Disclaimers:  Don't own GW or any of it's characters, I just make them dance to my every whim...  ::evil gleam works its way into Jadet's eyes:: Dance Wufei, dance! Hehe!  Anyway, don't own em' so don't sue me okay?

 

Authors Notes:  Gomen for taking so long, I hit a mental roadblock on how I wanted this dumb thing to end.  But Heero-chan blew it up for me so don't worry! ^_~ Ummmmm nothing new to report, just I hope you enjoy this chapter as you have the others, and ask for you to review.  Well, here goes! ^.~

 

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Never Let Go:  Chapter 4

By Jadet

Copyright 01'

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Something was shining in her eyes.

 

Relena turned onto her side, pulling the covers over her head.  She didn't want to wake up, really she didn't.  Because waking up meant morning sickness, and morning sickness meant the morning ritual dash-to-the-bathroom-as-fast-as-you-can dash.  Then of course the throwing up, and the bad taste and bad breath, and last but not least the nausea until 11 or so.  So she really, really didn't want to wake up.  She wanted to sleep....

 

Aw foo, she was already awake wasn't she?

 

Relena moaned softly and patted the bed beside her, looking for Heero.  Her hand only met air and Relena opened a bleary eye, frowning.  It wasn't that late in the morning, Heero should still be beside her, staring at her as was his habit.  And she could recall him coming home last night from his mission...

 

Relena felt all the color drain from her face as the events from last night flooded into her brain, and she closed her eyes in an attempt to block them. 

 

Oh God, had she really been gone five years?  It didn't seem possible, it didn't!  She had the memories of the last two days, or to her what was the last two days.  She could remember the pang of worry as always when Heero drove away with Duo, and the joy she had felt when she felt their son or daughter kick inside her.  She could remember every minute of those two days, every single minute.  To her no more than those two days had passed. Yet she had just found out that she had in fact been gone the last five years, supposedly _dead_.  But that couldn't be possible, she was alive and at this moment, hurting.  Her head was pounding something fierce.

 

Then again it might not have been so bad to be dead, at least then her head wouldn't be feeling like it was getting knocked on by a sledge hammer every few seconds, Relena thought dryly.

 

Her headache could wait though, she had to have some answers.  And knowing Heero, reassure him.  Even though to her it had only been two days since she had last seen Heero, to him it had been five years.  If the roles were reversed, she wouldn't want him lying around in bed moaning over a dumb headache, but comforting her.  And she had to find out what had happened during those years she was gone.  How many of her friends had gotten sick, married, or even had children?  What had Heero done all those years? 

 

Yup, it was time to wake up and face the music so to speak.

 

Relena slowly opened her eyes again, squinting against the sun coming through the window.  Since she was in their bed she assumed that after passing out last night, Heero carried her here.  But where would he be?  Leaning up on one elbow, Relena began to scan the room.

 

She found her husband slouched in a chair close to her bed.  He was sleeping from the looks of it since his chest rose and fell rhythmically.  His arms were crossed over his chest like his usual stance while his legs were stretched out in front of him.  Relena almost giggled when she saw that one of his big toes sticking out of his sock.  Making a mental note to patch up his sock, Relena turned her gaze back up to his face.  His chin rested on his chest and rose with it as he breathed.  He looked relaxed, Relena thought with a smile.  With a stray strand of chocolate silk laying on his forehead, and his mouth laying slightly open, he looked more like a child than a man.

 

It was moments like these that Relena enjoyed the most, when she saw the man instead of the mask.  She knew he used his masks to intimidate others and convince them to what he wanted, but she also knew that he used his masks to hide from everyone.  It was only at these times that she caught him without the mask, and made her love him even more.

 

About to get up and wake him, Relena shot back into the bed when the door to their room opened.  She almost let out a sigh of relief when she saw Sally poke her head in.  She hadn't wanted one of Heero's friends to see her in her pajamas Heero must have changed her in.  Especially Duo since she knew he would get a kick out of her teddy bear patterned top and bottom.  She'd never hear the end of that!

