yeah, so, tonight was cool.  well, the entire day was cool, really.

started out around 12 pm when lou called and woke me up.  we were gonna hang out, go to the mall or something, so we hooked that up.  he picked me up around 2, and had to get his hair cut, so we went to the barber.  from there, it was to the mall, where i got some chick fil a and he some chinese.  after that, i picked up invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk.  read the first few pages in the car ride home, and it seems cool thus far.

from there, it was home again home again jiggity jig, where lou and i decided we were hungry, so we headed out to get some chips.  this, of course, was an hour and a half after we'd eaten lunch.  what can we say?  we're growing boys.  well, he's a growing boy.  i was just hungry.  at any rate, we went to the amoco, and were gonna get chips, but ended up just buying a bottle of coke, realizing that we could get the chips from work, with a discount.  then, a great idea popped into my head.

"hey lou, let's see how much food you can buy in bowmansville on a saturday afternoon with five dollars!"

to be exact, it was four sixty-five, but who's counting?

anyway, we went up to bob's, and got a small soda, a cup filled with reese's pieces, an order of small boardwalk fries, two chicken sandwiches, a bag of chips, and a can of sour cream and onion dip.  since mickley, sheetz and marius were working, we ended up paying only two dollars for it.  from there, sheetz was like "yo, the gas station beez sellin' sodas with free cizandy bars in it, WORD BOYEE INSANE CLOWN LUV REPREZENT" so we went over and bought a bottle of pepsi and got a free snicker's from the hermaphrodite working at the gas station on the turn pike.

lou finally saw clerks and part of jasbsb.  he borrowed the dvd, because we didn't get time to watch it all, since it was time for the dead 50's show.

i figured i'd roll in there around 8, which i did, and get there just in time to see them.  however, i learned that windfall hadn't even played yet, so that was cool.  i'm glad i showed up in time for them, because their chick lead singer is friggin' hot.  i wanna introduce myself, talk to her, take her to prom, and then put babies into her and marry her.

after that, the 50's came on.  i had never seen them play, i always had to leave shows before they went on, but i'm glad i got to finally.  they were really good, and lived up to all the hype built up by abbi and michelle and zach and klumpp and matt good and jason and anyone else who'd ever seen them.  speaking of her, i saw abbi at the show.  talked to her for a little while.  things have gotten less weird betwixt the two of us, which i guess is a good thing.

anyway, after the show, liz was all like "i was talking to the chick from windfall.  she liked my hat.  i'll introduce you!  you can take her to prom" and i was all shy and stuff, like "no no no, i could never do that, never!  teehee."  i'm such a pussy.

from there, i got my first taste of jenny's diner, where michelle, hannah, billy, jon gilbert, ashley fink, liz and i all went.  i had a big-ass pancake from there, and a couple glasses of coke.  it was just a good time.  billy and i talked about gym class last year.  if there's a person i wish i could've gotten to know better before he graduated, it'd have to be him.  he did this friggin' velociraptor impersonation that literally had my almost in tears.

"what does a gay horse say?  *gay liz voice* heeeeeeyyyyy!"

"i was gonna get dressed anyway!"

good times, mang.  good times.

for a little while, i forgot everything that seems wrong right now.  it was a lot of fun, and i wish i'd hung out with them all more the past couple years.

i've just begun to realize just how much i used to alienate myself on the weekends.  i think i kinda regret it, but not really.  i've learned a lot about myself those friday and saturday nights sitting around on my own.  i have a high level of self-awareness, an area that most people my age don't reach, i think.  i know my own strengths and weaknesses, have known them for years.

in other news, i've come to grips with the fact that She's above me.  i can never hold Her, i can never be held by Her, i can never be Hers, i can never walk with Her hand in hand, i can never find Her sad and lonely one night somewhere and do my best to cheer Her up, i can never be Her conquering hero, i can never be Her cowboy, the guy who rescues her in every adolescant macho fantasy i've had since i was twelve.

to quote nine inch nails, "i just want something i can never have."

and it sucks.