Summary: Holiday happenings with the G-boys coming out on top of it all.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters and mecha. I merely
created this fanfic for fun. Do not flame or sue me, please.
Rating: PG. Some unnerving scenes and casual talk about weapons.
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Thanksgiving Daysaster
By: Raye Firearrows

When Heero gets a chainsaw, y'know the turkey'll hit the blade.


Relena set the last china plate on the picnic table. "It's almost
ready."
Dorothy grinned. "Hopefully, this holiday'll go without a hitch.
Remember Halloween?"
Hildi shuddered. That memory was all too vivid.
Heero and the guys had never shown up at the party Relena had planned
at the mansion. Instead, they decided to play a horrible joke on the worried
girls. Quatre called on his cell phone and informed Dorothy in a shaky,
terrified voice that their car had been hyjacked. The five of them were being
held hostage by four, heavily-armed gunmen.
Relena, in a panic, called the police and had one of the worst mental
breakdowns in history. She was not at all pleased when the smirking five
finally reached the house, and took her anger out on Quatre, choking him
instead of Heero because her boyfriend had managed to climb onto the roof and
out of her clutches.
Relena snapped the candle she had been holding into two pieces,
gritting her teeth as she dug her nails into the soft wax.
"If those five even dare to do something like that today, I'll
personally break every blood vessel in their bodies!"
"But Relena, Halloween wasn't as bad as last Christmas!" Hildi
pointed out.
Last Christmas was over at Quatre's house. Everything was going
great, until about an hour before the gift exchanges when Quatre disappeared.
Everyone searched high and low, but it seemed the boy had vanished
into thin air. Dorothy was pulling her hair out in aggrivation, sure he was
playing a joke on everyone.
Then Heero found the ransom note. "Leave one million dollars at the
Great Sato Bridge, or we'll kill Quatre and dump his body in the bay."
The guys not in on the joke (Trowa and Duo) tried to comfort the
distraught girls by begining the gift exchange. Dorothy opened her present
first, a giant, red-paper wrapped box.
As Dorothy unwrapped the box, Quatre popped out with a wide grin. He
wasn't grinning when Dorothy grabbed a poker from the fireplace and began to
chase him about the house, smashing vases and paintings and screaming
angrily.
"Yeah, that was pretty bad. But not as bad as Valentine's Day."
Relena said.
There was a carnival on Valentine's Day, and Heero, Duo, and Wufei
had volunteered for the Dunk Tank. When the three didn't show up when they
were supposed to, Hildi, Relena, and Dorothy had to take their spots on the
bench above the pink-tinted water.
Hildi was ticked enough when the three did show up in time to be the
first to dunk them, but she was absolutely livid when they resurfaced to find
their skin, hair, and clothes covered in pink dye and paint. Duo couldn't
hear anything for the next month after Hildi finished screaming at him. And
she looked like a pink smurf for another month after that.
"What about the 4th of July?" Dorothy muffled a snigger, but Relena
just glared at her frostily.
Just for fun, Heero had tied a bottle rocket to one of Relena's
braids. Everyone, even Hildi and Dorothy, were rolling around, laughing their
Relena, running around and screaming like a lunatic with her hair on fire,
trailing green and blue sparks.
"How about New Year's?" Hildi asked.
Relena looked down. "That was more shameful than anything, I think."
Duo had managed to spike the extremely large, red punch bowl with no
less than 37 cans of Miller beer. Everyone was so loopy, no one could
remember much. But what they remembered was more than enough.
"And don't forget Easter." Dorothy reminded them.
Heero had tried to get everyone involved in an easter egg hunt, but
after Trowa discovered that the egss were really grenades, everyone evacuated
the area in a hurry.
"Well, I'm gonna make sure that this holiday at least will go off
without a hitch." Relena said firmly. "Every holiday, something disgraceful
happens. This time, everything's going to be normal."

"So, who's gonna cut the turkey?" Quatre asked after everyone sat
down to eat.
"Heero, do you want to?" Relena said in a tone that clearly said,
Don't toy with me.
Heero sighed. "Yes, dear." He looked around and grinned. "Where's the
carving knife?"
"I'll go get it. It must be in the kitchen." Relena offered.
Heero shook his head and Relena sat down again. "I'll go get one."
And without further ado, Heero sped off around the house. Everyone
looked at each other.
"Where's he going? The knives are in the kitchen, not the shed."
Relena mused aloud.
Suddenly, everyone's skin began to shiver as a chainsaw revved up
nearby.
"Heero! NO!!!!!" Relena screamed as Heero appeared, carrying a
chainsaw and laughing maniacally.
Screams and panic ran unabounds as Heero attacked the poor roast
turkey. Meat and bones flew through the air, followed by plates of cranberry
sauce and yams.
Dorothy, beamed by a drumstick and rendered unconscious, was pulled
to the safety of under-the-table by Quatre.
"Duck!! Everyone take cover!!!! Into the trenches!! Heero's gone
MAD!!! Me and women first!!!!!" Duo cried as he dove behind a wheelbarrow.
Relena sagged against a tree as another plate of biscuits flew past.
"Why can't we just have some normal holidays?!?!?!" she cried.
Trowa grinned as he ducked a baked potato. "Because we're not
normal!"


The story ends with everyone breathing a collective sigh of relief as
the gas in Heero's chainsaw runs out.



The End
(Until Christmas...)