 

Sally from her vantage point couldn't see that she was awake, Relena concluded when she smiled slightly and padded over to Heero's chair.  Not even glancing at where Relena was watching her curiously, Sally lightly brushed the strand of hair away from Heero's forehead, waking him.  Relena expected him to frown at her and was surprised when he instead smiled.

 

"Sally."

 

Sally nodded and gave him a smile.  "Still watching over her I see.  Has she woken yet?"

 

Heero shook his head.  "Not yet.  It's been three days Sally."

 

"I know, she should wake up soon.  Don't worry."

 

Relena contained a gasp of dismay.  Three days?  She hadn't been asleep three days... had she?  Relena frowned thoughtfully.  Poor Heero, he must have been worrying this whole time.

 

Heero nodded and closed his eyes. "Hn."

 

Sally smiled again and walked quietly over to the closet, withdrawing a blanket.  With a practiced gesture, she threw the blanket over him, tucking it securely around him.  Before that though, Relena had noticed something strange at the base of one of his wrists.  Though she couldn't see it very well, it looked like a faded pink jagged scar of some sort.  She wondered absentmindedly how he could have gotten that, but felt that thought and all others flush out of her mind when Sally, after she was done, leaned over and kissed him softly on the forehead.  Hot white jealousy shocked Relena when it flowed through her veins.  Dread soon followed.  Had something happened between those two while she had been gone.  Though it was silly and unjustified, Relena became angry.  He should be loyal to her dammit!

 

Before Relena could let out a gasp of outrage, Sally turned and placed a finger against her lips.  Nodding to the door, she motioned Relena to follow her.  Frowning, Relena nodded and slipped out from under the sheets, quietly following behind Sally.  Only after the door was shut behind them did Relena turn a smoldering glare at Sally.

 

"What was that back there?"

 

Sally raised an eyebrow.  "Good morning to you too."  She paused and cocked her head.  "What was what?"

 

"You know what I'm talking about, the kiss!"

 

Sally's eyes widened for a second before she shook her head and leaned against the banister behind her.  "That wasn't what it looked like Relena."

 

Relena narrowed her eyes.  "Then what was it?"

 

"Did you happen to notice the scars on Heero's wrists?"  Sally asked, changing the subject.  Relena frowned with annoyance but nodded.  Sally glanced behind Relena to the door, a thoughtful look in her eyes.  "Did he tell you how came by those scars?"  A shake of the head this time.  "Then I better start at the beginning."

 

"As long as I have known Heero, I have always admired his strength and ability to get though anything.  At times I wished I was that strong, especially during the Eve Wars, I could have especially used his strength then."  Sally smiled slightly but quickly continued when Relena looked like she was about to say something.  "Everyone took the news of your death hard, some harder than others.  Quatre refused to eat for a while and Duo became very solemn and drawn in.  Heero seemed to take it all very well however for the first few days.  Besides the outburst when he first found out, he was very quiet and completely like the Heero we used to know years before.  It scared us.  He got better as the weeks went on, though I kept someone constantly by his side.  I had a bad feeling."

 

Relena frowned when Sally paused, blinking back some tears Relena could tell wanted to break free.  Slowly the anger Relena felt earlier faded away and was replaced by apprehension.  What had happened?

 

"It was about two months after your death that Heero finally collapsed inward.  We all thought he was doing fine after the first month.  He didn't show any signs of trying to do something stupid, and after that first month I stopped having someone play the "babysitters" as Duo called them.  By that time my bad feeling had faded until it was only a nagging suspicion until one day when I was going to see him for a check up.  He hadn't been eating very much and Quatre had called me to ask if I could see him.  I agreed, and while I was driving here, that bad feeling intensified.  I almost got here too late."

