| Kitty woke up with a scream. She scrambled up and lashed at the fragments of nightmare that wakefulness was chasing away. Kurt sat up and wrapped his arms around, and pinned her thrashing body until his soft worried voice penetrated her terror. "Hush liebe. It's all right. It's just a dream. Liebchen, be calm, shh." "K... Kurt? Oh, God, I dreamed... I dreamed..." "I can guess, my liebe. The 'I'm sorry' kind of gave it away." He held her tight as she shuddered in his arms. He looked at the clock and decided it was too late to get back asleep. Scooping her up, he carried her to the bath and sat her down while he ran a hot bath. He put her in it, before him, so he could keep holding her. She leaned back against him and wept, brokenly. Now that she was awake, he didn't try to quiet her. She needed to cry, needed to let it out. All he could do was let her grieve, and hold her. When she was cried out he washed her, soaping off the sour sweat of fear that slicked her skin. He washed her hair, running his hands through the damp chestnut curls. Her hair was growing out of the short plush they had clipped it to, and he could see that it would be wavy. When she was clean and relatively calm, he slipped out of the bath. Drying as fast as he could, he prepared a hot breakfast. "It is ready liebe, come and eat." Kitty wandered out to the table, wrapped in towels. She sat and stared at her plate numbly as she dished food into it. "Eat, liebe, or I'll... I'll tickle you." Her brows furrowed at her plate. "You wouldn't." She muttered. "Do you want to test me? I'll be forced to use even more drastic measures, if you don't eat." She started muttering, and he could only pick out words here and there. "... mean cruel elf... ... blue fuzz butt..." But she picked up her fork and started eating. "... not hungry..." He smiled. "Complain about my blue fuzzy butt all you like, Katzchen, as long as I can see you eating. The body needs fuel, even if you're upset. Maybe more so." She ate most of it, and pushed the plate to him. He scooped what was left onto his plate, and when he finished that, he filled it one last time. "It's a wonder you aren't totally round with all that you eat." "Enhanced metabolism. It gives me energy. Without all that I eat I'd be a very sad, sluggish elf." He stood up and hunched far over, one hand pressed to his back, the other holding his tail like a crooked rubbery cane. He took a few tottering steps around the kitchen, looking for all the world like some old men she'd seen in the retirement home. She chuckled, covering her mouth as he shoulders shook. "Eh girly? What's that? Are you laughing at me?" he piped in a high querulous voice. "It's not nice to make fun of your elders!" He pointed at her with a twitching finger, waggling his eyebrows ferociously. She burst out laughing, and threw a cloth napkin at him. His tail snaked up and grabbed it, and he straightened up so he could give her a grand bow. "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week." He came up behind her and cuddled her, nuzzling her neck. "Feel better, liebe?" "Yeah... just... not much to laugh about, today." "I know Katzchen, but we live to laugh again." He leaned around and caught her mouth with his. The kiss was sweet, and lingered, while back in the bedroom his alarm went off. "That still set a half-hour early?" He nodded, and she pulled him into the main room. "Cuddle with me, before we have to go to work?" "You don't have to ask me twice. Holding you is my dearest delight." He embraced her. She hummed and leaned against him, losing some more of the crippling tension she'd woken with. His sense of timing nudged him when it was time to dress. "Come along, liebe. We need to get ready." She met him at the door, later, and he took her hand. "Tonight we'll do something to commemorate her, all right?" "Sounds good. I knew you'd think of something." She looked down. "I can't see past my guilt, yet." "Give it time, Katzchen. Just... give it time." She shrugged. "Time is all I have to give, and even that isn't mine. She squeezed his hand, and walked to the elevator. * * * Kurt's work shift dragged on. He tried to remember every time he'd someone pitch a bucket of ash over the railing of the open bay. Dozens, it had to be dozens of times. And every time, it was the remains of a fellow mutant, thrown careless away. It made a man want to give it to hate, Gott knew. He was used to the stench, but he really didn't care all that much about separating the glass and cans today. It was just something to be done, whether he wanted to or not. Never a stranger to hard work, he'd cut plenty of firewood and tended lots of horses during his years with the Romany. He'd never felt taken advantage of there; the work he did benefited everyone, directly or not. Here, he was grimly aware that his work served only to line the pockets of his masters. It was the worst kind of slavery. By lunchtime he'd worked up to a fine snit of temper. His tail lashed as he stalked from the bay. He reached his quarters, made a few sandwiches and ported to the beam opposite the vent in the hull-space. Getting angry would help