing her hand under his chin and turning him to look at her. “You should blame me, Nigel. It is my fault and I never meant to hurt you. Sydney blames me, why don’t you?”

“I’m not Sydney.”

“Nigel.”

“Cate, why do you want me to blame you? I can’t and you know why. You have to know why.” He reached up and caressed her cheek, his eyes searching for a return of his feelings, but as usual finding only regret and helplessness. “Cate, I…I know you don’t love me, not the way…just tell me. Be honest with me, please?”

“I care for you, Nigel…” Cate began, tears swimming in her eyes. She did care for him, very much and she didn’t want to hurt him. “I…I want to…I…”

With a boldness that surprised them both, he leaned in and kissed her. Cate wound her arms around him and returned the kiss with fervour. There was never any doubt of their chemistry together; it was explosive, but was it enough?

Nigel pulled back, and seemed to answer her silent question. “No.” He pulled back and looked away from her. “It hurts too much, Cate. I can’t do it anymore.” He took a deep breath. “I think you should go now.”

“I don’t want it to end like this, Nigel.”

“We can’t always have what we want, Cate.”

Cate stared at him, hurt. Finally, she rose and pulled a handful of papers out of her briefcase. “I wanted to give you these,” she said as she dropped the two heavy files on the bed

“What is it?”

“Our complete records on Mason and Worthingham. Everything we have on them and not the watered down versions I gave you before.”

He stared at the folder, and then up at her, startled. She could be fired for turning over confidential information gathered by Interpol. “Why?”

“Maybe it will help you get some answers.” She reached into her jacket pocket and retrieved a thin white envelope. “And this you can read whenever you’re ready. I haven’t looked at it.”

“What is it?”

Cate took a deep breath before replying. “A DNA test we ran on Mason just a few hours ago. We compared it to yours.”

His eyebrows rose. “How did you get mine?”

She just smirked at him and he felt foolish for even asking. She did work for Interpol, after all. He imagined they had entire files on him and Sydney too. “You can look at it whenever you’re ready.”

He tried to give her back the envelope. “I don’t want it. I know the truth.”

Cate caught his hands in both of hers. “Keep it, just in case.” She leaned in and gently pressed her lips to his. “Call me if you want to?”

It was more a question than a request and Nigel wasn’t used to hearing uncertainty in her voice. He stared at her for a long time. Finally, he lowered his eyes to their linked hands and said. “Cate, will you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“I have to ask you…” He paused and squeezed her fingers before releasing them, but he did not look up. “If you have any more missions, please, don’t come to us.”

Cate blinked and stepped back, stunned. “I thought you didn’t blame me?”

He didn’t blame her, truly, but he couldn’t handle her walking in and out of his life and turning it upside down on a whim, anymore. “Please, Cate?”

Cate was so startled by the quiet plea in his voice that she could think of nothing to say. She slowly nodded and moved away. Nigel watched her walk out the door and out of his life for the final time, then glanced down at the envelope in his hand. He tossed it on the bed.

Suddenly, the silence in his room was too much and he headed for the door. He was startled when he opened it and found Sydney on the other side, raising her hand to knock.

“Hey,” she greeted softly.

“Hey.”

They stared at each other.

“Want to go get drunk?” she asked.

He nodded and closed the door behind him. “Yes, please.”

Sydney tossed an arm around his shoulders. “I know just the place.”

Nigel paused at the elevator and looked at her. “Syd?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She squeezed his shoulder as they stepped inside the lift. “That’s what I’m here for, Nige.”

Several hours later, Sydney helped Nigel back to his room. She was almost as drunk as he was, but she held her liquor better than he and could still function properly. It was the first time they had ever been intoxicated together, but she couldn’t let him drink alone, not tonight.

“I think we probably should have eaten something,” she muttered as she released him close enough to the bed so that if he fell over he’d fall on the mattress. Her stomach was churning from a diet of margaritas and rum shots.

Nigel slowly lowered himself to the bed, but remained sitting up. His head was spinning and his stomach wasn’t great either, but it was a still a better feeling than what he’d been experiencing earlier. “Order.”

Sydney looked at him startled as she dropped down beside him. “Huh?”

“If you’re hungry, order some food.”

She flopped back on the bed and lifted her wrist to glance at her watch. She squinted to see the numbers. “It’s after one in the morning. They’re closed.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t think of another solution, so he just left it alone.

Sydney spotted the envelope on the bed and picked it up. “What’s this?”

Nigel grabbed the envelope from her. “Leave it!” he snapped and then immediately apologized. “I…sorry, Syd. It’s nothing.” He tossed the envelope on the nightstand.

