Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: Action Figures

Author: Taryn Eve

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Tucker/Reed

Rating: R

Category: Slash

Summary: Hoshi borrows some props from the guys to show an alien how humans play nice.

Beta reader(s): Thanks to the LD Action Figures thread for the idea, and Down In New York for the beta. You all teach me new things everyday.

Archived to Reed's Armory on 04/20/2003.

Hoshi could see the sentence forming on the broad features of Haska, the golden-skinned Rozat sitting across from her. He quirked his mouth, and opened it to spill his statement onto the Captain's table. It was sentence the communications officer dreaded most during first contact missions. She gripped the UT tightly, waiting for the words to fall.

"I don't understand."

Captain Archer looked over at Hoshi with twinkling eyes.

Hoshi set aside the UT then smoothed the imaginary wrinkle on the tablecloth, trying to hang on to her temper. "We don't bring our children into space because we're explorers," she said carefully. "Right now, we don't want to subject them to the hazards of travel. Someday, we'll have bigger starships, and we'll be able to bring our families into space."

Haska Rozat, a large set humanoid with gray eyes and restless hands, looked at his two comrades questioningly. The female, who hadn't given her name to the Enterprise crew, nodded.

Haska said in a penetrating voice, "The Boomers had children when we met them two years ago."

Hoshi sighed. This was very slowly turning into the longest day of her life. Haska had asked questions about everything under the sun over the last three hours, and had required detailed answers. T'Pol and Trip had managed to duck out of the conversation by returning to their duty stations. She thanked her lucky stars that the other two Rozat hadn't spoken at all. She'd heard of long lunches, but this was appalling. A thought suddenly struck her: she could claim diplomatic immunity if she tossed the pitcher of iced tea over Haska's head.

Captain Archer smiled broadly to deflect her tension. "To answer your original question, Haska, I think you'll find that human children have a variety of games and toys like children in other cultures. For example, we have games that involve balls and targets right here on the ship."

Haska pouted his very large lips. "I don't like balls."

Hoshi flinched at the sullen tone in the alien's voice. The captain has asked her to coax Haska onboard, and to humor him. Haska's freighter contained a number of goods Dr. Phlox, Chef, and Trip wanted, such as medicines, food, and engineering parts. So far, the husky Rozat hadn't even broached the subject of trade.

She studied Haska's companions for a moment, to regain her composure. Their smoky gray eyes seemed as amused as Archer's. Hoshi considered the bigger Rozats thoughtfully. Haska had asked a lot of questions. He had wanted to know about human children, and toys. He used logic as ruthlessly as a Vulcan chessmaster-or a human five-year old. Her eyes widened with realization. Of course, she said to herself.

"You're his parents," she said aloud to the silent Rozat couple.

Haska rolled his eyes. "I told you that when you hailed my ship."

Hoshi called upon the image of the snarky alien drowning in cold tea. Then she smiled and said sweetly, "You must have spoken before my universal translator could interpret your remarks."

Archer poured himself a fresh glass of tea, as if picking up Hoshi's unvoiced thoughts. "Ensign, maybe you can give our guests a tour while Haska's parents and I negotiate," the captain said, shooting a playful look at her.

"Yes, Captain," Hoshi said, inwardly groaning. Babysitting, her mind told her ironically. That's why you signed up for Starfleet.

Haska eagerly rose from his chair.

"Don't break anything this time," the female said gruffly.

Hoshi and Archer exchanged worried glances while Haska said in a sullen voice, "Yes, Mother."

"Ask Malcolm to escort you," Archer said under his breath to Hoshi. "And find Trip, just in case something does happens."

Hoshi bowed her head. She'd handled a small number of difficult students over the years, but something about Haska just plain irked her.

She walked over to the comm. "Sato to Commander Tucker."

"This is Tucker," Trip's breathless voice said a short moment later.

Hoshi repressed a sigh, wishing she could escape from her duties. "I've been asked to give our guest a tour of the ship."

Trip coughed. "Can you take Malcolm instead?" he asked in a distracted manner. "I'm in the middle of something, here."

Hoshi folded her arms. "Lieutenant Reed is next on the comm list, Commander." She hoped Trip could pick up her emphasis on their ranks.

Trip sighed. "I see. I'll meet you in Engineering in five minutes. Tucker out."

"Let's go," Haska said, irritated at the delay. "I want to see if your warp core is bigger than mine."

Hoshi stared at him until he tucked his scowl away for future reference. Then she returned to the comm and hailed Lieutenant Reed. She explained the captain's orders in a very tight voice.

