Hoow Braga Stole JC

PG-13

Disclaimer: Once again I am not implying Braga is an evil soulless creation of Satan- honest

Notes: Yes I’m crazy

 

 

How Braga stole JC

Every J/Cer

On-line in chat

Like JC a lot...

 

 

But Braga,

Who worked for evil Paramount

Did NOT!

 

 

How Braga hated J/C! And the second and third seasons

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reasons.

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his trousers were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

 

But,

Whatever the reason,

His trousers or brain

He hated JC with a passion he could not contain

And even more than he hated JC, he hated JC fans

The ones who wrote fanfic and Braga-death plans

For he knew every J/Cer on-line in chat

Was busy now declaring he was a twat

 

"And they're writing their fics!" he snarled with a sneer

"Beleieving some day that JC will be here!"

Then he growled, with all this stupid romance he wasn't used to coping

"I MUST find a way to stop JCers from hoping!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...

 

 

...All the JC fans, the young and old

Would wake up, still stubbornly ignoring what they'd been told

That there was no JC! There was none! None! None! None!

He kept trying to tell them! There was NONE! NONE! NONE! NONE!

 

 

Then the JCers, who were insane, would go to their comps

And they'd chat! And they'd chat!

And they'd CHAT! CHAT! CHAT! CHAT!

They would talk about romance, and the angry warrior speech

They'd recruit new members and insanity to them they would teach

 

And THEN

They'd do something he liked least of all!

Every JCer on-line, the tall and the small,

Would open their word documents, start to type quick

They'd sit there and write their stupid meaningless fic!

 

They'd write! And they'd write!

AND they'd WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!

And the more Braga thought of that ill-concieved fic

The more Braga thought "I must stop this thing quick!"

"Why for nearly five years I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop JCers from hoping!

...But HOW?"

 

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

BRANNON BRAGA

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 

 

"I know just what to do!" Braga cried as he did a happy jig

And he made himself a quick dress and a fluffy brown wig

And he chcukled and chuckled, "As a goddess they hail her,"

"And with this wig and dress, I'll look just like Jeri Taylor!"

And I'll go destroy JC..."

Braga jumped up, took his car key

Not even stopping to think how evil he was about to be

Braga stop to think? Never!

He just went ahead with this foolish evendeavour

It wasn't thought through at all because Braga had no brain

The JCers probably had it better by being insane

Even though thinking can sometimes be a pain

 

THEN

He loaded some bags

into the boot of his car

And set off while chuckling

The first JCers house wasn't that far

 

 

TBraga set off with an evil grin

And in his car he started toward

where he would commit that evil sin

(Though he didn't get there fast- his car was a Ford!)

 

 

All the JCers houses were dark. Gentle snores filled the air

JCers were all dreaming JC dreams without care

When he came to his first stop in Otley

"This is stop number one," Braga muttered with glee

And he climbed in the window, first checking no one could see

He got slightly stuck, the window was a rather tight pinch.

When he got unstuck he muttered "This stuff is a cinch."

He paused only once, for a moment or two.

To steal the Net connection lead- the most evil thing he could do

He saw the JC videos all stood neatly in a row

"Those tapes," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

 

 

Then he slithered and slunk, wearing his long black cape

Around the whole room, and he took every tape!

Resolutions! Shattered! Hunters and Coda to

Those episdoes contained JC he knew

And he stuffed them in bags and the tapes he did throw

Stuffed all in bags, they went right out the window!

 

Then he slunk to the laptop. He deleted the JC vids

He deleted all the fanfics, deleted JC having kids

He deleted ones where they kissed and more

And the ones where they did *ahem* on the ready room floor

 

 

After stuffing the action figures out of the window with glee

Braga went to the hall looking for more things that were JC

 

Just when he'd grabbed the copies of Pathways and Mosaic

And the last copies of all that hoirrble, horrible JC fic

He turned around to go, and he saw someone there

It was Bec Hanna, who was a fan of the command pair

 

 

Evil Braga had been caught by this JC fan

He hadn't realised JCers hardly ever sleep when making his plan

She stared at Braga and said "Mr Braga, why."

"Why are you in my house in drag? WHY?"

 

But you know, evil Braga was well...evil and bad

So he bribed Bec Hanna with some coffee he had

He knew JCers were caffiene addicted freaks

Who would die if they had to go with out cofee for two weeks

He gave her the coffee and told her his malicious lie

She was dreaming ('About Braga in drag? thought Bec 'WHY???)

 

 

 

Either his fib fooled Bec or she was willing to pretend for caffiene

(Or possibly she was trying to repress what she'd just seen!!)

And when Bec went back to bed, wondering was she asleep

Right back to the window did evil Braga creep

 

Then the last thing he took

Was every Christie Golden book

Then he went out onto the roof himself, with the JC stuff

Then outside he stamped on the fanfic, all that romance and 'fluff'

 

 

And not one JC thing

Was left when he was done

This time it looked like Braga had possibly won

 

 

Then

He did the same thing

To every JC thing the JCers owned

Leaving nothing

At all of JC

About which Braga so often moaned

 

 

It was quarter past dawn...

All the JCers, still a-bed

All the JCers, still a-snooze

When he laughed gleefully and said,

"No more JC! NO more fics! No more Coda! No more Braga-death plans!

No more Shattered! No more Hunters! No more music videos! No more fans!"

 

Then he went up to the top of the highest building at Paramount

And he stood ready to throw off all the JC things (there were to many to count)

"Bye Bye JC!" he was evilly humming.

"They'll finally realised now that no JC is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"The all the JCers will scream and all will cry BOO-HOO!"

 

"That's a noise," grinned Braga,

"That I simply must hear!"

So he paused. And the spawn of Satan put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the concrete

And Braga chuckled in an evil way, anticipating his treat

 

But the sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY!

 

He heard lots of typing and laughter!

Braga popped his eyes!

Then he went on-line!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

 

Every JCer on-line, the tall and the small,

Were writing and chatting! Without any JC things at all!

He HADN'T stopped the JCers from hoping!

THEY HOPED!

Somehow or other, they hoped anyway, after all!

 

 

And Braga, shocked by the happiness of his foe,

Sat puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

They hoped without fanfic! They hoped without books!

They hoped without analysing tapes for those long loving looks!"

And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.

Then Braga thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe JC," he thought "isn't just a romantic bore.."

"Maybe JC...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

 

And what happened then...?

Well...on-line they say

That Braga's small brain

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his head didn't feel quite so tight,

He sped with his car through the bright morning light

And he brought back the books and tapes! He took them back quick

And he...

 

...HE HIMSELF...HE WROTE THAT FANFIC