Disclaimers: Do I own Gundam Wing

Disclaimers: Do I own Gundam Wing? Me? Me who never even has two pennies to rub together?? LET. ME. THINK. ::giggles:: I wish but no, so don't sue me. I am only using these characters for entertainment purposes only. Joy is mine tho (no not the feeling, the secretary!)

Authors Notes: OH MY GOSH!! This is one *weird* idea that has worked its way into my head!! Don't even try to figure out how this is all going to end, cause I don't even know myself! It just popped into my head while I was baby-sitting two screaming children, watching Toy Story 2 for the millionth time, and listening to my new CD. Weird how idea's come to you these days huh? But I do know that it won't be THAT long, 4 to 6 chapters most. But hopefully it'll have enough action, sappy romance, and Heero kicking bad-guy ass that it will please everyone. Okay?? Okay. Other than letting you know this will be one weird story, nothing else ya need to know. Oh and please don't forget to review k?? Thanks!! ^.~

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Never Let Go: Chapter One

By Jadet

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A short blond haired lady sat pensively at her desk, glancing nervously at the clock every few minutes while tapping her inch long red nails on the desktop. [One minute to go...] She thought, glancing once again at the elevator and pushing her wire rimmed glasses back up her nose. For all three years she had worked for her boss, he had never been late once. The guy was punctual to a fault, and as grouchy as they come unfortunately. [And today would probably be no different] She thought with a sigh.

An elevator bell tolled it's level and the young woman steeled herself for another day working for him.

[Too bad his vacation couldn't last longer] she thought wryly, plastering a smile on her face as her boss exited the elevator then, a cold glare already on his face.

"Good Morning Colonel Yuy, did you have a nice vacation?"

"No."

Heero glared at his secretary, smirking inwardly when she flinched and stepped onto the landing. The elevator closed quietly behind him, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief to be back. He should have never have listened to Duo, the only place where he could forget and be truely comfortable was here. Where the work piled so high he didn't have a chance to think. Five years ago he would have hated the schedule, now he relished it. If he didn't have time to think, he didn't have to feel. And that in itself was perfect.

Giving a slight nod to the still trembling young woman, Heero walked past her into his office and shut the door behind him. He didn't, however, miss the sigh of relief from his secretary from behind the closed door. A smirk found it's place on his face and Heero once again relished the thought of mountains of work. And _lots_ of quiet! As much as he enjoyed staying with the Maxwell's and their three children for Christmas (by the way: ugh!), the ability to hear himself appealed much more.

Rolling his shoulders, Heero hefted his briefcase onto his desk, mentally running over the day's schedule, ignoring the calendar on his desk. He found he could remember much better on his own. Satisfied that he would be swamped with all the work he missed, Heero opened the briefcase and pulled a few papers out, stacking them neatly on his desk.

Subconsciously he wondered why he was in such a rush to find some work to do. Usually he wasn't _this_ desperate, just anxious to get to work, to forget the world around him. But never this desperate.

His eye caught the calendar then and the day that it was today washed over Heero like a tidal wave, pain flaring and constricting his heart. Now he knew the reason why he was so desperate to find work to dive into.

Sitting stiffly in his chair, he reached into his bottom drawer and pulled out an old rusty frame, caressing the person in the picture lightly.

[Five years today] Heero mused, resting a single finger on the cheek of the woman. Her laughing sea blue eyes danced back at him from the frame, her smile sending a shiver of warmth up his spine still, even through a photograph. Next to her stood a younger version of himself, a rare smile on his face, his arm curled possessively around her waist. Behind them snow fell lightly and their breaths steamed from beneath layers of wool hats. They looked happy. And content.

It had been taken only a week before... before... before it happened. And even now, five years later, Heero still cursed himself. He should have been there, if he had been and hadn't rushed away to complete a mission Une had wanted him and Duo to do personally, she would have been fine! And he wouldn't be alone.

A tentative knock sounded on his door, interrupting his train of thought and Heero looked up to see his secretary peeking out, a handful of yellow note pad papers in her hands.

"Sir, shall I give you your messages now or later?"

Shoving the picture back into it's drawer, Heero took a deep breath and tried to calm his painfully beating heart. Shit, it just had to be the day he got back didn't it?

Heero replaced his mask and felt the usual calm it brought seep into him. Satisfied he could control himself he waved her in, grabbing some papers to start looking over. He could think about this tonight, when no one could see him or bother him.

"Start." Heero commanded gruffly, not really paying attention as she began to rattle off all his messages he had missed.