nothing. He pulled a blanket from his cache in an intersection of girders, and watched the ground pass by below as he ate his lunch. When he finished, he took the knot-work rosary from his pocket, and began reciting prayers, bending his mind to calmness. It wasn't Joe's fault. The man was decent to him and he almost worked Hound's hours, except Kurt was sure that he was paid, and got overtime. He was pretty well centered by the time he reported back. He did his job efficiently, with no wasted movements. Joe called him to the office at the end of the second shift. "It's real obvious you ain't happy today, and I can't say as I blame ya. See that little book? Put it in your pocket. I don't know nothing about it, clear?" Kurt put the small white book in his thigh pocket. "Crystal, mein Herr." Kurt saw Joe grimace. "Sorry Joe." "No problem. Now, scat, and stop scaring my workers." Was? He looked around as he left. It looked like the bay workers had gotten a reminder today that Kurt was a hound, trained for combat. He put a smile on his face, and waved as he left. A few waved back, but most were doggedly not looking at him. Verdammt, that as all he needed, to be scaring the few decent normals he had contact with by his thoughtless actions. He went home, and put the book in his secret stash high up in the beams. Then he cleaned up and hurried to dine with Katzchen. She was waiting for him, as always. She looked tired and depressed, but she greeted him with a kiss, and they got their food. As people left the hall, Brad stopped by their table. "I heard what happened yesterday. Man, she's got more balls than you do, altar-boy." Kitty looked up at him with a scowl, clutching her dinner knife like it was a weapon. Kurt reached over and delicately, but firmly, removed it from her hand. "Remind me you said that, Herr Stalker of slugs, the next time you and I spar, hmm?" Brad smirked, but walked away without further comment. "I'm going to have to give him a serious beating tomorrow," Kurt muttered. "Kurt, he's bigger than you, he'll cream you." "Didn't stop me from pasting the floor with him on Friday. Eventually." "Eventually? Is that what was bothering you?" "Eh? Ah, no. That was something else, and I'm still thinking about it. Can we go now?" He got up and pulled out her chair. "Sure. We have plans tonight." * * * Up by the vent, Kitty cuddled in a blanket, as Kurt took a moment to study the little book by the starlight. "What is it, love?" she asked him. "Something Joe told me to take. It's a copy of the Book of Common Prayer, 1952 Episcopal edition." He looked at the gold foil name printed under the cross on the cover. "Issued to one Kimberly Anne Johansson, and apparently never used. (*) He leafed through the table of contents. "Very good. This has all the Psalms, so it's something we can both use." He smiled at her, and thumbed through more pages. ""Burial of the Dead"". Ach, this goes on for pages and pages... let me find where it gets to the point. Here it is." "Man that is born of woman hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery. He cometh up, and is cut down like a flower; he fleeth as it were shadow, and never continueth in one stay. In the midst of life we are in death; of whom may we seek succor, but of thee, O Lord, who for our sins art justly displeased? Yet, O Lord God most holy, O Lord most mighty, O holy and most merciful Saviour, deliver us not into the bitter pains of eternal death. Thou knowest, Lord, the secrets of our hearts; shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer; but spare us, Lord most holy, O God most mighty, O holy and merciful Saviour, thou most worthy Judge eternal, suffer us not, at our last hour, for any pains of death to fall from thee." Kitty was sniffling, and she fidgeted with the tin in her hands. "Unto almighty God we commend the soul of our Sister departed, and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection unto eternal life. ...Amen." "Amen," she echoed. He tucked to book away, and leaped to the vent, snatching hold of one of the vanes before he fell. "Set her free, Katzchen. In death, if not in life, she has the wings of an angel." She nodded and opened the tin, air walking to the vent beside him. She sprinkled the ashes into his hand, making sure they turned solid as they fell. He thrust his hand out against the wind, and held it like that for a while, then opened his hands to release the gritty particles to the night sky. Kitty air walked back to the beam, and shivered. Kurt took the tin from her, and put it among his treasures. Then he wrapped his beloved in his arms and ported them down to the deck. Kitty leaned on him as they came through the blankets into the main room. "Kurt... I... need to tell you something. Sit with me?" "Certainly, Katzchen." He curled up on the couch beside her. "Friday... Agent Brestin was acting as my trainer. Sparring with me. He's better than I am at combat." Kurt took her hands, feeling them tremble. "After the weights... he went into the shower room with me. Watching me. He'd been making ... suggestions... about being with me..." She stopped because Kurt's