frigging girls.

i swear, people, i can't figure it out.  i can't figure them out, is what i suppose i mean.  why do you hold this power over boys?  why is it possible for me to fall in love with three (count 'em, three) girls over the course of five days?

why?

it's not fair.  it's not fair at all.

but, it happened.

one on saturday, one on monday, and one thursday.

why?

i don't know.  i wish i did, though, or at least that someone would tell me.

you don't understand it, ladies, but it's there.  i'm sure you don't even try it.  but, it works nonetheless.

i guess i'm just emo, or something.

ok.  enough whining.

"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist."
--the usual suspects

what a movie.  watching it for the third time, this time on dvd, with bryan singer commentary (!).  if you've never seen it, i won't spoil the plot for you, but, trust me when i say, it's probably among the best scripts in the past ten years, along with memento and pulp fiction.  truly great storytelling.

hollywood was all out of copies of ghost world.  if i didn't hate blockbuster, i might go there.

but i do.

so i won't.

you can tell i don't have a girlfriend.  i'm spending all my money on renting movies again.  oh well.  could be worse.

i guess.

i had a "moment of clarity" today in acting, when we played this game where you sat in the middle of a circle and everyone passed an eraser around the circle.  you sat with your eyes closed, and after a while, you'd yell "stop."  whoever was holding the eraser would then have to rattle off a list of five items, chosen by the person in the middle.  i landed on larry korch.  "okay, larry," i says, "name five robert de niro movies."

"challenge," he says, which means the person in the middle has to answer their own category.
without even thinking:  "cape fear, taxi driver, raging bull, heat, and jackie brown."

i've always known i spend too much time watching movies.

but this just proves it.

anyway.

lyrics been flowing through my head all day.  here they are:

"all we want is a headrush
all we want is to get out of our skin for a while
we have nothing to lose because we don't have anything
anything we want anyway...
we used to hate people
now we just make fun of them
it's more effective that way
we don't live
we just scratch on day to day
with nothing but matchbooks and
sarcasm in our pockets
and all we are waiting for
is for something worth waiting for
let's admit america gets the celebrities we deserve
let's stop saying "don't quote me"
because if no one quotes you
you probably haven't said a thing worth saying.

sex, drugs, god, cash, america.

we need something to kill the pain
of all that nothing inside
we all just want to die a little bit
we fear that pop-culture
is the only culture we're ever going to have
we want to stop reading magazines
stop watching TV
stop caring about hollywood
but we're addicted to the things we hate
we don't run washington and no one really does
ask not what you can do for your country
ask what your country did to you.

sex, drugs, god, cash, america.

the only reason you're still alive is because someone
has decided to let you live
we owe so much money we're not broke we're broken
we're so poor we can't even pay attention
so what do you want
you want to be famous and rich and happy
but you're terrified you have nothing to offer this world
nothing to say and no way to say it
but you can say it in three languages
you are more than the sum of what you consume
desire is not an occupation
you are alternately thrilled and desperate
skyhigh and fucked
let's stop praying for someone
to save us and start saving ourselves
let's stop this and start over
let's go out - Let's keep going.

sex, drugs, god, cash, america.

this is your life
we need something to kill
the pain of all that nothing inside
quit whining 
you haven't done anything wrong 
because frankly
you haven't done much of anything
someone's writing down your mistakes
someone's documenting your downfall."
--kmfdm; "dogma"; xtort

don't know how much of that i believe, but it sort of makes you think.

"we fear that pop-culture
is the only culture we're ever going to have."

that's amazing.

well.  all right then.  i think i'll be going to bed.  no one's on except steph, so...

hey, wait.  speaking of which...

sgoody05:    spherelike tendencies.

oh man.  that was rich.  i'm sure only two of us will get that, but i find it funny, and steph will just think it's stupid, so it'll work out.

there seems to be a fire going on behind her house.  i hope no one's hurt.  i don't think i could deal with anymore pain right now.

but i'm learning to smile again, i think.  it took some time, but i'm feeling better about...well, about stuff.

who cares if i did bad at practice tonight?  who cares if i got a bad report card or a speeding ticket or my girlfriend broke up with me or i don't feel like talking to anyone anymore or i've gotta bunk on the senior trip with brandon smith because i missed the meeting or i just feel bad or i've gotta wear a dress in the play?  in the long run of things, it's small compared to what the hell other people are going through, so why am i complaining?

argh.

hey.  it's time for a new addition to the entry!  nightly survey time!!!

amber says:

mistertravis: if you could have one word stricken from the english, what would it be and why?
dunksmiles: one word.. hm...
dunksmiles: philosophically or not?
mistertravis: you're overanalyzing this, i think
dunksmiles: lol, probably, i was going to say "goodbye" b/c then ppl wouldn't leave or sometihng
mistertravis: THATS RETARDED!!!!!!!
dunksmiles : thanks trav
dunksmiles: that's the romantic perfect world part of me

mindy says:

mistertravis: if you could have one word stricken from the english language, what would it be and why?
aeromoose38: lol can it be dirty?
mistertravis: what do you think?
aeromoose38: i would say herpes...lol...i have no clue
mistertravis: you don't?
mistertravis: you mean, theres no one word that just makes you really angry?
aeromoose38: yea but my mind is blank cuz i was just having this conversation with someone
mistertravis: got you all hot, eh?
aeromoose38: haha depends on your definition of hot..lol
mistertravis: theres more than one?
aeromoose38: lol you dirty little boy!

jeff says:

mistertravis: if you could have one word stricken from the english language, what would it be and why?
BlakoutSun: i have no clue
BlakoutSun: wait
BlakoutSun: thug
mistertravis: ok, why?
BlakoutSun: cuz it's a crummy word, it represents something i don't like, and it's just down right yucky
BlakoutSun: what about you?
mistertravis: stitzer

steph says:

mistertravis: if you could have one word stricken from the english, what would it be and why?
sgoody05: travis, that way i would never have to utter your name again

=(

ok then.  it's time for bed.  you yaks have been keeping me up too late so as it is.

bye bye.

-t

(ps.  actually, one more musical quote for the night

"feel like falling in love with the first woman that i meet."
--dylan, bob

amen, bob.  amen.)