Me, Myself and Chakotay (part 1)

PG-13

Notes: Sorry! I couldn’t help it! I saw the film- Me, Myself and Irene and HAD to do a Voy version!

Disclaimer: This belongs to me, Me, Myself and Irene doesn’t (I don’t know who it belongs to but definitely not me!) Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount

 

“So there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?” Chakotay asked, looking disappointed. Captain Janeway shook her head without even looking up “I’m sorry Chakotay, the party sounds like fun, it really does. I just have to much work to even consider it.” He hovered for a second, as if hoping she would change her mind but when she still didn’t look up he nodded resignedly and left. After she heard the doors close, she threw down the padd with a frustrated noise. She wanted to go, she really did and it was so sweet of Chakotay to try to convince her. But she had all this work to do. She felt like crying or possibly screaming. It wasn’t fair she had to work this hard, it wasn’t fair, wasn’t…. A strange feeling overcame her and she gasped before being plunged into blackness.

Captain Janeway’s head came up slowly and, strangely, she was smiling. Not her usual ‘Captain’ smile. This was more a gleeful, wicked smile. “All right!” she exclaimed and jumped up from her chair. Picking up a padd from the pile she made a disgusted noise and threw it over her shoulder “I’m spending my Saturday night doing this? No way.” And with that she skipped out of the ready room.

“Let me guess, she had to work?” B’Elanna called as Chakotay entered alone. He nodded, sighing “ As usual, brilliant deduction B’Elanna.” B’Elanna looked amused “She’s working, as usual or it was a brilliant deduction, as usual?” Chakotay smiled “Both.” By this point B’Elanna had stopped paying much attention because Harry was making frantic hand signals to her, from over the other side of the room “Look I have to go- I think Tom’s gotten himself into another mess. Just try not to think about her and have some fun ok?” With a smile she began to walk over to Harry, he really did look distraught. She wondered what Tom had done this time. “B’Elanna!” Harry ran up to her, practically dragging her to where Tom was standing “What has he done this time?” B’Elanna sighed. Harry shook his head “For once it’s not Tom.” B’Elanna frowned; she’d really been expecting Tom to have done something “What? Who is it then?” They rounded the corner and Harry gestured in front of them. The Captain was standing there, clad in the skimpiest bikini ever created. The sight of her captain in a hot pink bikini was enough to make B’Elanna feel considerably thrown “Why did you call me, not Chakotay?” Tom snorted “Seriously? If he saw the captain wearing this, he’d have a heart attack.” The Captain spotted B’Elanna and tottered over in her towering heels “Finally! Another woman. Tell me hon, what are my options on this ship? Tell me there better than the helmsman whose hairline is receding faster than he can fly and the ensign who hasn’t yet hit puberty.” B’Elanna stared for a second, to shocked to take offence at her dismissal of Tom “Um…captain?” Captain Janeway grinned “Nah, that’s the other one. I’m Katie! Nice to meet you…?” As she shook ‘Katie’s’ hand, B’Elanna was really, really hoping this was all a bad dream “B’Elanna. Hey, why don’t we go down to sickbay?” Katie looked confused “Why? This party hasn’t even started yet! If you can call this a party that is. I wanna dance!” B’Elanna shook her head frantically, “Computer, transport myself and Captain Janeway directly to sickbay!” Katie began to complain but the transporter beam caught them before she could finish

“In short, you have a multiple personality disorder called schizophrenia.” Captain Janeway looked at him in disbelief “Why has it surfaced now? I’ve never had any problems before.” The Doctor sighed “This… ‘Katie’ is the part of you that you keep a tight reign on. She’s the part of you that loves losing control, not thinking about consequences or rule and regulations or Starfleet.” Janeway jumped off the biobed “Can’t you suppress it?” Frowning, the Doctor walked over to the console “I can try…how effective it will be, I don’t know.” She stood still for a moment then nodded “It’s worth a go.”

