This Is Not My Day; 7

Trowa’s Folly &  Santa Exposed

 

 

 

 

All the guests had finally arrived with no incidences.   Unless of course you count the man who had turned up drunk and had tried to seduce a coat tree.   Milliardo had kicked that guy out so fast that no one even knew he had come… and never would know because it turns out the man wasn’t even invited.

 

The children were all snuggled up next to the fire; all were waiting for Santa to come, joy showed on all their faces.   Relena was also waiting for Santa to come, with a look of anxiety on her face.   She had been dreading this moment since she heard who Santa Clause was.

 

Then he practically pranced down the stairs while ‘Hohohoing’ at the same time.   He flopped down in the Christmas chair that had been holding Santa for generations.

 

The leg cracked at a weird angle and the whole chair collapsed.

 

Santa couldn’t seem to be able to get up; all his padding was keeping him anchored to the ruins of the chair.   Relena cringed and waited for the swearing to begin.

 

It didn’t come.   Santa was ‘Hohohohohing’ again.    Relena cautiously opened her eyes to find that Santa was taking kids on his lap while on the floor.

 

A larger child all but flopped on Santa’s lap.   Santa jumped up, still not swearing, and picked a splinter out of the seat of his cheery red pants.

 

Santa was done giving out gifts and started to help parents put their children to bed or in the room already set up for them to play in.   Relena raised an eyebrow as she scanned the room.   Heero could never have been that calm through that ordeal, something was up.

 

She felt a slight breeze flutter the back of her hair.   Her heartbeat sped up a bit… it was a sure sign.

 

“Heero?”   She turned to find him sitting behind her.  He was wearing a tuxedo that was a bit to small at the cuffs, but otherwise fit perfectly.

 

“Who did you con into being Santa this year, Duo?”

 

She looked over at the buffet line to find Duo standing in line with a look of concentration upon his brow.

 

“Quatre.”

 

“Poor Quatre, he was Santa last year and swore never to do it again.   Did you know some kid bit his nose?”

 

Silence.

 

“He’ll never do it again, between last year and this year he’ll be scared for life… literally.   So, how’d you get him in that suit?”

 

“I stuck a gun in my vast waistband.”

 

  Duo came bounding up, balancing four plates piled with food.   He set them all in front of himself and started to eat.   When he saw the looks on his friend’s faces, Relena’s look of awe and Heero’s superglare, he pushed a platter towards them.

 

“Here you guys can share this, I dropped half of it on the floor but…” *shrugs*

 

“Gee, Duo, you’re all heart, but Heero and I could never ask you to give up some of your food.”   Relena said a bit dryly.

 

Duo looked at the two.   “So has Heero told you how he got out of being Santa?   I noticed you were sitting on the edge of your seat all evening.   Thinking of going to sit on Santa’s lap?”

 

Relena glared.

 

“Wait till you hear this!”   Duo starts to tell the story.

 

“We were trying to teach Heero to be Santa.   Needless to say he sucked at it, man was he hopeless.    Then Heero grabbed a gun, put it in his waistband and said.

 

“I will get rid of all these annoying men who touch, or even talk to Relena.   No one would ever suspect it of the man in the red suit.   I shall avenge my sweet angel.”

 

Heero glared.   He then turned to Relena.   “You know I didn’t say that right?”

 

Quatre then knocked Heero out, stole the suit and said heroically that he wouldn’t let those children be traumatized for life.   The whole thing was beautiful.

 

Quatre came up behind Duo.   “Heero happily gave me the suit, there was no need for violence.”

 

Duo looked slightly hurt.   “But Heero did say he would kill all of Relena’s suitors, right?”

 

Quatre looked thoughtful for a moment.   “I believe he said, ‘someone’s going to die tonight.’  Then he started to grumble about it being his personal mission to shoot the person who made the Santa suit.”

 

Duo looked triumphant.   “See, he did say he would kill Relena’s suitors.”

 

Multiple sweatdrops among the people at the table.

 

Across the room Wufei was having problems of his own.   He had decided to stay with the sanest person this evening.   He was currently questioning his judgment of sane as he downed another glass of champaign.

