ever feel like you're just dancing around the base of a subject with someone, and you both want to delve in deeper, see what lies inside, but you're both just scared to go there?

that's where i'm at with someone right now, wondering if we're both saying all we mean.

i'm not so sure i am.

things are weird.  i've had, like, six pieces of just utterly surreal information revealed to me over the course of the past four days or so, and i'm just feeling...blah.  i can't put it into words, can't form an opinion on things, really.  all i know is i'm left in the dark about stuff, as per usual, never involved with it.  it seems as if i'm always on the outside looking in, never a part of the action, just the kid who sits back and watches it all play out and then writes about it on the fucking internet.

more on that shortly.

lou visited me at work today, for like an hour all told, and that was nice.  we both agreed on the subject broached above:  stuff never happens to us.

why am i to lead such a boring existence?

so, yeah, lou and i decided we'd run to the middle of the turnpike this weekend, and TOUCH THE MEDIAN once again.  only this time we'll take my digital camera and snap a pic of it, which i will then upload to my site.

fun fun fun.

till her daddy takes her t-bird away.

or something.

on a lighter note, i've fallen so out of touch with my generation i no longer have any concept whatsoever of what is expected of an "average teenager."  hearing stories about my cohorts and classmates...they're nothing like me at all.  i feel no connection at all to anyone around me, save for shane and adam, both just as lost as i am.  we can't help each other - we're all still trying to figure out just who we are.  adam, the only person i can relate to in the slightest, is also a patterned liar, and i never know if the conversations we have are entirely fabricated or if he's actually someone i can connect with.

i can feel myself putting the wall up again, just like ninth grade, tenth grade.  i can see myself, surrounded by books, music, movies, anything but people, characters in novels the only thing i detect understand me.

alienation.  all over again.