She’d barely been in her ready room five minutes when she heard the doors open and close “So…you’ve heard.” She said without even looking up. Chakotay nodded “Yes. If you’d come to the party with me when I asked, none of this would have happened.” She looked up “Please, no lectures. I can’t deal with them. I’m still trying to deal with the fact I turned up at a crew party in a pink bikini and high heels.” Chakotay’s eyebrows shot up “You did? When Tom told me what had happened he…left out those details.” A smile tugged at her lips but she answered, “It wasn’t really me though. It was ‘Katie’.” Chakotay nodded “I hear the Doctor has prescribed lots of fun as a cure. And he also told you to take a few days off.” He mock-glared the padd in her hand and she smiled “I know Chakotay, and I will as soon as I’ve got these few things finished…” Chakotay sighed “Kathryn you have fifty padds in front of you.” She put her head on one side “Your exaggerating Commander.” He shook his head “Not much. Come on Kathryn, the padds will still be there when you get back.” She looked tempted for a second but then said, “Aren’t you supposed to be on bridge duty anyway?” He grinned, “Tuvok has the bridge. Even he said I should try and get you to take some time off,” She shook her head firmly “Chakotay, we can’t have both the commanding officers off having fun in the holodeck while they should be on duty.” Her tone said ‘end of argument’ but Chakotay wasn’t going to except that “Ka…” She interrupted “You’re dismissed Commander.” He sighed, staring at her for a moment more before leaving.

Sitting on the bridge Chakotay was angry. Why couldn’t she ever let go? Why wouldn’t she ever let herself have any fun? The doors to the ready room opened and Chakotay’s heart leapt. Captain Janeway emerged “Hiya everyone! I’m back! Hey B’Elanna, nice to see you again! By the way are all the men on this ship ugly? I mean that Doctor was totally awful! Let’s see what we’ve got here…a Vulcan? Great, just great. Wait a sec…. who are you??” Her eye’s had landed on Chakotay. Unconsciously he looked over his shoulder and she sighed “You! Yeah you, big dark guy with the tattoo. You have definitely got more potential than all the other men on this ship put together!” Suddenly it clicked “Your Katie aren’t you?” She grinned “Yup and what’s your name sweetheart? Better tell me it now so I’ll know what to scream.” She gave him a cheeky wink and he blushed as red as his uniform. “Katie, you should go to sickbay.” B’Elanna spoke from behind her and she looked over her shoulder “Awww, do I have to? I’m having so much fun here.” B’Elanna kept insisting and suddenly a smile spread over Katie’s face “Ok, I’ll go. As long as he…” she gestured to Chakotay “…takes me.” B’Elanna looked doubtful “I think it would be better if…” Katie pouted, “If he doesn’t take me I’m not going. I still want to explore this ship…” Chakotay hastily agreed to go. B’Elanna walked over to him and hissed into his ear “Chakotay! Are you insane? A woman who is practically the captain is coming onto you pretty damn hard, and you want to be alone with her? Look, why don’t we just transport her? Chakotay…” He held up a hand to stop her “Look B’Elanna I appreciate your concern but I can keep a reign on my impulses don’t worry. If we transport her she’s going to create trouble.” She looked incredibly doubtful but Chakotay did his best to ignore her and turned to Katie “We’d better get going.” She grinned sexily at him and purred “Anything you say.” As soon as they left the bridge it burst out into argument about whether Chakotay would actually be able to resist Katie or not.

“So what’s there to do on this ship?” Katie was practically bouncing as she walked along beside him. Chakotay did his best not to look at her “Not to much. There’s the holodeck, sometimes we have parties in the messhall but not very often…” Katie made a face “Doesn’t sound like you have much fun. Still I suppose the holodeck can be entertaining. Let’s go!” He shook his head and she pouted again. “I want to have some fun!” Seizing her combadge she threw it in the air, laughing “Catch me if you can Chak!!” With that she set off. Chakotay hovered for a second before heaving a long suffering sigh and setting off after her.