 

Sally let a few tears fall and finally looked at Relena for the first time since she had began.  "He was surrounded by blood when I found him in your room.  He had cut his wrists in an attempt to kill himself and when I came into the room, pointed a gun at me to make me stay away.  He had looked exhausted since the day the news of your death came, but he looked dead just then.  I had no choice but to wait until he had collapsed before I approached him.  We almost lost him, and it took him about two weeks of intense care before he was able to be moved to a normal hospital room.  The shock of what he had done overwhelmed everyone, even making Duo cry.  It scared us, and everyone has been fretful he would try it again.  He hasn't thankfully.  Since then Heero has gotten better, but has never been the same."  Sally forced a shaky smile and brought a hand up to wipe away the tears that had fallen.  "I always thought Heero couldn't be broken or brought to his knees.  I boasted to everyone that he and the Gundam pilots couldn't be defeated.  But he was broken, not from some outside force but from the inside.  Your death killed a part of him that I couldn't heal."

 

Relena stared at Sally shocked, feeling her own tears slide down her face.  Anguish tore at her heart as she let the story sink in.  It was her fault.  Meant or not, she had hurt him in a way that nothing could heal.  It was her fault that he had almost killed himself, that he had been sad all this time.  It was all her fault!  And she had accused him of being disloyal.  Guilt weighed down on her shoulders.  If it hadn't been for Sally, he would have died.  She was horrible to feel anger against two such wonderful people.

 

Relena lowered her head, letting her unkept blond hair hide her face.  "Thank you, Sally," she whispered.

 

Sally, composed, shook her head and lifted Relena's chin with her finger.  "I should thank you Relena."

 

Relena widened her eyes in confusion.  "Why?  I only caused him pain and...."

 

Sally smiled and shook her head again.  "No, you have only given him happiness.  I haven't seen him this alive since that day five years ago.  By just being alive you have done more than I, or anyone else, could have or has done."

 

Sally nodded when Relena looked at her questionably.  A little weight lifted off Relena's shoulders and she allowed a small smile to settle on her face.  "Thank you, for everything."

 

Sally squeezed her shoulders.  "Your welcome."

 

Relena sighed but straightened when she remembered part of Sally's and Heero's earlier conversation.  "Have I really been asleep for three days?"

 

Sally laughed at the look of embarrassment on Relena's face.  "Well actually four, counting today."  She laughed again when Relena turned an even darker shade of red.

 

"I'm sorry to have been so much trouble...."

 

"Nonsense!"  Sally scoffed.  "It wasn't your fault, your body needed it.  Which reminds me, is it true you can't remember anything of the past five years?"

 

Relena frowned and tugged on her hair thoughtfully.  "I'm not sure, all I remember clearly is...."

 

"RELENA!"

 

Relena stopped abruptly when Heero's anguished torn voice bellowed her name.  Quickly Relena turned on her heel and ran to the doorknob.  She was just about to open it when it was jerked open and Heero stood in the doorway.

 

He must have thought she had disappeared on him again, Relena concluded when she saw the crazy look in his eyes.  It faded slightly when his eyes settled on her standing in front of him, hand outstretched where the doorknob should have been.  Without thinking, Relena threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms tightly around his midriff, attempting to reassure herself that he was okay and not the man painted for her in Sally's story.  Hesitantly Relena felt Heero wrap stiff arms around her, tightening as well.

 

Heero buried his face in her hair, smelling her unique and familiar shampoo while trying to reassure himself that she was still here and alive, and calm his racing heart.  When he had woken up and found his bed empty, a terror and pain like he had never felt had clutched his heart.  He had thought he'd lost her again.  But she was okay and with him, he chanted to himself, wrapping his arms tighter around her.  And he wouldn't let go ever again.

 

Sally watched the reunion between the two and shushed her daughter that her husband Wufei had handed her.  Promising to tell both of them what was happening, she ushered them away to allow the lovers time to comfort each other.

 

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Relena sat beside Heero in their family room some time later, surrounded on all sides by friends.  It had taken them both a good ten minutes to force themselves to let go of the other and calm down enough to their racing hearts. When they were finally calm enough, Relena pulled his head down for a slow, sweet kiss that left much to be desired until one of Duo's three children had run into the two.  She had talked a mile a minute to them until Duo found them, grinning sheepishly.  At that moment Duo felt like a cad and dragged his daughter away, wishing for the hundredth time that they had dropped the kids off and not taken them with him and Hilde.

