Getting Lost

Some trampers head for the bush in order to "find themselves"; others have to be found by search parties.  Either way, an important part of the journey for most is "being lost".  We ourselves have never been lost, but we understand that there are many ways to do it.  The more obvious ones are:

1. Not knowing where you are;
2. Not knowing where you are supposed to be;
3. Not knowing how to get from where you are to where you are supposed to be;

1. "Knowing" all of the above, but being completely wrong about it.

How to Get Lost There are a number of tools which every tramper should have in his inventory to assist him in getting lost: (a) The Map Maps are great but they don't always reflect reality.  It can be quite disappointing to learn that the hut marked on your map was actually dismantled in 1963 and has never been replaced.  Such disappointments can lead to cynicism and tensions in the tramping party: conversations begginging with  "I think we are here; what do you think?" may end with disputes over the relocation of rivers, mountains, and other geographical features.
	(b) The Compass The compass is a useful device which always points north.  Sort of.  Actually, the north it points to is the magnetic north; this is not to be confused with geographic north which is what your map says is north.  Apparently there is also something called "true north", which is the same thing as geographic north... or was it magnetic north...? Here in the Southern Hemisphere, the compass actually doesn't point to any of those norths; it points away from magnetic south, which is only vaguely opposite Magnetic North on the globe. Actually, the compass is as likely to point to the nearest cell phone speaker or magnetic screwdriver, and you already knew where that was, so probably your compass is not much use.   In any case, once the robust discussions over the correct use of the compass-and-map combination have ended, it is too dark to find your way out of the bush.   Might as well wait for the sun to come up in the east (yes, even in the Southern Hemisphere).
(c) The Guide Book Ah, guide books!  They really are magnificent works of fiction.  They describe in intricate detail places you have never been (nor the writer, it would appear).  Nevertheless, trampers spend many hours trying to match their real-life experiences to the theories propounded by the guide book. They say fishermen have special measuring devices which magnify the size and weight of their catches.  Guide book authors don't need such equipment; instead they apply new meanings to familiar words.  Thus a "clearly-marked track" can take hours to find, and an "easy walk" can leave one exhausted.  Here are some other good phrases to watch out for: "gradual ascent"; "short"; "comfortable". Use of such terms leaves the tramper feeling rather inadequate to the task at hand, and more than a little uncharitable towards the author. It seems expedient to include at this point a short discussion on "true right" as it applies to rivers.  This phrase is frequently found in guide books. True right is truly left when one is travelling up the river.  So half the time right is left, and the other half right is right, right?  An easy way to remember true right is to think which would be the right bank if one were lazily drifting down the river in a small boat rather than slogging one's way up it. (d) Directions from Knowledgable Person The world is full of Knowledgable Persons, but most of us don't know how to tell the experienced from the foolhardy.  And if we do, we probably don't need any directions.  Unfortunately not every Knowledgable Person really knows how far 300 metres is, although they may sound like they do. (e) Global Positioning Systems (GPSs) It sounds like a great idea having a computer telling you exactly where you are and where you want to go.   If you can afford one.  Which we can't.  Donations will be gratefully accepted.  We would also be interested to hear from GPS owners whether (a) they still work okay in valleys and under tree cover, and (b) whether the technology is any easier to grasp than that of video recorders, microwave ovens, and fax machines - all of which have eluded the larger part of mankind up until this point.