 

He had thought Trowa would do nothing all evening but watch the babes.   That was something he could live with, he thought as he grabbed another glass of wine and took a sip/gulp.

 

But noooooo…   He had just watched ‘the sane one’ play every practical joke available.   From the whoopee cushion under the Prime Minister’s seat cushion to spiking the punch with so much liquor that one drink could knock you out, Trowa was on a roll.

 

That was why he was standing here drinking glass after glass of anything but punch.   He decided it was best to stay on Trowa’s good side, or at least by his side, someone had to keep an eye or two on him.   Wufei was becoming incredible nervous around unibangboy this evening… he was even worse than the braided baka.

 

Why was he worse?   It was because he showed no emotion, except for a brief flash of smugness now and then, all evening.   You could never tell when he had or would strike.   It was damn scary.

 

Wufei grabbed another drink.   A woman slipped on the floor in front of them and they caught a flash of her underwear.

 

That would be another reason for staying with Trowa, girls fell at his feet.

 

Meanwhile Sally and Hilde had joined Heero, Relena, Duo, and Quatre.   Quatre still hadn’t taken off his Santa suit yet and was now sweating buckets, despite the environment he had grown up in.

 

He excused himself to go get a drink of punch.   He got up to go to the refreshment table and joined Catherine and Dorothy in a drink.   After downing a glass or two he finally felt a bit cooler.

 

He toasted the girls and they went to sit at a nearby table.   The glasses somehow kept being replenished.

 

“You know what would be funny, if we went and made Relena and Heero kiss.”  Catherine giggled.

 

“So Heero could shoot us dead, no.  You know what would be funnnnnnnny?   It would be funny if Santa boggied on the dance floor.”

 

“No way!” Quatre slurred.   “It would be funnier if he stripped on this table.”

 

They drank a bit more until Quatre stood up and declared, “I am Santa.”

 

Relena, at her table, had just got finished saying how well Quatre handled himself as Santa that evening when a large red jacket landed in Duo’s four replenished plates of food.   She stood up and scanned the room while Duo was choking on a chicken bone.

 

A few tables away was Quatre, the girls were helping him take off his stomach padding while shouting, “Go Santa! Oh Santa!”

 

Trowa looked across the room.   He finally showed emotion, but not the emotion Wufei wanted.   Trowa looked mad, no down right pissed off.   “What the heck is she DOING?”

 

Quatre started to swing the padding around his head in the air.   He let go of it and knocked Milliardo in the back of the head.

 

Milliardo had been blissfully unaware of stripping Quatre (even though Noin had been following the sight from the beginning) until his head was pushed into his bowl of soup, where he almost drowned.

 

Wufei responded to Trowa’s bellow.   “I believe she’s helping Santa strip, but don’t worry I’m sure your sister has more sense than to do anything with him.”

 

“I’m not talking about my sister!”   Wufei decided to keep silent about this one.

 

One of the girls was now on the table, standing behind Quatre, running her hands up and down Quatre’s lean hard stomach.

 

Milliardo saw red.   Not only had that jackass Yuy made his sister fall in love with him, but now he was breaking her heart while he danced on it while stripping.

 

Quatre’s top was now off and being held in some fainted woman’s hands.

 

The women around stared awestruck.   Some started to sigh.   Relena and Hilde were among these few.   The guys glared at them.

 

“What?   I never knew Quatre was soooooo hot.”

 

Quatre jumped to a nearby table just as Milliardo lunged at him, tripped over Noin’s foot, and fell on the table.   The table collapsed under Milliardo’s weight, even though it had just held up Quatre and his entourage for like five minutes.

 

Quatre let go of his pants just as the leg caught fire.   It started to burn everything on the table.   Quatre was still obliviously shaking his tushy, wearing only his little Christmas boxers, Santa hat and a fake beard.

 

Someone grabbed the bowl of punch, the only nonflammable liquid in the vicinity, and threw it on the burning table, just as Quatre stepped off.   The table went up in a mini explosion and Quatre skipped out of the room with several women following him, flames danced on the little pompom on his hat.