Another Chance

Rel Prince

PG-13

Sequel to ‘Broken’

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. If I did do you think something as horrific as C/7 would have ever been allowed to happen???

Dedicated: To Tara for waiting so patiently for this and Clare because she’s a good friend and I haven’t dedicated anything to her yet *huggles*

Notes: The Goo Goo Dolls ‘Iris’ was the inspiration for the original ‘Broken’, and to a lesser extent this.

Feedback: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ([email protected])

 

 

"Come on Kathy cheer up." Mark smiled at her and she managed to send a convincing smile back his way. It was sweet of him to take her to the Culture Conference but she couldn't help thinking that she could have been here with Chakotay, if she hadn't been so selfish. Still, she told herself to cheer up and enjoy this day for what it was, not think about what it could have been. She stopped to admire a beautiful Betaziod statue and noticed Mark staring at her "What?" she asked self-consciously, reaching up to check her hair was still in place "Just thinking how beautiful you look that’s all." She blushed at the compliment and smiled at him. Mark reached out and took her hand and whispered jokily “Don’t tell my wife ok? Don’t want her getting jealous.” The word jealous caused Kathryn to flinch, as though it was aimed at her. She sighed and squeezed Mark’s hand, smiling at him again. At least she still had one friend, she thought miserably still wishing Chakotay was there, totally unaware the object of her thoughts was staring intently at her from the opposite side of the Betaziod statue display.

It had been like he’d received a small electric shock when he’s realised she was there. She was completely oblivious to him and Gillian had gone to listen to a symphony orchestra so he was free to stare. She looked beautiful in a matching deep blue shirt and top. He even considered going up to her and apologising. Then of course his pride kicked in and he told himself sternly he was not going to apologise for something he hadn’t done. He was about to leave when he noticed Kathryn talking to a man next to her. The man looked oddly familiar but Chakotay couldn’t place him…He noticed him take her hand and suddenly felt like someone had punched him, hard in the stomach. She was seeing someone, he couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know why that should strike him as so profoundly wrong but it did…. Quickly he turned and walked in the opposite direction.

Mark took her home “Kathy……….what’s wrong?” She looked at him in surprise “Nothing’s wrong!” He smiled at her “I’d like to think I still know when you’re upset about something…are you going to tell me or am I going to have to keep asking you until you do?” She smiled slightly “It’s nothing, really Mark I’ve just had a bit of an argument with one of my friends.” He stared at her intently and she could tell he realised that she wasn’t telling him the truth but knew not to push it. “Goodnight, and tell your wife I’ll come over and see her and your daughter soon.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek and when inside.

 

Kathryn woke up the next morning with a smile on her face. She’d been dreaming about New Earth, about the moment when Chakotay had told her his ‘legend’ and they’d held hands, she’d felt so safe, so happy, so loved. Only in this dream they hadn’t just held hands, she’d leaned over and kissed him and told him she loved him. He whispered that he loved her to and that nothing, nothing would ever part them and they’d stay together forever… she’d woken up still smiling. It had taken her a few seconds to realise it had just been a dream and that she hadn’t been on New Earth for years. As soon as she realised this she felt curiously drained and a dull ache settled in her stomach. She slumped back down on the bed, tears filling her eyes. Was she going to feel like this every time she thought of him for the rest of her life? Phoebe assured her that it got easier over time and eventually she’d forget about him but Kathryn didn’t think so, the pain was to strong to ever go away.  Eventually she managed to drag herself down for breakfast. Phoebe was visiting and smiled at her sympathetically. Her mother eyed her with concern. She knew Mark had probably said something to her but she didn’t feel like telling her mother what was wrong. Using the fact she had to get to the Academy early, she avoided the family breakfast that she knew would contain worried queries from her mother about work and how much sleep she was getting. Arriving at the Academy she had barely been in her office five minutes when Admiral Deighton cornered her to ask about being a substitute for another command class. Much as she usually liked Admiral Deighton, she really didn’t feel like one of her long-winded talks. However there wasn’t really a lot she could do about it so she sat in silence. Kathryn was only half-listening to her until she caught the word ‘Chakotay’ “Excuse me?” Admiral Deighton looked vaguely annoyed that she hadn’t been paying attention “I said, it will be a shame to lose Chakotay, he’s so good with the cadets but then he requested some time off to prepare for his wedding and…” Kathryn nearly spilt her coffee in her shock “Wedding??” Deighton looked at her in surprise “Yes, I assumed you knew, you and Chakotay being such good friends and all. He proposed to that biologist girlfriend of his, they wanted to get married quickly so she could go along with him on his deep space mission…” Kathryn repeated “Deep space mission??” Admiral Deighton looked taken aback “You don’t mean to tell me you didn’t know about that either. I thought you and Chakotay were close…” Kathryn looked down “We used to be until a few weeks ago.” Admiral Coral Deighton prided herself on being able to ‘read between the lines’ as she put it. Right now she’d put two and two together and figured out what had happened. Commander Chakotay had turned down the captaincy when it was offered to him four weeks previously yet now he seemed eager to take it. She’d bet that as sure as Klingons were warriors and Romulans were cowards that Kathryn Janeway had been jealous of his girlfriend. Probably acted irrationally and said and done things she didn’t mean. Deighton knew what it was like to be jealous and she could also spot the symptoms of a broken heart from a mile off. Poor thing, she thought, she really does look miserable. Well that Chakotay’s a fool to chose that arrogant woman over her. Maybe she’d only know these two for the few months they’d been back on Earth but it didn’t take a genius to figure out they were in love. She wished she could make them see it to. “You get back to me about that substitution.” she said patting Kathryn’s arm in a motherly fashion, then leaving her to her own thoughts.

