Jokes

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists � two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
�We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.� The first man said.�You can�t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,�

The agent replies, �Then you�re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. �I tried, but I can�t kill my wife.� The agent replies, �You don�t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.�

Finally, it was the woman�s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, �You guys didn�t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.�

George Bush is so stupid, he went to a concert and waved to Stevie Wonder.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

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A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?