so.

gspa is over and done.  it's just so abstract to sit back and think "i'll never act on my high school stage again."  i cried like a small child on sunday after it was all about to begin.  i stood and listened to kathy talk, and i was fine.  then, meredith started the prayer, and i just lost it.  i started crying and honestly didn't stop until sometime around the first act ended.  i was a mess.  walking up the stairs out of 302, having each person stop and give me a hug, it was rough.  i sobbed and sobbed, and lindsay was there to be my shoulder on which to cry, and there's not enough i can say to thank her.

after that was state strike.  i managed to snag one of the "conrad birdie forever" posters out of ursula's room, as well as one of the pillars from the courthouse, which went home with phyliss.  i'll have to talk to michelle about getting that back...

i never wrote about lisa's karoke party.  oh, such fun.  matt and i sang "wanted dead or alive," lou and i sang "i got you babe," michelle and wendi did that one destiny's child song, j and brian did a blink 182 tune, matt and my mom did something from grease, cicero, lou, adam and i did that song from moulin rouge, which i've yet to see.  what else?  somewhere along the way, the girls all sang a bunch of anti-guy songs.

oh, maybe the funniest thing all night was jason locking his keys in his running car, and then blaming it all on brian.  i've got pics of him trying to unlock the car on my digital camera; sometime, i'll get the chance to upload those into a photoessay, along with pics from the entire final month of bye bye birdie.  i pretty much took pictures through the entire process, right up until the stage was stripped bare.  amazingly, as lindsay, ambe, laura and i stood looking at the empty stage, i shed no tears.  i think i was probably all cried out.

yesterday was very much all right.  linds came over after school and we just laid in my bed from 3 until 11:30 or so, sometimes dozing, sometimes just holding each other.  we watched some of fear and loathing in las vegas.  she seemed to enjoy it, which makes her even cooler than i suspected.

today, lindsay and i were lying on the floor in the tv studio over lunch, had been for about fifteen minutes i guess, and then there's a knock at the back door.  i open it up, and abbi's there.  saying, "can i come in?"

saying, "the band room is really cold."

i let her in, and we both sit on the floor, abbi to my left, lindsay to my right.  my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend.  they introduced one another; lindsay knew full well who abbi was, i don't think abbi knows linds and i are together.

it was really awkward.

the last fifteen minutes of lunch seemed to drag forever, but somehow i survived.  linds got out of class at 11, then skipped her internship and got her new glasses.  i, on the other hand, sat in adult and family.  i go to my locker after psych, linds is there.  it makes me so happy just to see her.  it literally brightened my entire afternoon just seeing her that one time before she had to go to work.

now, i'm at home.  i'm supposed to be working on my psych paper, due thursday, and/or my acting presentation, due thursday as well, so that i can have time to go to brian's going-away get together party type thing after school tomorrow.  i need to get started, but i just can't get motivated.

since your father tried to kill you.

read that once you're finished up here.

ps.  i think the greatest feeling in the world is that of a pretty, young girl's eyelashes fluttering on your cheek.

pps.  lindsay just called from work.  lisa's allowed to go to the beach, so that means thursday night, lou, lindsay, lisa and i will be leaving for ocean city over night.  yay.

i'll be the lone t in a group of l's, i guess.