MARRIED CROSSDRESSER
Being a married cross-dresser, I have been asked time and again, how I told my wife about my cross-dressing and how did she react. Hence I am putting down my thoughts about the same in web page. This is to be read with the Indian society and culture in mind since it may be very much different in other parts of the world. For the information of non- Indians, marriage in Indian society is considered a one-time affair. Getting divorced is considered as a very big failure and generally marriage is for life form the day you start it. Having said that, I should also add that we are a very conservative society and it is still a man’s world out here. Men form the standing pillar of any family and they are supposed to protect and provide for their spouses and children. A typical Indian girl accepting a cross- dresser husband is a one in a million chance.
Should you tell your wife about your crossdressing is a question, which has been asked for so many times in the minds of all married crossdressers. I do not have a perfect answer to this question, but for me I just could not hold it back from her and so it was not so hard to tell her about it as many of you might have thought. She was quite a bit surprised about the fact that I am a cross dresser, and took some time to sink into her, but eventually she accepted because of the love and understanding we share. She is very well aware of the fact that there is no problem to the macho side in me.
The basic question once again. Should you tell your wife or not?
It is my personal opinion that there should not be anything in your life that you cannot share with your wife. Your cross dressing is no exception to that. If you are sure that your wife would not accept your crossdressing, it is better to stop crossdressing. In the Indian context, you simply cannot blame your wife for not accepting. Even if there is a remote chance of her accepting your crossdressing, you should tell her.
What factors influence your decision?
Basically it is the love and understanding that you have for each other. More than love I should say that it is the mutual understanding. Even after you have revealed your passion for crossdressing and your wife is not willing to accept that after all deliberations, you should be willing from within your heart to stop crossdressing. So, how much you value your wife and family is every single individual’s prerogative.
When to tell?
The earlier the better, some may say. Keeping in line with my earlier statement of not holding anything at all from your wife, this may seem the ideal answer. But hold it! You may have to take some time for this. Time to think and see whether you are able to stop crossdressing. If you are not able to, then time to think whether your wife will accept it. There may be many intimate moments in the earlier part your married life that you may think that your partner will accept anything from you. But hold it again! It requires time and patience for a clear understanding of each other. Reveal only and only when you think that there is a perfect understanding. The most important point in this context is that she should be fully aware that you have all the capabilities of a normal male and your crossdressing is in no way will affect your family life.
How to tell?
Wait for a time when you both would not be disturbed for at least four hours. Begin by telling her that you want to tell her an important thing in your life. Tell her that you are coming out to her because you just could not hold it back from her. Tell her how much you love her and care for her and vice versa. Let it be slow. Each and every word you say must sink into her. I tell you, it is not so hard. If it really comes from the heart, yes, right from the bottom of the heart, then it will be easy. Be as much soft and normal as possible. I know it is difficult but try. Let it not come out like a bomb. Convince her that this is not a sin or anything of the sort. Tell her about the numerous people around the world and maybe few examples of married crossdressers you know. Do not hide anything. Once you have started, let it all come out. Be sure to point out to her that there is nothing wrong with your macho capabilities. As I mentioned earlier, this point has to be driven down into her mind. Do it without frustration. Allow her time. Let everything sink into her.
What if she doesn’t accept after all this?
If you do it right, chances are remote that she wont accept. But still if she is not accepting, then take the decision to quit dressing up and tell her so. I would have done that. Quitting will involve much difficulty, which you can explain to your wife, but if you have to quit, then you have to quit.
What if she accepts?
Yes, that is very very important. Just remember, do not overindulge. Remember that she has accepted only because of the love towards you and her understanding towards you. Never ever take it as a sign of her weakness. Overindulging is the only reason why wives who have accepted crossdressing husbands in the first place have subsequently backed out.
I hope the above-mentioned thoughts will be helpful to married crossdressers or those who intend to get married. If you have any suggestions on the same, just drop me a note.
Wish you all a happy married life.