"I'll be right there, Ensign," the tactical officer said briskly. "Reed out."

Hoshi shot a last plaintive look at Captain Archer, who merely smiled again. She shrugged, then herded the tall Rozat child to the corridor. Malcolm bounded down around the corner a few moments later. She gave him a puzzled look over his swift arrival.

He shrugged. "T'Pol said to be ready to meet you."

"How very logical of her," Hoshi said ironically. "Remind me to send her some flowers."

Malcolm grinned while Haska leaned forward to poke at the comm button in the corridor.

"Let's go this way," Hoshi said hastily. Haska glowered at her, but moved toward the turbolift.

Hoshi looked up at Malcolm. "I hate to break a confidence, but can I borrow your Hang Solo doll? He keeps asking about toys."

The security officer turned beet red for a moment. "It's Han Solo, an antique action figure," he said quietly, with force. "I spent five weeks working in this musty old bookstore when I was fifteen in order to earn enough money to buy it. It is not a toy, Ensign. It's not for bloody, 'Show and tell the alien day.'"

Haska compulsively punched the turbolift buttons over and over again. Hoshi turned to Malcolm, and began another appeal, saying, "The captain told me to keep Haska from breaking anything. If you don't want to help me do my duty, then I'll just tell him you said no."

Malcolm gave her a sour look. "Play the duty card, will you? Very well, but you'd better return Mr. Solo in pristine condition, or I'll have you in for double drills for target practice next week."

Hoshi smiled brilliantly at him. "You're the best," she said sincerely. "You're my gallant knight."

Malcolm waved Haska and Hoshi into the turbolift. "See if I ever speak to you during decon ever again, Hoshi Sato."

Hoshi grinned. Their last session in the decon chamber had yielded a lot of information. Malcolm had gotten very chatty about himself when he finally relaxed.

Haska's hand reached for the buttons as if they were tempting him. Hoshi blocked his way. "Let's set some ground rules," she said firmly. "You don't touch anything in Engineering. Lieutenant Reed is going to go get a doll-" She caught a sharp look from Malcolm. "- Sorry, action figure for you to play with in the Mess Hall. Understand?"

Haska gave her a contemptuous look. "You aren't my mother."

Malcolm winced. "Here it comes."

Hoshi glared up at the Rozat male. She shot Malcolm a quick and dirty look for not being very helpful. Turning back to Haska, she turned her glare up a notch. "We have protocols that we follow in order to interact with each other and with other species. You can either do as I request, or I can escort you back to your ship right this minute."

Haska rolled his silvery eyes. "Oh, all right. But I want to see that doll. The Boomers had dolls with pretty yellow hair."

"There's nothing pretty about Mr. Solo," Malcolm said briskly. "He's an action figure."

They emerged from the turbolift. Malcolm escorted them to Engineering. "I'm off to get that item you requested, Ensign. I'll be back." He nodded at Trip, then left them to go pick up the action figure.

Trip grinned at the sight of Haska and Hoshi. "Hey, kids. Welcome to Engineering." He led the pair through the tight spaces with a slight smile on his face. Hoshi wondered when he had realized that Haska was only a child. The Chief Engineer took obvious delight in showing them every nook and cranny of his domain.

Haska looked around and sniffed. "My maternal grandmother has a better matter/antimatter unit."

"Is that right?" Trip asked, putting his hands on his hips. "Well, my nana can suck eggs, sonny."

Haska looked at Hoshi suspiciously. "What's an egg?"

"I'm going to kill you," Hoshi blurted out to Trip. She hadn't wanted to explain a damn thing more to the Rozat.

The Chief Engineer grinned and said, "I'm going to have to refer you to Mr. Reed, then. Over here, Malcolm!"

The armory officer rejoined them. He surreptitiously slipped his action figure into Hoshi's hand. Hoshi sighed with relief, then handed the object to Haska. The Rozat held it up to the light in order to see it better.

"Oh my God," Trip said in a shocked voice. "You've had Han Solo on Enterprise all this time and I didn't know it?"

Malcolm's face reddened. "You don't know all my secrets, Mr. Tucker." Trip grinned at him. Hoshi raised her eyebrows, thinking, Malcolm still has secrets after that decon session with her?

Haska's large golden fingers curled over the small toy. "Can we go now? I'm hungry again."

"I knew you were going to say that," Hoshi said dully.

Haska looked up at Malcolm, his eyes shining. "Do you have any other dolls?"

