Act IV: The Chapter They Called Short At the Friar's house Treize: You want me to set up a wedding for Thursday? That's not a lot of notice, but I'll see what I can do. Une: If you know what's good for you, you'd better see to it. If you know what I mean. **does glove thing** Treize: **gulp** Why me? Enter Heero. Heero: Hey Treize, I need your help- Hey, it's that psycho. Une: Is that any way to talk to your fianc�e? Treize: Fianc�e? But didn't I just- Heero: Never mind. Une, get out of here. Go pick some roses or something. Une: Oh, but roses don't suit me at all. Heero: Then go torture someone or something. Just get out of here. Une: As you wish. Lady Une leaves. The sound of singing birds is replaces with screeches and horrible ripping sounds. Heero: �I think she thought I was serious. Treize: Didn't I just marry you to Relena yesterday? Heero: Yeah, but I neglected to tell my dad Zechs and he arranged my marriage to that psycho. Treize: You wouldn't happen to be talking about Zechs Merquise would you? Heero: Yeah, that one. Treize: Why me? Heero: I know that you've been written out of most of your scenes, but I need your help. Treize: You want me to smuggle you out to Relena? Heero: Nah, my father would track me down eventually, and I can't use a Gundam to fight him in this continuity. So, I need you to give me some lethal poison so I can die. Treize: WHAT? Heero: Normally I'd just use my self-detonator, but, like I said, I don't have that in this continuity. Treize: If you are to die our deaths must come at the same instant. Here, take this antique pistol and we'll kill each other. Then the world will truly be at peace! Heero: ... What was that you were saying about smuggling? Treize: I can give you a potion that feigns death, so everyone will think you are dead. Then we can smuggle you out and send you to Relena! Heero: Hmm� Life with young psycho bitch, or melodramatic death that will somehow promote world peace� Ah well, might as well try with Relena. If it becomes too horrible, I can always find some other way to end it. Alright Treize, you're on. Exit Heero. Treize: Well, I guess I should make some sort of attempt to tell Relena that Heero isn't really dead. FedEx? Nah, too expensive. I need a minor character. Hey, Sally! Sally Po: I'm not going to help you commit suicide! Treize: No, I need you to deliver a message. Sally Po: What'll you pay? Treize: I won't excommunicate you for talking in a monotone the whole series. Sally Po: Done. I swear, I shall deliver the message as quickly as possible. Unless I get stopped at customs. Or killed. Or held up by the Maguanak core. Or distracted by something shiny. Treize: Why me? The next morning, in Heero's bedroom. Zechs: **knocks on the door** Oh dear son! Time to get married to this wonderful middle-aged lady! **snicker** Une: Heero, open this door now or we'll both regret it. All: � Une: You leave me no choice. Lady Une kicks down the door. Zechs: You know, it was unlocked. Hey, Heero, wake up! Hey, he's not moving! No pulse! No suicidal dialogue! He's dead! Une: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Zechs: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