After Admiral Deighton left, Kathryn just sat there for a few moments. It was painfully obvious to her what Chakotay was doing. He’d confided in her only a few weeks ago that Gillian kept hinting about marriage but he wasn’t sure about it. She realised that she’d been the reason he’d been unsure, he might even have still had feelings for her. But she pushed him away yet again and straight into Gillian’s arms. She drew a shaky breath, tears blurring her eyes.  It was all her fault. She’d lost Chakotay for good this time. Suddenly she stood up, almost knocking over her chair. She wouldn’t let this be the end of it. This couldn’t be the end of it. She needed to talk to Chakotay. If she could talk to him she could convince him to give her a second chance. To forget about the deep space mission, and to forget about Gillian. To give her another chance, to give them another chance.

The look of shock on his face when he’d opened the door had made her want to turn and run. But she wouldn’t, she’d never been scared of a challenge and she wasn’t going to start now. “Can I come in?” she asked quietly. He nodded holding the door open so she could enter. For a few seconds they just stood looking at each other in an uncomfortable silence.  Then Kathryn began to speak “The reason I’m here is that I heard you’ve taken the deep space mission. I thought I’d better come and try and repair our friendship before you leave.” Silently she cursed herself for the formal and accusatory way it came out. “Really?” he said evenly, but she could tell by the way his jaw tensed he wasn’t exactly going to forgive and forget. He turned and walked away from her “You shouldn’t be here Kathryn. You made it perfectly clear you don’t want our friendship to continue. If I’ve accepted that fact so should you…” She cut him off  “I was wrong. I don’t want this to be the end Chakotay,” He stopped walking as she stepped in front of him “What do you want Kathryn?” He asked, frustrated. “What I’m asking for is another chance.” She said, staring him directly in the face, as if challenging him. He looked angry, really angry. “Another chance?” he said in a dangerously quiet voice “You want another chance?” He looked about ready to hit out at something and Kathryn felt afraid for a moment. “You’ve used all your chances and several more besides Kathryn. You’ve pushed me away, manipulated me, ignored me and used me! And I’ve taken it! And do you want to know why? Because I really believed I was in love with you and that I loved you so much that eventually I’d make you love me to. But, guess what? I’ve finally seen you for the heartless cruel person you really are Kathryn. And now I want you out of my life as much as you wanted me out of yours. It’s over Kathryn, and I never want to see you or speak to you ever again.” She stared at him for a moment, opening and closing her mouth several times. When she did finally speak her voice was little more than a croak “If that’s how you…” she paused in an attempt to hold onto her composure. The hard look on his face wavered and as a few tears escaped from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks it broke entirely “I’m sorry.” He said quietly “I shouldn’t have put it like that Kathryn. Your not heatless or cruel or any of those things deliberately. I don’t think you ever realised when you were hurting me, but you were. It’s not your fault you didn’t return my feelings. But…I think that it’s probably best for both of us if we except this as the end of our friendship and move on.”  No! Her heart cried out you can’t let this happen, you can’t let this be the end of it. But Kathryn was far more used to listening to her head than her heart and her head was telling her that if he wanted to end it than the sensible thing to do was to let him. “That’s probably…probably best.” She whispered quietly. He nodded and she turned and walked to the door. Just before she left she turned around and looked back at him. He was staring at her with tears in his eyes. “Goodbye.” She somehow managed to get the word out without breaking down into tears. Walking slowly away, it was all she could do not to break into a run. She just wanted to get out of there, to be on her own. Hot tears pricked her eyes and she felt as though something was stuck in her chest obstructing her breathing. Eventually, when she was out of sight of Chakotay’s house she gave a stifled sob and let the tears run down her face. She hadn’t believed that she could ever loose Chakotay. He’d stood by her through so much. But she’s finally pushed him to far and he’d turned and walked away. And she was left standing by herself, literally and figuratively. Alone.

 

 

 

“Everyday it’s a losing battle

Just to smile and hold my head up high

Could it be we belong together

Baby won’t you give me one more try”

Mike and the Mechanics ‘Looking Back’