yeah, so here i am, saturday night, sitting around watching movies alone.  ah well.  could be worse.  i'm tired, slept 11 hours last night, didn't feel like doing anything.  i should be working on my english project, but you should know me well enough to realize i'll put that off till tomorrow.

so, instead, i'll sit here watching the big lebowski.

"i am the walrus."

i love that part.

anyway, past couple days have gone well.  more and more, this looks like a day to day report on how my days went.  oh well.

i sit at the comp, check lisa's away message:  "doing nothing on a saturday night."  i know what you mean, lisa.

your boyfriend and i went to the mall today, i had to get a posterboard for my project.  was ok.  we ran into alan hennsler at auntie anne's preztels, and he needed his car jumped.  said he had cables, had just gotten off work, and needed some help.  we went to help, but by the time we got the car around, his mom had showed up.

so, we went home.

i bought a couple weezer discs, and i KNOW for certain that i used to own the self-titled blue cd.  i also found pinkerton at fye, both of them were 12 bucks.  so i jumped on them.

in psych, i stole a dream that michelle had and made it my own, albeit with spiced up colors and imagery and weirder dialog.  mr. martin seemed to like it and presented it to the class.  although lisa's was better.

i recall a talk i had over the summer with a kid from work.  he was a marajuana legalization advocate, and wondered why i'd never tried pot.  i said i just had no desire to.  he couldn't fathom it, and i couldn't really explain why i didn't smoke it.

i think i've figured it out.  i've cut myself down to stuff that's essential to my survival.  i need movies.  i need books.  i need writing.  i need the internet.  i need music.  i need friends.  i need food.  so, those are the things i spend my time and money on and with.  i need entertainment to keep me sane, to provide a place for me to escape the world.  i need friends and the like to provide a place to vent.  same with writing.

i don't need drugs, i don't need alcohol.  so, i stay away from them.

i've met people who need drugs.  i know of people who crave that lifestlye, or at least the escape valve it provides.  they're sick of this world, sick of their lives, sick of living.  whatever.  they need them, and that's that.  i don't think of them any lower.  they just are, and that's that.

take out the weezer.  pop in the strokes.  saturday night winding down, it'll be sunday in an hour.  i've been writing in this thing for too long tonight, but i've got nothing else, everyone's got away messages up, i can't call anyone, i'm home alone bored out of my mind.  i should've called lindsay, since we've been meaning to hang out, but i really did want to work on this english board.

i should have, and now it's too late.  oh well.  i work better under pressure anyway.

christ, i just found a livejournal for some conservative, gun-loving anime geek.  i doubt there's any combination more deadly than a guy who loves guns, bush and watches japanese animation.  it's a serial killer waiting to happen.

i think i'll jack a survey from someone's livejournal.

Name: travis martin
Nicknames: rump, stumpy, your father
Height: 5'3"
Weight: haven't check in quite some time
Age: 18
Birthday: 9.24.02
Siblings: tyler
Pets: mugsy the boston terrier

Have you ever?/ Who? 
Been in love: yup
Loved someone: yeah
Been infatuated: i think so
Hated someone: no, i doubt it
Had sex: nope
Given oral sex: no
Been drunk: no
Been high: no...this is sounding redundant
Been fat: quite often, actually
Traveled out of the US: can't say that i have
Intentionally said things to hurt someone: actually, yes
Made someone cry: i made fallon cry once.  i felt horrible afterwards
Been in love with more than one person at once: constantly
Inflicted pain upon yourself(Why): not really.  i never even played quarters or anything like that
Went to a school dance: sadly, yes.
Wet your bed: just last night!

