so i had spanish today for the first time in around a year and a half. the teacher came right in and started speaking spanish. my head was spinning. memories of having to stand in front of a group of equally as terrified tenth graders and read off a list of directions to get to the corner store came back to me in a flash. numbers, colors, adjectives, trilles, how to roll my r's - spanish scares me. i will make no bones about it. i feel it is a beautiful language and i wish that english made as much sense as spanish does. however, i couldn't learn it in three years, and i certainly won't learn it in one semester of college.
at least our textbooks are funny. by the end of the class, i'll have to translate the following:
MRS. ORDAZ: I think I have an ulcer, doctor. I have a lot of acidity, and generally when I have an empty stomach, it hurts. I feel better when I eat.
DR. GOMEZ: Have you ever noticed blood in your vomit, or black stool
TECHNICIAN: I need a urine sample. Go to the bathroom and urinate in this little glass (cup).
TECHNICIAN: Lie down on the table. We're going to insert this tube into your rectum.
MR. BARRIOS: Is this going to hurt (me)?
TECHNICIAN: No, it is not going to hurt (you).
MISS RAMOS: I would like to speak with a doctor because I think I have a venereal disease.
MRS. MENDEZ: What are your symptoms? Do you have a sore or lesion?
MISS RAMOS: No, but when I urinate, my vagina burns a lot.
MR. PAZ: Doctor, my wife has gone and had another child. We don't want (any)more kids. She said that maybe she could get her tubes tied, or maybe I could get a vasectomy.
DOCTOR: The decision is yours.
MR. PAZ: If I have a vasectomy, how long will I be in the hospital recovering?
DOCTOR: I can operate on your right here, and you will only miss two days of work. It is not major surgery.
MR. PAZ: Oh, I did not know that getting a vasectomy is such minor surgery. I am going to think about it!
the most disturbing thing, I think, has to be the exclamation point at the end of the last sentence.