How To Create Your Own...
OPERATING MANUAL FOR LIFE
by Rel Davis
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BOOK TWO
LIFE AND HAPPINESS
Happiness eludes most people because they don't know what to look for.
Happiness is not constant ecstasy.
Ecstasy gets boring after awhile.
Happiness is being comfortable with who you are.
A happy person is content with their life.
It's as simple as that.
14.
Things always work out for the best...
Whether we want them to or not!
There was an interesting study, some years ago, of people facing depression.
Of those who went to a therapist for treatment,
25% were better in six months.
Of those who didn't see anyone at all,
50% were better in six months.
It's true!
About half the people experiencing a problem today...
Will be feeling quite well, thank you, before half a year is out.
(Of course, to be fair to therapists, probably the most depressed people in that study went to
therapists, needed the treatment the most, and were the least likely to feel better.)
But the old expression, Time heals all wounds, is remarkably valid.
Just wait, and things tend to work out for the best.
Whether we want them to or not.
(I also believe in the corollary proposition:
Time wounds all heals!)
15.
Happiness is a process of mind over matter:
If you don't mind...
It doesn't matter.
Abraham Lincoln once wrote that most people tend to be just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Most causes of unhappiness are the result of our wanting things to be different:
We want all the wealth we see on television.
We want other people to love us.
We want things always to go our way.
Siddhartha Gautama said it a long time ago:
If you want to be happy, stop wanting things.
If you care about what other people say about you...
You have given them a great deal of power over you.
If you have to have some one person love you...
You have given that person a lot of power over you.
If your job is necessary in order to buy all the wonderful toys you think you need...
You have given your boss a lot of power over you.
Stop minding if other people don't like you, or someone else doesn't love you, or if you don't have everything the Joneses have...
And you can be happy.
It's as simple as that.
16.
The only person who knows what's right for you...
Is you.
Nobody else can get inside your head.
Nobody else knows how you feel.
Nobody else has had the same experiences you have had.
Of all the people in this world, you are the only one in your mind.
You are the only person who really knows who you are.
A lot of people think they know what's best for you.
Don't listen to them!
They are responsible for themselves.
Just as you are responsible for yourself.
You -- and only you -- know what you really want.
17.
You are the only one who has the right to judge you.
No one else has the right to tell you...
...How to feel.
...What to wear.
...What to believe.
...How to think.
...Who your friends should be.
Even me!
(Especially me!)
When another person judges someone else...
They are playing god.
And no one has the right to play god to someone else.
A happy human being is someone...
Who won't let anyone else judge them...
And won't judge anyone else.
18.
Since no one has the right to make decisions for you...
You are totally responsible for making all your own decisions yourself.
Two thousand years ago, a famous rabbi named Hillel made the following statement:
If I am not for myself,
Who will be?
(No one.)
If I am only for myself,
What am I?
(Nothing.)
And if not now,
When?
(Never.)
You have no choice but to become your own best friend.
No one else can be, or wants to be.
It would be so much easier if we could just turn our lives over to some super-being and let them make all our decisions for us.
But we can't.
We are doomed to act like grown-ups, whether we want to or not.
19.
The past and future don't exist.
They are merely fantasies.
What is a fantasy?
It's something that exists only in your head...
And not out there in the real world.
That's why both the past and future are fantasies.
They only exist in our minds.
There is no "out there" for either.
The past is gone. It no longer exists.
The future hasn't arrived yet.
Right now, it doesn't exist.
There is nothing you can do to change the past.
It's gone, and it will never come again.
And the future will come with or without our help.
It doesn't pay to live in fantasy.
Stop living in the past.
Stop dwelling on the future.
20.
Only the present is real. The only thing real...
The only thing really out there...
Is the now.
The only timeframe that is real and that you can do anything about...
Is the present.
All actions take place in the present.
Remember, only action is real.
Intentions take place in the future.
That's why they are fantasies.
Regrets take place in the past.
That's why they are fantasies.
Life's gift to each of us is the eternal present.
The perpetual now.
To live life to the fullest...
We must live always in the now.
21.
Planning for the future is a present activity.
Yet it is possible to plan for the future.
Because planning for the future takes place now.
Never forget, however, that the future is fantasy.
A rich man was accosted by a highwayman.
"Your money or your life," the bandit said.
"Take my life," the rich man answered.
"I'm saving my money for my old age."
When the future becomes more real than the present...
We've lost touch with reality.
22.
We are all time travelers.
But to ignore the future...
To refuse to put aside something for tomorrow,
Or for all our many tomorrows,
Is to lose touch with our reality as travelers in time.
We move from the past through the eternal present...
Into the future.
I need to be aware that who I will be tomorrow depends on who I am today.
If I spend everything I earn...
Take poor care of my body...
Fail to surround myself with loving friends...
I am cheating my future self of life.
23.
The past is always open to revision.
We tend to think of the past as unchangeable.
It happened, didn't it?
There's nothing we can do about it now.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
A Japanese film many years ago explored a crime from the viewpoint of everyone involved.
Each person remembered the crime differently.
Each person's version of the event was like an entirely different story.
But they all described the same reality.
Our memories of the past are colored by our emotions...
And by the words and emotions of other people.
Our parents often tell us how to remember our past.
They do this in person...
And they do it inside our heads.
"You were always a clumsy (or bad, or sickly, or rebellious) kid!"
Is a parental voice many of us carry throughout our lives.
24.
The father and mother inside your mind...
Are both really you in disguise.
We hear their voices in our minds...
And we think they themselves are in there somewhere.
They aren't.
The voices of our parents are only our memories of their voices long ago.
And sometimes our memories of what they said
Aren't really what they said at all.
We remember what we thought they said.
You are free to make the parents in your head become anyone you want them to be.
You can decide what kind of parents you want in your head.
And change them to fit your needs.
You can alter the memories to suit yourself.
You control your own thoughts.
So why insist on remembering only the negative things?
As someone said:
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
25.
Since you can control your own thoughts...
You can also alter your memories.
I once could only remember the pain from my childhood.
The terrible pain my mother felt...
The pain she unknowingly inflicted on me.
And I was angry with her.
I even thought I hated her.
Now I choose to remember only the good things about my mother.
Yeast bread baking in the oven.
Delightfully funny stories around the dinner table.
A thirst for knowledge and understanding.
Long after my mother was dead...
I finally learned to love her.
I hope you can change your memories now.
Before it's too late for someone you love.
26.
You can't change what happened to you in the past.
Only the way you choose to think about it.
No, you can't change what happened.
You can't turn back the hands of time and make things different.
But you can change how the events of the past impact on you.
You can choose to think of the past any way you wish.
You say someone slighted you yesterday?
Now you feel hurt and angry.
Why let what that person did in the past
Control how you feel in the present?
Remember...
Happiness is a question of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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