eyes were narrowed and his tail was lashing again. "You see? This is why I didn't want to tell you. You'll get all mad and do something stupid and he's a trainer and..." He put a finger on her mouth to stop her nervous babbling. "Katzchen. I'm not stupid. Please give me more credit than that. I may be angry, but that doesn't mean I will act on it. Okay?" She flushed with shame, and he wrapped her in his arms. "So, is that all?" Slowly, she shook her head. Kurt sighed. "What else?" "He came right up the shower..." She made a face. "And he... gratified himself... while he watched me." Kurt's eyes were still narrowed. "Did he do anything else?" "No. Not yet. But..." she spoke reluctantly, "I think it's only a matter of time before he does. He can do what he wants to me, and he knows it." "Ja... and it fits the pattern. Agent Vail was one of my trainers Friday. She and a woman friend from the Psych department came to me while I was drying. They... played with my fur. Petting me like a cat, talking over me like I wasn't there. I also think it's a matter of time before they do... something more." "What can we do about it?" Kitty said. She sounded close to tears. "Do? Ah, Katzchen. We can do nothing; we are Hounds, and not masters of our own fates, or our bodies. That was true even before we were wed. I think that our vows to each other only apply to what we can control, and to what we are given the option of choice. Whatever we are coerced to do... we must forgive each other for." He rubbed his hand over his face, and sighed deeply. "My wife, I forgive you, in advance, of any forced infidelity that might occur. I only pray that you tell me about, and grant me the same courtesy." She flung her arms around his neck. "Of course... Oh, Kurt, I know you'd never want to be unfaithful, and I forgive you now." The embrace lasted a long time, and when she pulled back, he sighed again. "Something else?" she said. "Ja. I fear they might find... my 'on switch'..." He looked down. "That would appear to them like... I was consenting to be with them." "We know better," she said. "I learned my lesson. Doing that to you, without your consent is coercion and it doesn't matter what they think." He nodded and laid his head against hers. "It'd be so much easier if this was a normal marriage, and we didn't have to discuss contingencies... against the certain event of... being raped." She snorted. "Since when has anything about any of this..." she gestured around them, "our relationship, or situation... been normal? Abnormal IS the norm with us." "That is the truth, Katzchen. It's senseless to fret about things that we can't change. But..." he pointed a finger at her. "There is something that we can change about the way we are living. Here we have both been keeping these stains on our souls to ourselves this weekend, and therefore have been making ourselves miserable. And not only ourselves, but our partner as well, because I've been worried about you, as you have been worried about me. I promise to try to talk to you about what is bothering me from now on. We are so close, liebe; we can see it in each other. It is better brought out into the open, then kept hidden." Kitty ducked her head, and nodded. "Okay, I promise not to hide things from you anymore. We'll just have to work them out." She picked up his hand and stroked the soft velvet with a sad smile. "I do feel like a failure. We've only been married a little while, and I've already found something to screw us up." His hand reached up and caressed her face. "Nonsense, Katzchen. This is just a course correction; happens all the time in marriages. People change, circumstances alter, but a living relationship adapts with these changes. I watched a lot of couples in the clans, and they would go through these times. The ones who lasted where the ones who worked it out, together." "My parents never had talks like this," she said frowning. "And their marriage was fine. Is fine... I hope." "They never went off alone to their room, or out for a drive, say, for a private talk when things got a little tense?" "Yeah, but I always thought it was, well, mushy stuff. Not this kind of ... course correction." "Probably a little of both, mein Katzchen. Clearing the air and dealing with the problems that cause the tensions does tend to lead to the mushy stuff, as you say. Although I don't think they did you any favors by concealing from you the give and take of a relationship." His tail snaked around her waist and squeezed. She pushed at the blue coil, smiling. "Hey, you leave my folks outta this, you... blue fuzzy elf!" The tail just coiled more snugly around her. "They never did anything to you." The tail's end started poking at her sides. "No tickles!" "How about kisses instead?" he said, tail poised mid-poke. "Deal. Blackmailer," she mock pouted at him before she let him kiss her. "Guilty as charged." (*) Name altered a bit to protect the apparently irreligious, from the one on the cover of my copy that I picked up at a used bookstore. Quoted bits are from pages 332 and 333. Chapter Nineteen Back to Fanfics Back to Series Index Back to Main Page |