i'm completely and utterly lost in calc, journalism, and maybe psychology.  in the case of the last one, it's not so much a matter of the material being challenging (it's anything but), it's more a matter of not being there for two days.  you miss a class, and since there's homework every night, you're two days behind.

bah.

study hall was cool, as usual.  it's the only period i actually look forward to the double for, since i get to goof around with steph.  it's the highlight of my morning, though i doubt she really cares for it.

i drank four cans of mountain dew today.  i'm not going to be able to get to sleep.

i mentioned to amber that i thought i might be suffering from insomnia anymore.  the weekends, i can sleep, but during the weeks, i don't drop off till around 1.  now, five hours sleep a night is enough for me, but it didn't used to be, i guess that's what worries me.  maybe it'll get worse.

maybe it'll get better.

but, tonight, with four cans of mountain dew in me, i doubt it.

it appears adam and allison didn't like ghost world.  hrm.  go watch save the last dance or something.

so.  it seems as if everyone has guessed who the mystery girl is.  except for steph, but, come on, did any of you actually expect her to pick up on the subtext.  joking, of course.  the following will seem repetitive to amber, but it's the cost of her figuring it out.

i don't think it's even the someone so much as it is the someone else.  i mean, if i had to pick someone to be with, i'd pick her.  she's interesting, she can talk about movies and books and stuff i know about and really get involved, and it's just nice.  we think a like politically and she's actually into artier movies that tell a story, and well...a lot like me, i guess.

but, over all, i'm just in love with the idea of being in love, i suppose.  a hopelessly romantic, cynically pessimistic idealist am i.  i'm sick of being alone, i know that much, and what's most bothersome is that i know i'm not alone - i've got plenty of friends, i've got my family, they're all there.

but...well, i guess it isn't the same.

and, the thing is, i don't even feel like going through another relationship, if you want to know the truth.

i don't think i want to, anyway.

uhm.

whatever.  i give up.  again.

jay and silent bob strike back.  tomorrow.  haven't been this excited to pick up a movie in a long while.  wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

i got porno e-mail.  i wish they'd leave me alone.  please?

i come to find out my brother saw a clockwork orange.  i was hoping he'd stay away from that for a couple years.  i wish he would've talked to me about it.  if he wanted to experience an anti-social piece of pop culture, i could've loaned him the book.  anyway, he seemed sorta freaked out by it, so it's nice to know he hasn't reached the level of desentization that his older brother has.  he's only 15, but the other day, when i came to a stop sign, this popped into my head:  "a year from now, he's on the road."  he turned 15 in july, so six months later...he'll have his license.  if he gets a parking spot from an early graduation senior, he'll be driving to school next year.  yeah, well, time flies...

it certainly does.  i'm tired, but won't be able to sleep.  so, do i roll around in bed, or sit here, typing, listening to blood on the tracks?

oh man...

mistertravis: you dont miss a beat
BassC440: that's why i'm a drum major
BassC440: hahaha
mistertravis: OH HO HO

that's seriously the worst thing anyone has said all night.

uhm.  hrm.  what to say?  i'm not tired, so i might as well just type in here.

i'm seriously in the middle of a good talk with michelle, the first real one i've had with her in quite some time.  she misses too much school for her own good - and mine.  i need to see her from time to time.

ok, i'm done.  i've gotta try and sleep, i guess.

alone in a big world,
i remain,
-t (bold t)