ok.

this has been on my mind since a conversation last night.

what i loathe, more than anything else in the world, is when a girl who's dating someone else says "you're the perfect guy."  then, to make matters worse, the girl next to her says, "yeah, like the anti-guy."

all right.

i'd almost buy it, but then i wonder about something - why is it i'm so lonely if i'm perfect?

i get to thinking, like usual, and i came to a conclusion - as much as everyone would probably like to deny it, nice guys do finish last, at least when it comes to the game of love.

how cliched did that sound?  oh well, it's early, and i have to get this done before school.

back to the subject.

for all my sensitivity, my philosophies, my emotions, what have i got to show for it?  i talk to countless people about their problems, i'm the "safe friend."  you know, the guy you feel safe bitching/singing the praises about/of every other guy in the world to, but you'd never date.  "i don't think about you like that."  "we're like brother and sister."  (coolest line from a movie EVER:  "i love you like a brother."  "wanna take a bath together?" - the ice storm)

i'm not angry about it.  about being a safe friend, that is.  it's a fact of life i've gotten used to.

one time, over the summer down at the beach, i sent an e-mail to the girl i was desperately in love with.  was i in love with her really?  i don't know, but i sure missed her and wanted to see her.  anyway.  she responded with a letter saying she missed me, and then proceeded to launch into a speech about a boy she had a crush on.

i wonder if she remembers doing that.  i know i do.

at any rate, i was hurt, and went and wrote a story about it and decided i was through with girls and would never get hung up about one ever again.

well, i got over that fast.  now, there's the whole problem of finding someone again.

so, what do i have to do?  since most of the people who read this are girls anyway, tell me - what do i have to do?  should i constantly complain about girls to my friends, like most guys who are dating right now?  should i treat them badly, like most guys who are dating right now?  should i blow out of proportion their slightest faults to them, making them feel bad about themselves and thus grow reliant on me and then dump them and move on?

because the guys that do that seem to be the only ones who aren't lonely anymore.  i found one person who actually took a liking to me, and that ended now, and i'm as alone as i was before.

argh.  i don't know.  i hate sitting and thinking about stuff like this.  it just gets me thinking about the future and how i figure i'll just live alone for the rest of my life.

how big of a bitch do i sound on here?  i can't help it.  i created this place to bitch, so there.

here's to another day by myself.

-t