 

The distraction was enough to make Heero frown with determination and grab her hand, yelling at everyone to meet them down in the family room.  That had been two hours ago, after countless tears shed and numerous hugs by those happy that she was indeed alive and not dead.  Of course, this is excluding the times a few of them had to be revived from a faint....

 

Relena sighed and leaned back into Heero, clutching his hand tighter as she listened to everyone talk.  Heero rubbed a lazy thumb over her hand, and Relena smiled contently and looked at Duo when he called her name.

 

"So Relena, where were you all these years?"  Duo asked, looking around in blankly when everyone became silent and glared at him.  "What?"

 

Hilde sighed and smacked her husband on the back of the head, leaning over her very pregnant stomach.  "Baka."

 

Wufei rolled his eyes when Duo once again asked what he had done.  "Maxwell, sometimes your lack of intelligence and tact astounds me."

 

"All I remember is someone with white hair, green eyes and black skin."

 

Heero was about to tell everyone to be quiet and drop it when his wife whispered that statement.  He looked at her in surprise, placing a mask over his features to hide his anger over her announcement.  So someone was behind this whole thing after all.  Heero narrowed his eyes.  They wouldn't live much longer to boast of it if he had anything to say about it.

 

"Relena?"  Sally asked, her eyes showing their worry.

 

Everyone quieted and Relena fidgeted nervously under their gazes.  "I said all I can remember besides those two days is someone with white hair, green eyes and black skin."

 

"Are you sure?"  Une asked from her place on the couch across from them.  Relena closed her eyes and concentrated for a minute before nodding.  All the Gundam pilots looked at each other.

 

Duo frowned and placed an arm around Hilde's shoulders.  "Well looks like we get to do some hunting."

 

Heero nodded, his eyes glinting dangerously.  "Hn."

 

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It was cold outside, so cold that any sane human being would be inside sitting by the fire under a pile of blankets.  Any sane human would know that it was dangerous to stay outside in such weather, for no one could hear your cry for help should anything happen.  Any sane person would take one look at the storm howling and find some place to wait it out.

 

His orders wouldn't allow him to be sane right now.

 

The boy trudged through the snow with a deadly calm, moving fast enough so that he kept warm, but slow enough he didn't sweat underneath the sweatshirt and pants he was wearing.

 

The boy was just four years old, but he knew what to do and how to do it.  He would find his target and annihilate him.  It would be easy, as his orders indicated.  No one would suspect a small boy who should just be learning how to talk full sentences of being an assassin.  It should be very simple.  Then he could return back to the lab, and they couldn't hurt his mom any more.

 

The little boy frowned, and pressed a little harder.  He was only four but he knew what they were doing to his mommy, and he wouldn't wait until he was "strong enough" to do what they wanted him to do.  The more time he spent training, the more they hurt his mommy and the more she cried at night.  She kept saying his daddy's name in her sleep too, but never remembered she did so the next morning.  His mommy never remembered anything after the bad men made her eat those pills.

 

But his mommy wouldn't have to eat those pills or cry anymore when he came back and told the master he had finished the job.  His mommy would be happy then, and they could go find his daddy.  Then he could be like all those kids in the stories his mommy read him, and they could live happily ever after.

 

He had to finish his mission first though before he could go back to his mommy.  And he had to be careful that the bad men wouldn't catch him before he finished his job.  They would know he was gone now, and would be hurting his mommy to make her tell where he was.  She didn't know though, and maybe if he hurried, they wouldn't hurt her too much before he got back.

 

The little boy pushed a strand of chocolate colored hair away from his face, and squinted familiar blue eyes against the snow trying to push him back.  Just a little bit further, and then he could finish his job and go back to his mommy.

 

A happy thought crossed his mind.  

 

Maybe he could find his daddy before he went back and rescue his mommy from the master.

 

Maybe then his daddy could protect them.

 

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End of Chapter Four

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Remember peoples, don't forget to review!!!! Jya!! ^.~