life

1) Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. (This advice does not apply to throwing rocks at hornets nests)

2) When the sign says HIGH VOLTAGE, you better believe it!

3) In Zen, the first awareness is that nothing in the world is permanent (except a red-wine stain on a white silk shirt)

4) Beware of all new enterprises that require new clothes.

5) A good friend stabs you in the front.

6) Beware of any entertainment describes as "zany."

7) Most garage sales are really depressing.

8) Watch out for anyone who calls himself "Uncle" but isn't your uncle.

9) Time is money, unfortunately.

10) Playing solitaire is its own punishment.

11) Run- don't walk- from open mike poetry readings.

12) Just because they add wacky sound effects on America's Funniest Home Videos doesn't mean that the people in those videos don't get hurt.

13) Another thing that sets humankind apart from animals: Humans are the only creatures that eat corndogs voluntarily.

14) Don't follow advice from comic books.

15) People say "Outrageous!" when they really mean "That's mildly interesting."

16) Contrary to popular belief, honking your horn in a traffic jam doesn't make the cars move faster.

17) Never look inside a Big Mac before eating it.

18) The love you take is equal to the love you make, plus postage and handling fees.

19) When people say, "Be careful for what you wish for - you may get it." reply, "I wish you'd just shut your big fat mouth."

20) Before you get that tattoo of Hootie and the Blowfish on your bicep, think very, very carefully.

21) Tomorrow is the day after the first day of the rest of your life.