Act III: Nataku vs. Deathscythe vs. Zero Oh yeah, and some other stuff Enter Trowa and Duo (in their Gundams). Duo: Geeze, what's up with that title? I mean, isn't it US who are fighting, not the Gundams? Trowa: Well, yes, but we're fighting IN our Gundams. And besides, no one cares about us, just the awesome firepower we get to throw around. Duo: Yeah, I guess so. Enter Wufei in his Gundam. Wufei: You, weaklings. Where is the coward Relena? Duo: Right behind you. Wufei: Whu-? Hey, no she isn't! How dare you resort to trickery and deceit! You are but worthless cowards who should not be fighting. Duo: Wow, talk about over-reaction. Enter Relena in Zero. Wufei: There you are! I must destroy you! Duo: To hell with that! You're dead meat! Prepare to face the God of Death! Or Great Destroyer, pick one. DIE! Duo and Wufei begin to duel. Relena: Oh goody! People to kill. No, wait, that's the zero system talking. What would Heero want? Hm, how about "Oz must not have my Gundam!" nah, there's no deep water around. Ummm... Oh, I know! Stop this meaningless battle! Relena stops Duo by placing a hand on his Gundam's shoulder. Wufei uses this opportunity to strike home, shoving a beam trident through the cockpit. Relena: � Crap. That didn't work out like I had intended. Duo: I think I am finished. Wufei slashes Deathscythe into quarters, gives him a large dose of his double flame-throwers, and then blasts the wreckage with his tail lasers a couple times. Duo: I fear I am not long for this world. This wound is grievous indeed. Wufei: It should be fatal! Wufei reaches out his flame-throwers, extends his tail lasers, and blasts Deathscythe with everything he has for another minute. Duo: Oh, 'tis not wide as a hangar bay, nor deep as the trench where Wing Gundam is buried, but 'tis enough, 'tis enough. Ask for me tomorrow, and you'll find me a grave angst-ridden teenage warrior. Wufei: WHY WON'T YOU DIE? Damnit, I'm going to have to use my largest weapon! Relena: What, the doujinshi market after the Trowa/Quatre sleepover episode? Wufei: No, but close! It's my own operation meteor! Wufei blasts into space, grabs a couple colonies, throws them on Verona, and re-enters. Duo: I will soon die, I am sure. A plague on both your houses! Ah well, at least I'll be back for Endless Waltz. Duo dies. Relena: WUFEI! YOU WILL DIE! Wufei: Draw your beam sword, cretin, and face my wrath! Relena: Hell no, bitch. Eat beam cannon. Wufei: Hey, no fair! Relena blasts Wufei into the next dimension! Relena: Was that supposed to be a stab at DBZ? Or was it just the author running out of things to say? Trowa: The world may never know. But you'd better get the hell out of here before the prince comes! He'll kill you if he finds you! Right after he goes into a long, unbearable speech about the horror of war and how he's really, really sorry about killing you. Relena: *shudder* You're right. I'd better split. Bye! Relena leaves. Enter Quatre, backed by the Maguanak Core. Trowa: If this was a bad Yaoi fanfic, I could succeed by using my "special" influence over Quatre. However, the author isn't prepared to sink that far into stupidity, so I won't. Quatre: What are you talking about? The only one who could possibly arouse me is my Gundam. Oh Sandrock� Trowa: Well, I just gave you the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to bad voice acting, but whatever way turns your boat I guess. CAN WE GET BACK ON SCRIPT HERE PEOPLE? Duo: See? I told you he couldn't resist putting self-dialogue in this! You owe me fifty bucks,Trowa. DUO, STAY DEAD. GUYS, BACK TO SCRIPT. AND, DUO, WHERE'S MY TWENTY FIVE? Duo: Hey, keep quiet until I get the fifty from Trowa. Uh, oops. Trowa: Ha! I knew you couldn't place a fair bet! Quatre, you owe me seventy! Quatre: Gee, thanks a lot Duo. That's what I get when I place my trust in you. HELLO, PEOPLE? BACK TO THE SCRIPT DAMNIT! Quatre: Alright, alright� **clears his throat** Trowa, what has happened here? Trowa: Well, Wufei killed Duo. Then Relena killed Wufei. Quatre: Well, Relena did avenge my cousin Duo. However, ever since Duo cheated on that bet so I lost seventy bucks I haven't been too fond of him. Duo: Hey! Quatre: So, as a compromise, Relena gets banished to Tokyo 3. Alright people, disperse! Trowa: Gee, that's not very nice. Quatre: Well, maybe you could persuade me differently� Trowa: Erp. I think I'll pass. Bye! All leave except Quatre, who surveys the wreckage after Wufei's execution of the original operation meteor. Quatre: Ok, Italy's gone, Greece is a mess, Spain's char-broiled... Where can we set the play now? Cawdor Castle, Scotland Dorothy: Oh, Mr. Macbeth! I'm for world peace as much as anyone else, but I also see the value of war. And murder. And regicide. Am I the only one who thinks that murdering your lord and master in his bed to gain his position is a beautiful and noble act? Huge crashing sound. The leg of Sandrock busts through the roof. Generic Soldier: Do not be alarmed. The Maguanak core, the House of Oz, and the House of Gundam are taking over this nation-state. As of now, you are all Italian. Scottish Soldier (bad Scottish accent): Och! I mean, uh... (bad Italian accent)gran Dio! Que imbroglio! Later, in Heero's house. Zechs and Lady Une are talking. Zechs: Despite the tragedies that have befallen us recently, I find it unnecessary to postpone these talks. After all, the sooner I get rid of my stupid son the better. Une: Of course. I know just how to treat young boys. **stretches her glove, and then lets it snap back with a loud crack** Zechs: Heehee. Alright, I now officially give you my son's hand in marriage. HEERO! Come down here! Enter Heero. Heero: What is it now, dad? And who's this lady? Zechs: She's your upcoming wife, my son! Heero: Hey, you've got to be kidding me! She's 15 years older than me! At least! That's like twice my age! Une: Perhaps, but I know just how to treat a young boy. **does the glove thing again** Heero: Dad, you can't do this to me! I'll destroy you! I'm a much better pilot than you are! Zechs: Yeah right! The first time we met, I took you down in a Leo! And you were in your Gundam too. Heero: But I had to deal with re-entry too. I would have defeated you in Siberia. Zechs: But we had a continuation of that battle in Antarctica, and I whooped your ass good! Heero: But my arm was hurt, and I wasn't even using my own Gundam. Zechs: Hell, I wasn't even using ANY Gundam. Heero: The Tallgeese is a Gundam. Zechs: No it isn't. It just acts identical to the Gundams in every way for no particular reason. Heero: �Whatever. But I'm not marrying this psycho! Une: That's a rude way to refer to your fiance. I'll just have to straighten you out **does glove thing, but with other hand** Zechs: Besides, our skills are beside the point. In this continuity, you don't even have a mobile suit, let alone a Gundam! Heero: Shit. Later that night, in Heero's room. Heero: Young psycho bitch, old psycho bitch. Young psycho bitch, old psycho bitch. Damnit, which one should I choose? Relena (from outside window): Heero! I'm right here, Heero! Heero: Young psycho bitch it is. At least she'll keep her figure longer. Heero lets Relena into the room. Relena: Some privacy, maybe? I WOULD FEEL NEGLECTFUL OF MY DUTIES IF I DID NOT REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE BOTH MINORS. Relena: Thank you. Now get out of here. FINE, FINE.
