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Relena Peacecraft AS Romeo Heero Yuy AS Juliet Duo Maxwell AS Mercutio Trowa Barton AS Benvolio Quatre Raberba Winner AS The Prince Chang Wufei AS Tybalt Lady Une AS Paris Zechs Merquise AS Juliet's Father Treize Khushrenada AS The Friar Chapter 1: The Meaningless Battle Enter Duo and Trowa, of the house Gundam. Trowa: This first section of the real script was making bad puns about killing and rape. However, since we're both underage, we're just going skip right to the fighting. Duo: Awww, that's no fun� Enter two random soldiers, of the house Oz. Trowa: Look, Oz soldiers! We'll have to destroy them! Duo: Wait, lets get the law on our sides. See, watch this! Duo flips both soldiers off. Soldier 1: Hey, did you just flip us off? Duo: If I say yes, would that be bad? Soldier 2: Uh, I'm not sure. Would it? Soldier 1: I don't know either. Let�s just assume so. Duo: Ok, then I didn't. Soldier 1: Hey! Are you playing games with us? We'll kill you! Activate the Mobile Dolls! Duo: Alright! Let�s kill them! Duo and Trowa get in their Gundams, and begin to destroy the Mobile Dolls. Relena enters in Wing Zero. Duo: Hey, that's Heero's Gundam! How come you get it? Relena: Because, I'm playing the part the guy. Therefore, I get the big gun. Heehee. Die! Relena begins firing off the beam cannon at the dolls, incidentally destroying much of the city. Duo: Wait... I thought you were the pacifist. Shouldn't you be trying to stop this useless battle for the sake of peace or something? Relena (destroying one mobile doll, a cathedral, and an orphanage): These mobile suits are the last thing needed in outer space! That�s why we've got to destroy them all! Duo (to Trowa): I told you a zero system was a bad birthday present. Trowa: She invited Heero again. I couldn't leave her defenseless! Relena draws her beam saber and rushes into a crowd of mobile dolls. Trowa and Duo back off to avoid the shower of robot limbs and bowels that follows. Trowa: How do you even know how to use that thing? Relena: I don't, but I'm pushing a lot of buttons randomly. It always seems to work for you guys. Wufei enters in Shenlong/Nataku/Altron/Whatever-the-hell-it's-called. Wufei: Stop, vile members of the house Gundam. You are but weak cowards. Very weak cowards. You shouldn't be fighting because you're so weak. Trowa: Hey, if we're so weak, how come we're destroying all of your dolls? Wufei: Well, you're not weak. But it's my only line, so live with it. Relena: Hey, aren't you piloting a Gundam too? Wufei: Well, technically, yes. But who cares? Die you weakling! Relena: I'm not weak! Well, I suppose I am, except when my brain is hooked up to a mind altering computer set on "psycho". Heehee. Die! Relena and Wufei duke it out mano a womano, destroying more large sections of city. Meanwhile,Duo and Trowa mop up the last of the dolls. Soldier 2: No! A human can't beat a Mobile Doll! Mobile Dolls are invincible! Soldier 1: Hey, stop aping Tuberoth's lines. Ummm� IT'S A GUNDAM! No wait, that doesn't work� Hey, do random soldiers have any lines that would be suitable for a time like this? Trowa: How about "AHHHHHHHHH!" Soldier 2: But that's only when we're going to die. See, the prince will come and save us. There he is now! Quatre enters in Sandrock, backed by the Maguanak Core. Duo: Shit, it's my cousin. Quatre: Stop this battle! It is all meaningless! Soldier: How come he gets to ape Heero's lines? Quatre: Because I'm a main character. I can get away with things like that. As I was saying, stop this meaningless battle! Trowa: And what if we don't? Quatre: Then we kick your asses and kill you. Duo: We're screwed. Quatre: Just be grateful I'm not making you pay for all the damage you've caused. This is the fifth town this week! (In his cockpit, Quatre calls up a list of Italian renaissance city-states.)Hmm, that about does it for Florence... DBZ reserved the coliseum for the Cell game... Tenchi�s in Taranto... Evangelion's in the Vatican butchering Catholic symbolism... Well, I guess this play'll have to move to Verona. Duo, Trowa, and Relena get out of their Gundams, while everyone else makes their exits. Duo: That was fun. What's the tally up to now, Trowa? Trowa: You got 21 kills, I got 24, and Relena got 13. That makes 58, which, added to our totals, makes 324 this week. Relena: You must wonder where they get them all. Duo: A construction facility on the moon. Relena: Not in this continuity. Duo: Good point. For that matter, where'd we get our Gundams? Trowa: They were built by rebel organizations of the space colonies. All: � All: � All: � Relena: Perhaps it would be better if we didn't think about that. Duo: Yeah, probably. So, what's new? Relena: Oh! Remember Greg, at school? Well, he dumped Jane, who told me ALL about it, and then I told Sarah, who was going out with Greg's older brother Jake, so she dumped him because of what his brother did, but then Jane started going out with Jake, so Sarah got mad at me and convinced Paul, my boyfriend, to go out with her, but I didn't mind cause I was planning to dump him anyway, but I figure I can just act mad for a couple days so Sarah will still be my friend, and anyway I was going to dump Jake because I found this really cool new guy named Amuro, but he won't go out with me! Can you believe it? But I'm sure he really likes me and he's just playing hard to get, so I'm going to keep trying for a while. Duo and Trowa: � Relena: Hey, are you guys listening? Duo: Whu-? Oh, that was quicker than usual. Relena: Ugh, you guys need to take more interest in these things! Anyway, I need you to help me get Amuro to show his interest for me. Trowa: Whoa, wait. You wouldn't be talking about Amuro Ray, would you? Relena: Of course I am! You'd know that if you listened more! Trowa: But Amuro Ray is in the Universal Century continuity! Relena: I know. Trowa: And he's five years older than you! Relena: I know. Trowa: Geez, we gotta change your taste in guys. Duo: Hey, maybe we could take her to the party conveniently scheduled tonight at the House of Oz. Trowa: Uh... Don't we sort of have a mortal feud with the house of Oz? Duo: That's no reason to miss a party. Trowa: It's not? Relena: Of course not. You can't judge someone based on their house. I mean, what if people judged ME because of my- UGH **shudder** Trowa: Oh gee, thanks. Relena: No problem.