He’d been searching for nearly an hour but there was absolutely no sign of her anywhere. Most of the other senior staff was also searching, because no one else knew about the Captain’s condition. They had agreed the crew might not take to kindly to the idea that their Captain was mentally ill. Finally Chakotay gave up, silently praying she didn’t embarrass herself too much but realising he was too tired to keep searching. He informed Tuvok and agreed to continue the search after he had slept. However as soon as he got back to his quarters he realised that was not going to happen. Katie was sprawled out on his couch; wearing a very low-cut, more than a bit see-through, red dress “Oh there you are sweetie. I was wondering when you were going to find me.” Getting up she moved over to him and entwined her arms around his neck “You’ve won the ‘treasure hunt’. Guess what you prize is.” She brushed her lips against his and Chakotay’s self control almost slipped. Firmly removing her arms from around his neck he slid out of her grasp “I’m sorry Katie but Kathryn is my friend. There is no way I’m going to sleep with you.” She frowned and walked back over to the couch, the long split in the side of the dress showing off her legs. Chakotay considered praying to the gods for strength. Katie looked up at him, catching the look on his face. Realising that she was still in with a chance she curved her lips into a smile “You might say that, but your face is telling me something totally different.” Suddenly Chakotay was struck by an idea “Would you like something to drink?” Katie seemed to take this as a step forward and nodded. Chakotay went over to the replicator and discreetly tapped his combadge “Chakotay to The Doctor.” “Yes, Commander what can I do for you?” Chakotay threw a worried look over his shoulder “I’m going to use the replicator in my quarters to replicate some wine. I need you to make sure a hypo containing the formula you use to suppress ‘Katie’ appears as well.” “I’ll try…” The Doctor started but Chakotay cut him off “No, you will not try, you will. I am having to deal with the fact that a woman who looks exactly like Captain Janeway, who practically is Captain Janeway, is trying to get me into bed. So listen to me- you will get that hypospray here now!” The Doctor sounded amused as he replied “Of course Commander.” Ordering the wine Chakotay breathed a sigh of relief as a hypo materialised next to it “What’s taking so long?” Katie complained. Chakotay quickly slipped the hypo spray up his sleeve and picked up the wine glasses “Just couldn’t decide which kind of wine to have.” He smiled at her, handing her a wine glass. She grinned at him “How about a toast? To having a good time.” She raised her wine glass and then straight away took a big gulp. After Chakotay had taken a sip of his, she grabbed it off him and placed them both on the table “We wouldn’t want them to get spilt.” Chakotay looked confused “Why would they…” Before he could finish Katie pounced on him, kissing him. Chakotay knew this would be the perfect time to use the hypo, while she was…distracted. But he couldn’t make himself bring Captain Janeway round while she was kissing him, he didn’t want to have to explain it. So detangling himself from Katie’s grasp he moved just out of her reach “Oh stop playing hard to get!” she cried in frustration “I know you want me I can see it in your eyes!” Chakotay shook his head “I don’t want you…I want Kathryn.” Katie looked angry “Her? How could you? She’s boring and uptight; she doesn’t know the meaning of the word fun. You’ll never get anywhere with her.” A look spread across her face and she smiled “You want Kathryn so badly? Just pretend I’m her! There’s not exactly much difference.” Chakotay shook his head “There’s a lot of difference.” Katie stared angrily at him “You should give up on her, she’ll never start a relationship with you. Me on the other hand…” she slid closer to him. This time Chakotay lunged with the hypo before she could get any further. A confused look spread over her face, before she blinked “Chakotay?” He smiled “Welcome back Captain.” Kathryn looked down at her outfit, then at Chakotay’s rumpled uniform and the wine on the table “Whatever I did, please forgive me.” Chakotay looked amused “Why do you assume that it was you, not me.” She sighed, “Because I know you but apparently I don’t know a part of me.” Chakotay smiled sympathetically, making a mental note not to embarrass her further by telling her what she said on the bridge, before tapping his combadge “Chakotay to Tuvok. ‘Katie’ has been located and suppressed.” Tuvok’s voice answered calmly “Acknowledged Commander.” Kathryn stood up to walk out of his quarters “Kathryn…” Chakotay called after her. She stopped, turning around with a surprised look on her face “Yes?” He grinned, gesturing to her dress “Maybe you should order a site to site transport.” She looked down and blushed “Yes…it is a bit...um…” Chakotay chuckled “Revealing? Low-cut? Transparent?” Smiling slightly she reached up to tap her combadge, only to find it missing. “Oh right…you threw it away somewhere on deck five.” Chakotay started to explain but she held up a hand “I don’t want to know. Guess it’s a good thing I’ve only got to go next door.” She strode out of his quarters, ignoring the stunned looks of the passing crewmen. After she left Chakotay collapsed back onto the couch, staring speculatively at his wine for a second before draining the entire thing. This had definitely been one of his most stressful days ever.

For a time everything seemed to go back to normal. Katie made no appearances and the Captain even seemed to be relaxing a bit. The Doctor even thought she might be cured. Unfortunately they came across a race called the Kalian’s, who insisted that they had to trade rather a large amount of dilithium in order to pass through their space. The Captain entered into intense negotiations and completely forgot about her new relaxed attitude. As she plunged into the negotiations Chakotay began to get more and more worried. He knew ‘Katie’ was going to put in an appearance, the only question was when…