When was the last time... ?
You cried: hmm...couple months
You screamed: sometime yesterday
You said something hurtful: i called vicki the cook a bitch last night to marius
You had sex: ...18 years.
You laughed: before i turned off my movie
You smiled: couple minutes
You ate: my parents brought me a bbq chicken sandwich from kfc.  it's not really even classified as chicken and i'm not being a vegatarian, but i was hungry and it tasted good 
You went out with friends: lou and i went to the mall today
You failed something: probably last quarter, in terms of schoolwork
you talked on the phone: i talked with my mom earlier, before she got home
You thought about dying: sometime today

What are/do you....?
Smell: like a bbq chicken sandwich
Hear: weezer's "undone"
Thinking: not a whole lot
Wearing: a pair of shorts, an orange t-shirt, a pair of glasses
Plan for today: fall asleep a little later on

Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Crush
Do you have one? kinda sorta.  working through it as we speak
Do you love them? i doubt i love them in terms of "let's get married and have kids"
What do you like about them? different girls, different names.  above all, they're kind, intelligent, divergent in thinking, good talkers 
Do you think it will last a long time? who knows?  one of them is eternal, i think
What is your favorite physical thing about them? the final product, the whole of it
Are you in love? possibly.  i dont know

Favorite
Color: black, sometimes green or red
Item: right now, this weezer cd
Person: eh, lots of them - michelle, lou, amber, jen, rachel, linds
Online Person: i talk to lou the most, i guess
Livejournal: myke or dan's
Song: all time:  "stairway to heaven".  right now:  "el scorcho" by weezer
Band: ledzep, reel big fish, the clash, pink floyd, radiohead, weezer, the suicide machines, etc.
Location: bowmansville, pa
Sex Position: one that doesn't involve me bending over
Friend: i've got too many

What/Who makes you...
Angry: middle schoolers in the musical
Sad: sitting around on a saturday night, knowing that as a teenager i'm expected to do something but just simply not feeling up to it
Happy: friends, sprite, movies, music, good conversation, books
Laugh: justin daly, the coen's writing, everything
Cry: seeing the anger and hatred that the human race is capable of
Tense: upcoming english papers
Stressed: see above

Random
Abortion? most of this stuff, i take a "wait and see" stance - until i'm in the situation, i don't take a stand on it, and don't tell anyone else what to think.  how can you know what you think if you've never gone through with it yourself?
Drugs? not for me, hombre
Sex? i think i'm waiting till i'm married
Rock and Roll? oh so good
College? looking forward to it, i think
Public Displays of Affection? it's better than fighting with the person, i think
This survey? not bad

so, how are things?

(things are good)

how am i feeling?

(i'm ok.  little lonely.  can't be helped, i suppose)

i need to do something to break up all this numbness.

tired of the strokes.  i wish i had the ramones' self-titled around here somewhere, but i can't find it right now.  dizamn.  i wanna hear "judy is a punk."

pop out the strokes.  in goes give 'em the boot I.  this opening song, rancid, it's great.

somewhere, there's gotta be someone thinking the exact same thing i am right now.  the odds are in my favor.  somewhere, there's gotta be a girl all alone on her saturday night listening to rancid and thinking about putting the big lebowski back into her vcr.  the trick is for me to find her, seduce her, and then live happily ever after.

i talked with michelle for a long time last night on the net.  it was the longest we'd spoken in quite some time.  we mostly found out we were both in love with one another all through elementary school.  it's odd, because we were together constantly.  i miss the friday afternoons spent playing super nintendo with her.  if we could go back to any point in time, it might be then so i could re-live that stage of innocence.

but i can't.

i know!  i'll listen to the dropkick murphys song on this disc, then get back to that mix-tape i started weeks ago.  score.

let's start off with weezer, since i'm addicted to them again.  i swear, i owned the blue album in sixth grade.  wonder whatever happened to it.

ok, yeah, "el scorcho" is going on first.  god, i love this song.

right.  so, mix tape it is then.  let's "MIX" is up!  AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHH!!!  AHAHAh..ha...hahah..ha...ha...ha...h...a...ugh.

"yesterday" - the beatles
"blink" - love seed mama jump
"heartbreaker" - dread zeppelin
"perfect day" - lou reed

that's a start.  i'm gonna end this and work on the tape more.  evening.