Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: Slow Fall

Author: Qzeebrella

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Pairing: Archer/Reed

Rating: G

Category: Slash

Summary: Malcolm slowly allows his barriers to fall and ends up in decon with Jon.

Author's Notes: Written to warm up my poor winter frozen soul.

Archived to Reed's Armory on 04/13/2008. .

When facing certain death, I open up the barriers I have erected around my soul. I allow others to see the innermost me and my voice trembles with emotion, shivering under the force of such an exposure. For a moment or two, I lay myself bare and forget about the consequences of leaving myself unprotected.

Since coming onto Enterprise, I have allowed the barriers to fall three times. First with Trip on the shuttle pod, when we faced death by asphyxiation. Second with the captain on the hull of the ship, when I was pinned to said hull by a mine. The third was with the captain again, within an alien jail as we awaited execution.

Each time, when death did not come, I expected to be regarded with pity and revulsion for allowing myself to be seen at my most vulnerable times as the pathetic coward I truly am. Yet each time I was amazed, for neither the Trip nor the captain seemed repulsed by what they saw of my soul. No, quite the opposite. They seemed to view my allowing them a glimpse of the man I truly am as a privilege. Almost as if I had honoured them in some small way.

With Trip, my lowering of the barrier signalled the start of one of the best friendships I've ever had and a growing emotional closeness. He became my confidant, my partner in crime, my drinking buddy, and my best mate.

With the captain it signalled something quite different. Shortly after the incident with the mine, I allowed myself to relax my guard a bit anytime I was near him. He reacted to this by touching me more often, by clasping me on the shoulder, patting me on the back and even touching my bicep. Allowing the touches to last just a shade longer than a casual touch should.

He also started looking at me more often, both on and off the bridge. He'd just turn at me and stare for a moment too long, in such a way that it made me yearn for something I couldn't quite put my finger on. After a while, I noticed the looks he gave me were full of longing, as if he was wishing he could touch me. These glances became more and more frequent, causing me to begin to think of him as something other than just my captain.

Then we went down to a planet and I lost my communicator. This close call had me reaching out to him, while still on planet. Me actually touching his upper arm in an attempt to comfort. This astounded me and had me opening up to him in such a way that I never had before. I allowed him to see my heart in my eyes. I allowed him to see the longing I had within my soul for what he seemed to be offering with his glances and his touches. I allowed him to hear vulnerability in my voice and trusted him not to take advantage of it.

Which caused something unique to happen. That being, that once I lowered my barriers around the captain, I kept them mostly lowered. I even teased him on the Suliban cell ship, making him laugh. Once on the ship though, my nervousness around him returned for we were told by Phlox that we had to go through a long session of decon. To do this, just after acknowledging to myself that I was attracted to Jon was... overwhelming. Especially since I had allowed him to see that attraction. I entered the changing room and removing most of my clothing and then stepped into decon, dressed in only my boxer shorts. Then the captain stepped in and only my nervousness prevented an inconvenient reaction.

There he was, the man who had been touching me, looking at me, and making me constantly aware of him, dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts. I immediately started thinking of the ocean and doing my best to focus on that image as I approached him.

I think I called him sir and he reminded me that we were in decon and ranks were not allowed there, so I called him Jon. Then I looked up and saw him smile, so joyous and a bit amazed. His longing obvious in his eyes and I gasped. I tried thinking of the ocean again, but was distracted by how his eyes were as green as the sea. I tried to look away, so as not to let on just how attracted to him I was. But it was useless. I could not look away and I could not hide my longing. He saw it. He smiled and then he reached out and touched my hand.

The touch of his hand blasted the remnants of my barriers away and I stood there, allowing him to see all that I am. I swallowed hard and wrapped my hand around his, my heart thundering in my ears as I looked into his eyes and saw tears there. His eyes, oh his eyes were full of joy. His eyes were drinking in the sight of me. His eyes were so full of longing that I just could not help myself. I reached up with one hand and pulled his head down toward mine. I leaned up and kissed him. Allowing myself to barely taste him, savouring the moment.

He pulled me closer, wrapped his arms around me and held me close. The kiss deepened, allowing me to taste more of him, and there was a hint of love within it. It amazed me. Made me gasp. And I think I swooned.

We exchanged kiss after kiss, touch after touch, slowly exploring each other, and it became overwhelming. So much so I slowly backed out of the kiss. Needing a moment or two to absorb all the emotions I felt within myself, as well as all the emotions I felt within Jon's kiss. We held each other close for a while, just basking in what we had just found.

Neither of us wanted to let go, neither of us wanted to move, but we both knew that Phlox was likely to look in any minute now, so we let go of each other and picked up the decon gel. We smoothed the gel on ourselves, exchanging longing glances. Then Jon smiled at me, had me turn around and then he smoothed gel all over my back. His touches lingering a moment too long, turning into caresses that made me moan. Then I had to smooth gel all over his back and I just could not get enough of touching him. My hands lingering on his back, exploring him, teasing him and deliberately tormenting him. I made him moan. I made him squirm and I smirked with satisfaction.

We somehow made it through decon without giving Phlox a demonstration of human sexuality. We somehow made it back to his quarters without tearing each other's clothing off. We somehow were able to take the time to great Porthos before we turned to each other again. Then he touched me. He looked at me. And I was lost, in his eyes, my barriers no where to be seen.

~the end~