"Commander Une also called this morning to tell you the briefing has been moved up to tomorrow at 11 a.m., as well as Colonel Maxwell and a strange woman."

Heero shrugged. He was used to Une moving up dates so it didn't matter, he was always prepared ahead of time. And he knew what Duo wanted. He would invite him to come out and have a drink with the others tonight as was the tradition for today. Heero would of course decline like he always did, and go home to deal with it alone. He had done it every year and would continue to do so. This was something that was too close, too personal to him, and it made him uncomfortable to have them all hovering over him. He especially had to upgrade his mask and act in front of them, they knew him well enough to see through his normal one. And he did not feel like doing that tonight, especially tonight.

Not even bothering to look up at his now fidgeting secretary, Heero nodded. "Who was the strange woman? Did she leave a name?"

Heero heard Joy, at least that's what he thought her name was, shuffle through the papers she held in her hands till she came to the right one. "Yes she did. Said her name was... ummmm ah here it is. She said her name was Relena Yuy. She also said she would call back for you later." Joy jumped back when Heero let out a roar of outrage and slammed his hands onto the desk.

"Who?!"

"Relena Yuy... sir," Joy stuttered, watching with horrid fascination as her boss's face, for the first time she had known him, drain of all color. His mouth opened and closed for a few minutes and Joy was surprised when Heero whispered instead of barked, yelled, or growled.

"Relena... Yuy...."

Joy nodded, backing up a step. "Yes sir, is that a problem?"

Heero began shaking his head, softly at first but then violently, his nails digging into the tender flesh of his palm and drawing blood, staining the papers he had just been looking over a permanent crimson.

"Sir, are you all right?" Joy asked hesitantly, not sure whether she should try to help him or call Colonel Maxwell in. He seemed to know how to handle his friend, both when he was angry and when he was normal. She wasn't sure though which her boss was at the moment though. If she hadn't known any better it would seem he was, well _sad_ and maybe even _terrified_.

Heero tried to calm himself down, torn between the anger of having someone playing games with him and using her name, and what could only be called extreme pain. The anger was normal, he felt anger all the time and was very adept at smothering it. He could control anger. The pain however, even if he had experienced it for the last five years, still came as quite a shock. He really hadn't meant for her to become so important, for him to become so attached. He had tried everything he knew during the Eve Wars to pull away, even watching her from a distance but not touching, trying to appease the burning yearning growing inside of him. But it all had failed, she had captured his heart totally and when she went away, so did it. That had hurt enough. Now though someone had found it and was twisting it for all it was worth, getting every last drop out of it.

A burning cold anger flooded through his veins and Heero found the strength to stop shaking his head and look at his secretary who was looking extremely nervous. Taking a deep breath, Heero forced himself straighten and crossed his arms over his chest.

[I'm going to kill whoever is toying with me] Heero thought but instead asked, "Did she say anything else?"

Joy obviously didn't want to answer but nodded, clutching the paper tightly between her hands. "Yes, she said to tell you 'I love you'." Taking a shuddering breath, for seeing someone as emotionless as her boss shake like that had unnerved her, but she forced herself to ask a question that she knew she shouldn't. "Someone you know sir? A sister perhaps?"

Heero couldn't help the dry laugh that worked it's way from the pit of his stomach. It obviously scared Joy for she began to shake herself and look towards the door with a terrified, hopeful glance. That only made Heero laugh harder and it took him a minute to calm down enough to force a cold smirk. Inside his heart beat painfully but Heero squashed it.

"My sister? No I don't have any family."

Joy forced a shaky smile. "Then do you know anyone by that name?"

Heero's eyes went frigid but his smirk stayed in place. "Yeah."

"Who... who then, may I ask?" Joy was really scared now, she had never seen a look like that in anyone's eyes before. A look that could belong to a lion about to spring on a defenseless gazelle and tear it to shreds. A look that should never be on a human face she decided.

Heero shrugged but the frigid look never faltered.

"My dead wife."

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End of Chapter One

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Notes: I'm so mean... leaving you all with a cliff hanger like that. ^_^ Tee hee, guess you'll have to review to make me write more huh?? ::sees everyone looking at her weird:: What?! Yes I am in a good mood, but no I am not on anything. Who wouldn't be in a good mood getting away from two little cute but annoying brats?? Anyone?? Didn't think so. I should get the next chapter out soon, the juices are flowin and my fingers are sore but still able to type. So jya!! ^.~

Ps. Hmmmm wonder who that woman leaving the message was.... bwahahahahaha!!! ;P