Malcolm's mouth dropped open to say no, but Trip said hastily, "Hell, I've got someone in my toolbox. Hang on." The engineer disappeared for a moment, then reappeared with another action figure. Haska snatched it out of his hand before Hoshi could get a clear look at it. However, Malcolm blinked in astonishment.

The security officer gasped. "Dear God! Where did you get him? I've been searching for one for years."

Trip's grin was wider than his warp core. Suddenly, Haska fled out of Engineering, gleefully holding his new action figures above his head. Hoshi did a double take, then ran after him in hot pursuit.

She heard tangled comments from behind her as she tried to catch up to the fleeing Rozat. Haska moves quickly for such a large figure, she thought.

"-Goes everywhere I take that toolbox, Malcolm. We Tuckers have been collecting these for years."

"Bloody marvelous," Malcolm said. "I'm so jealous."

Trip laughed. "You think Captain Archer would let us rename Shuttlepod One after the Falcon?"

Malcolm burst out laughing. "Perhaps he will if we insist on having 'Star Wars' shown on the next movie night."

Hoshi shook her head, wishing she could hear that sort of warmth in her friend's voice every day. She never would have guessed that he could hide a secret passion so well. Action figures, she thought, bemused.

"Hey!" she said, as Haska skidded into the turbolift. The doors slid in her face. Hoshi spat out curse words in several languages. "Get him back, now!" Hoshi ordered the two men behind her.

Malcolm and Trip broke off their chatter. Trip frowned, then walked down the corridor. He paged Engineering. "I've got a lost sheep loose in the turbolift," he said. "Bring him back to this deck."

Malcolm grinned at the look on Hoshi's face, then wiped his smile away when the lift doors opened. He stood in the doorway to block it from closing. Haska growled at Hoshi as she ducked inside.

"You guys take the lift when it returns to this deck," she said darkly to Malcolm and Trip. "I need to blister the paint in here for a few minutes."

"Ow," Trip said. "Good luck, sonny."

Haska ignored him, absorbed by his new toys. Hoshi opened her mouth to begin her lecture, then paused. The Rozat outweighed her by twenty kilos, and was taller than Trip, but he was still a child. And he was finally a silent child at that.

"How about an ice cream sundae?" she asked, relieved.

Haska asked his little plastic friends, "What's a sundae?"

Hoshi covered her face with her hands.

---

Much later, Malcolm, draped in a sheet, opened the door to his quarters. A dull-eyed Hoshi stared at him, fatigue lining every bit of her body. Wordlessly, she held out his beloved action figure. He hastily took it and moved to close the door.

Hoshi shook herself, then held out the other action figure. "Could you give the other guy back to Trip in the morning? I'm going to crash." A yawn interrupted her sentence. "Captain Archer gave me permission to sleep in." She yawned once again. Malcolm clenched his jaws to prevent himself from yawning in response. Hoshi rubbed her face. "By the way, Haska's mom sends her best. She's been trying to teach him how play well with aliens for months, and I guess we did the trick, thanks to your action figures. Goodnight, Malcolm."

She dropped Solo's inanimate friend into his hand and wandered off, muttering about never babysitting again.

He shut the door and leaned against it. "Poor Hoshi," he said. He turned on the light and held up Han Solo. He examined the relic minutely. Han seemed to have survived his ordeal without a scratch. Malcolm carefully replaced his own action figure in the special box he kept in his desk. Then he returned to his bed and dropped the other figure on the pillow.

"Ugh," Trip said, covering his eyes. "The light."

Malcolm folded his arms and stared at Trip's solid form, and the action figure lying facedown on the pillow next to him.

"What?" Trip asked, scooting over to make room for Malcolm.

Malcolm unwrapped himself from the sheet he'd been wearing, then draped it over Trip before joining him. "At least you're human. I never thought I'd date you, you know."

Trip grinned. "Same here. Who knew a mutual admiration for action figures would lead to other kinds of action?"

Malcolm picked up the little brown guy from his pillow and set the action figure on the table. He glanced down at his own bare chest, examining the marks. He couldn't see the ones on his neck. "I'm going to have to call you Chewie when we're alone."

Trip grinned. "You go, Mr. Solo." He turned thoughtful for a moment. "If we build that R2-D2 model you were talkin' about, do you think Hoshi would rig up the UT to make cool noises for it?"

Malcolm turned out the light, and the stars shined through his window, giving him a new hope that like Mr. Solo, he'd always have a good man to depend on in a fight.

Trip growled in the dark.

"Chewie indeed," Malcolm said, hugging him tightly.

~the end~