Sydney regarded him quietly for a moment, and then started to sit up. Her coordination was a little shaky, after she’d relaxed, and she grabbed his shoulder to bring her up to his eye level. “You should get some sleep,” she said. “You’ll feel better in the morning.” She paused. “Oh, but take a couple of aspirin before you do, so you won’t be as hung over.”

He nodded, but made no move to follow her suggestion.

Sydney started to rise to her feet, but Nigel caught her hand. She looked down at him, questioningly and was even more curious when he immediately released her and averted his eyes. “Nigel?”

He shook his head.

“You want me to stay?”

He nodded again, but his gaze remained attached to a spot on the floor.

She patted his shoulder. “Let me go get my stuff and I’ll be right back, okay?” She was at the door when she heard him call her name.

“Syd?”

She turned and waited, patiently.

He rose. “It’s been a bad day, hasn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” She offered him a small smile. “At least we got the bad guys.”

“Yeah.” He looked away again and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll be right back,” she promised and opened the door.

“Syd?”

“Yeah?”

“I…I’m quite drunk. Maybe…maybe you shouldn’t…”

She smiled at him over her shoulder. “I trust you, Nigel.” She stepped out and closed the door.

Nigel released a long sigh and dropped down onto the bed again. He didn’t think he would try anything with Sydney, and even if he did she wasn’t drunk enough to let him get away with it, but he wasn’t thinking very clearly at the moment and his attitude might change when she returned. He had no desire to embarrass either of them, which is why he warned her that he was feeling incredibly lonely and distraught. Sydney understood what he was trying to say, as she always did, and still she was willing to stay.

He stared at the envelope on the nightstand for a long moment, before picking it up and pulling his lighter out of his pocket. He watched as the flame sprung to life and moved the envelope towards it, and then paused. He didn’t believe that Mason was his father and the information inside the envelope could confirm his belief…Yet, there was just the smallest doubt in his mind.

The similarities were too extreme. Finding a man who was, by all accounts, his twin, and then discovering that that man’s father was identical to Nigel’s own father was too much of a coincidence. Mason had known his mother’s name, and Nigel had never told anyone her name, not Cate, not even Sydney. He wasn’t keeping it a secret, but they had been dead for several years, so it wasn’t a topic he broached often.

How did one test for paternity when twins were involved, anyway? Their DNA would be almost exact. He supposed that Cate’s resources allowed them to weed out the truth, but was it really a truth he wanted any part of? The scientist in him had to suppose that Max Mason could be his father and that Ian had been his twin brother. The man in him refused to admit to a lineage other than the one he had always known.

He snapped his lighter shut and continued to stare at the envelope. There were so many questions, so many possibilities. What was the truth and what was a lie? He understood enough about genetics to understand that having one criminal in a family did not mean a bad gene was passed through the rest. It was no more likely that a child of alcoholic or abusive parents would grow up to abuse others. It happened, certainly, but just as reasonable a percent lived normal and healthy lives. Most managed to break the cycle.

He knew who Mason was, a thief, a crook and a liar. Most of all, he was a killer. The man would have killed Sydney in a heart beat, of that he had no doubt. It was impossible that his mother could ever have felt anything for a man like Mason. Yet, instead of shooting Sydney when he had the chance, Mason stopped when Nigel revealed his true identity, as if shocked. Did that make his story true? Perhaps, parts of it could be. Was it enough to accept Mason as his father, or even his long lost uncle?

He flipped the top on his lighter again. “No,” he muttered as he moved the flame towards the envelope. He was startled when the envelope was pulled away, just before the paper could catch fire. He glanced back at Sydney, surprised.

“Whatever this is,” she advised quietly. “You may want it in the morning, when you’re thinking more clearly.”

He stared at her. How did she know so much? How did she always manage to get inside his head? “I won’t,” he said.

She tossed the envelope over by his knapsack. “You might.” She caressed his upper arm. “Trust me.” She dropped two aspirins into his hand. “And take these.”

He slowly nodded.

“I’m going to go change.” She set her case on the bed, opened it and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. “You want to get the bed ready?”

He watched her walk into the bathroom and close the door. He glanced at where the envelope had landed beside his bag, and then shrugged. Sydney was right, he wasn’t thinking clearly. He quickly changed into his shorts and a T-shirt and climbed into the bed, pulling the covers back on the left for her. He pulled off his watch and set it on the nightstand, surprised that he managed to do all of this without once stumbling or getting caught up in his clothing. Perhaps, he wasn’t as drunk as he thought he was.

Sydney returned a few minutes later and climbed in beside him. “Okay?” she asked as she reached up to switch off the lamp.

She wasn’t just asking permission to turn out the light. Nigel allowed her a small smile. “Yeah.”

She switched off the lamp and snuggled down. “Night, Nige.”

“Sweet dreams, Syd.”

 

Continued to chapter 5