yo.

first off, it's christmas, and i'm in a good mood for a change.

the afore-mentioned racist grandmother was cool for the couple days she was here, and i actually find myself missing here, as opposed to thanksgiving, whem i just felt like punching her.

i would've done it, too.

uh-huh.

ok.

so i wouldn't have.

but i could've, and that's what you need to concentrate on.

other than that, the gifts were cool.  picked up the second season of the sopranos on dvd (now if only the player in my room would work.  argh), the last dylan album i really need to own to say i have all his good material (blood on the tracks, man), the new pink floyd disc "echoes," a new cd player/"blinging system" for the olds, a copy of the mexican on dvd, a load of cash, some gift certificates for various establishments, and some other stuff.

i love my family a lot, but somehow, always find myself hurting them.

the morning saw my father pick up gifts and try to hand them out, and i said something to the effect of "aren't we old enough to get our own gifts, dad?"

he gets pissed off, grumbles, i think i ruined christmas or something.

stuff like this happens constantly.  i've become so sarcastic in everyday speech that i say bitter things to my family, and don't even think about whether or not it'll hurt them.

that's why i need abbi.  as i said a couple days before, she makes me want to be a better person.  she makes me want to try to be nicer to people, to expand my conversational skills so i don't constantly feel the need to talk down to them.

i guess i'll end up a better person for it.

lord knows i'll try.

anyway, enough lamenting.  the real purpose of this writing is to try to convey some sort of emotion for those unfortunate few who consider me a friend.

it's not easy to put a feeling you have like "love" into words, but here goes nothing...

abbi - first and foremost.  maybe i should hold off, since she doesn't even have a net connection anymore, but who cares?  she's the only one among you who has the courage to kiss me, so she goes first.

what can i say?  the past month or so, since we've begun spending time together, has been wonderful.  i find myself going back to our nightly conversations, revisting them, wishing i'd said things and wishing i'd ommited stuff.

i revise what i say to you after i've said it.

i don't do that with too many people.

you mean more to me than i can possibly hope to somehow force my brain to tell my fingers to type.

you're good to me.

you're good for me.

you don't make me uncomfortable, as love historically has done for me.  you don't make a show of yourself when you're around me, or try to make me jealous, or any of the other things, real or imagined, i've put up with from girls.

you're the best.  i love you, and wish you a truly merry christmas.

ok, if you lasted that, we'll move on...

to michelle - i'll do you next, since you seem to think i don't consider you a true friend.

honestly, nothing could be farther (further?) from the truth.

in the 11-12 years i've known you, i've never once thought a bad thought about you.  you're one of the kindest people i've ever come in contact with, and that's saying a lot.

or maybe it isn't.

probably it is.

anyway, i wish you the happiest life possible in the future, which i'm certain you'll have.  because you deserve it.

next...

lou - ok.  here's the big one.

lou, you're the closest guy friend i've got.  there's very few males in the world i actually feel like opening up to.

you're one of the three or so that exist.

i never feel the need to flaunt machisimo or anything around you.  i can speak perfectly honestly to you in a way that most guys would just scoff at.

for that, i thank you.  you keep my sane by just listening to me, making me believe that there are actually nice guys out there (besides me.  heheh).  i wish you and lisa continued happiness.

jason - better knock out the other male while i'm at it.

j, we haven't really talked in a long time, i know, but i really enjoyed chilling with you on saturday night.  may the chameleon burn.  hopefully, since we're in the same scene for the show we'll get some chinese soon enough.  i miss our late talks whilst the chinese guys babble behind the counter.

take care.  i'm sure i'll talk to you sometime soon.

jen - what can i say?  you're actually number two on a top five list i made up, entitled "top 5 coolest chicks i know."

for a while, you held the top spot, but someone else took you place.  i'm sorry.

anyway, that said, you're still the second coolest girl i've ever known, and that covers a lot of ground.  i miss you since you've decided to never come to school again, i truly do.

oh well.  i look forward to playing your husband with baited (bated?) breath.  the script is hilarious, and i'm sure we'll make the most of it.

have fun with your "best friend who likes to kiss."  i wish you the best christmas imaginable.

amber - i wish we had more classes together again this year.  you kept me sane in english last year.  history, you were too busy getting hit on by paul to talk to me, but knowing you were there helped.

over the summer, i did indeed miss our im chats, as i told you by way of e-mail, and i'm glad to have them back.  it's nice to know that there's always someone there who will listen to my problems, and who i can count on to bring me theirs in return.

you're one of the awesomest girls i know, and i hope you have a great life in whatever you do.  hopefully, you'll go to be the CEO of a huge company and make lots of money.

from a near-socialist, that's high praise indeed.

lol

=)

teehee.

ok.  "tangled up in blue" has given way to six other tracks, and i've spent forty minutes writing this up.  it's not even really christmas anymore.

i'm done.

i only sent out holiday greetings to those of you who signed my guestbook, since the rest of you are not even truly my friends.

kidding.

merry christmas, once again.

i love you all.

see you around.

-t