Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: Drowning In

Author: Qzeebrella

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Tucker/Reed

Rating: G

Category: Slash

Spoilers: Up to Season 4

Summary: Malcolm drowns in various emotions due to his relationship with Trip

Author's Notes: Each subtitle heads up a 100-word drabble, in honor of Drown Malcolm Month.

Archived to Reed's Armory on 7/01/2005..

JOY

Each moment was taking him just a bit deeper into the welcoming waters. Each minute bringing him closer to drowning in those sky blue eyes.

At first he had tried to say as far away as possible, erected as many barriers as he could and fought hard against the undertow of desire tugging him toward Trip. He kept his toes dry and most importantly his heart protected.

His downfall was in an unassuming shuttle pod. He was dragged under the water, forced under by the force of Trip's personality. Drowning in feelings friendship and feeling the first stirs of desire.

COLD

Waves crashed over him, pushing him ever closer to Trip. Despair and hopelessness filling his lungs, making it impossible to breathe. Looking up his eyes connect to Trip's and a lifeline is formed.

Talking, getting drunk, laughing together as the universe laughed at them. Sharing with him his failed relationships, fear of getting close. Mentions all the girlfriends but not the boyfriends.

Shivering, pain, shivers getting further apart. Sitting next to each other feeling warm and content. Wondering why they don't share blankets and body heat. Falling asleep next to Trip believing he would never wake. Drowning in the cold.

THE DANCE

An unexpected friendship formed through almost dying with each other. Arguments over his weapons modifications. Going to movies together. Sometimes talking of nothing at all. The light in those smiling sky blue eyes. The sound of his laughter.

Following his lead in the unofficial dance they were dancing. Into the "caves" on Risa behind the shape shifting thieves. Into the crawlspace of the automated repair station.

Even--god forbid--following him once into an Ingrid Berman movie and watching Trip flood the theatre with his tears.

The waters of friendship getting deeper as he drowns in their warmth.

TOUCHES

So many little touches of Trip's hand to his shoulder. Basking in the warmth of his presence as Trip stands behind him on the bridge.

Blinded by the glow of his smile as they sit in the mess hall eating. Caught in the waves pushing them closer. Swirling around him as they spent more time together, the whirlpool of desire pulling him ever towards Trip at the center. Trip kisses him.

He falls into Trip's eyes and falls into love as he smiles. Over his head in the waters of love that surround him, he breathes it in and drowns.

TIDAL WAVE

Mustering his forces, he prepares to tell Trip. Steps further into the waters of love and within a hair's breadth of telling him.

So very close and yet so terribly far from telling him when Florida is attacked. The resulting silence a tidal wave carrying Trip far away from Malcolm's reach Carrying him so far, so fast Malcolm is unable to grab hold of him.

Worry, fear, hopelessness attack Malcolm. The closer they get to Earth the further away Trip drifts. The light in Trip's eyes dies.

He drowns in anger and rage and I am unable to save him.

DEEP WOUNDS

We go down together to see the trench left by the attack. A deep vicious scar that destroyed all life in its path, matched by the one on Trip's heart.

He's said he wishes he had been here that if he had been maybe he could have saved Lizzie. That he wishes he had never stepped on Enterprise.

At the mention of a possible memorial service for Lizzie Trip attacks him. Knowing it may bring Trip closure he persists.

"She was no more important than any of the seven million dead."

He had not known you could drown in pain.

RAGE

Malcolm watches Trip sink deeper into the rage. The shadows in his eyes get darker as do the ones under his eyes. His mouth so grim, body so tense that the armory officer is compelled to help. He tries to knock down the barriers the engineer erected around himself.

Darkly amused by the irony of him trying to do for Trip that the blonde did for him.

Every time he does so he is blown out of the water and pushed away. Every lifeline tossed aside. Malcolm is forced to watch as Trip begins to drown in his own pain.

INDIFFERENCE

Malcolm begins to hear of how Trip goes to T'Pol nightly. Of how he looks flushed but not quite satisfied when he leaves her place.

He hears of how Trip spends time with Amanda Cole and how comfortable they are together. Sees the MACO slap that gorgeous bum and has to pretend not to care.

He hears of how the engineer and captain talk often of revenge and killing. Of Trip being friendly with Travis, Hoshi and Chef.

Trip avoids him and pushes the armory officer away any time he tries to draw near. The indifference suffocates and drowns him.

LONELINESS

He used to wake up in sickbay to the sight of Trip by his side. His face the first thing he saw and now he never sees the engineer there. Since the Xindi came the armory officer wakes alone in sickbay.

Bruised and torn from the latest battle, weary at the knowledge that no one came to see him. Empty at knowing no one will check on him before the next battle. Never able to wash the blood from his hands. Feeling colder than he did on the shuttle pod.

Soul aching at the familiar feel of drowning in loneliness.

CONTRADICTIONS

We prevail due to unlikely allies and impossible circumstances. We get back to Starfleet headquarters and are paid tribute to.

Hounded by the press for stories and asked for autographs. He never feels as if he has come home. Treated as heroes and told that all on Enterprise will be celebrated then traveling anonymously.

Told that those in the command staff are known by appearance and that we'll be greeted with friendliness. Then Phlox is attacked due to his race. Malcolm drowns in shame of humans, in pride of serving with the Denobulan and the contradictions that led them here.

HOPELESSNESS

We get back to the ship and learn Trip went to Vulcan rather than visit his family on Earth. Did not look up any old friends.

He hears muffled whispers that stop the moment people see him. He attempts to find out what is going on and is unable to for hours.

"I went to Vulcan with T'Pol and met her mother. Stood as a witness to her wedding, thinking I loved her. She was the only person I met who I enjoyed arguing with."

Malcolm stands open mouthed and frozen as pain swamps him and drowns him in hopelessness.

HOPE

"Hell, the only other person who gets me riled, pushes my buttons and gives me a thrill when arguing over everything or nothing is Malcolm."

And Malcolm is able to breathe again.

"I thought I loved T'Pol but I know I love Malcolm. I'm ashamed of how I've treated him lately and want to tell him so."

Malcolm dares to hope and steps to where Trip can see him.

Trip smiles at him, looking at him with love. That sparkle back in his clear sky blue eyes as Malcolm walks toward him. Willingly drowning in the love Trip is showing.

~the end~