Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: A Friend to Hold Onto

Author: Qzeebrella

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Tucker/Reed

Rating: G

Category: Slash

Series: I Will Not Stand Still

Sequel to: My Deepest Apologies

Spoilers: Cogenitor

Archived to Reed's Armory on 10/13/2003.

Trip sat and thought
On his Captain's words
Trip sat and thought
Remembering his pain
Of a heart and soul
Torn and bleeding
At the words his Captain
His friend
His brother
Had lashed upon him

Could he forgive?
Should he forgive?
Such excruciating pain?

O how he wished he had mot met
The cogenitor
Or 'Charles' race
How he wished he had not acted
Or interfered
No matter what Jonny said
No matter the words his Captain used
Oh so recently
The cogenitor's death was all his fault

Oh how could he bear
The pain
The guilt
The misery
Tearing at his soul

How could he bear
The thought of it
Knowing his actions had led
However indirectly
To 'Charles' death

Malcolm entered the observation lounge
Where Trip sat and thought
Seeing the pain on Trip's face
The way he was sitting
In a fetal position
Protecting himself from inner pain

'Oh how can I help you'
Malcolm wondered
'How can I ease the pain
Of one I have come to love
Of one I have come to cherish
How can I help you

How can I ease the pain
Of one who sees me
As just a friend
Who will likely
Never see me as more

Oh help me find the words
Whatever gods are listening
To fix the breaking of Trip's heart
To mend the tearing of his soul
Please help me find the words.'

"Trip please talk to me
I shall listen
To whatever you need to say
It hurts me to see such a good friend
In such obvious pain
I'm willing to lend you a shoulder
To cry on should you need it
I promise to keep your words secret
To never tell another
Anything you might say
I will do whatever I can
To help you through this
To help heal the pain."

"Oh Mal it hurts so much
To think I may have caused
The cogenitor's death somehow
That my desire to help
One I thought oppressed
Led 'Charles' to see no other way out

And for Jonny
I mean Cap'n
To tear into me
Not to realize
How guilty I felt
For him to lash into me
To tear into me
In the way that he did

I thought I had lost his respect
I thought I lost him as friend
I thought I had lost the one
I call brother
If it had not been for friends like you I don't think I could have gone on

Now Jonny has apologized
He wants to mend the tear between us
He wants to try again

I want his friendship
I need his friendship
But it still hurts so much
Oh what should I do?"

Malcolm wrapped his friend
Into a comforting hug
Encouraging Trip to lay his head
Upon Malcolm's right shoulder
He stroked the fingers of his right hand Through Trip's hair
Rubbed Trip's back slowly
With his other hand

"You do what you need to do
You allow yourself to heal
To realize the cogenitor had a choice
That 'Charles' could have chose life
To realize you could not know
Had absolutely no idea
That your actions would lead to tragedy That you need to forgive yourself
Before you can forgive the Captain

And perhaps you can start soon
To spend time with the Captain again
To try to rebuild the bridge
Of friendship between you
To mend the tear

You will never forget
That you felt such pain
But you can as will
Be able to heal
And realize

You are an honorable man
You are a compassionate friend
You are a decent man
One I'm glad considers me a friend
I shall always be proud to know you
Always glad I met you
Charles Tucker the third."

Trip turned within Malcolm's arms
And looked into Mal's stormy blue eyes
Trip gasped at the emotion he saw
Before Mal concealed it carefully

How had he missed such love
How did he miss this treasure?
Oh God how wonderful
Oh God how glorious
To have Mal in love with him
And he in love with Mal!

He kissed Mal gently
Encouraged him to open his lips
Tasted Mal's sweetness
Then reluctantly broke the kiss

"Oh Mal, I'm glad to have you
Glad to call you friend
I hope we can be more one day soon
Hope to make love with you
For I am in love with you

Would you like to date awhile
To see where we go
To explore our relationship further?"

"Oh yes I definitely would
Now we need to rest
We need to part for a little while
Will you be talking to the Captain soon?"

"Yeah I guess I'll try talking with him I want to try to remain friends
I'll go see him tomorrow
For now may I walk with you
May I see you to your door?"

"I'd like that Trip."
They walked together
Along Enterprises corridors
Smiling at each other
Touching hands
Glad that they discovered
That they both loved each other
And wanted more

When they reached Malcolm's quarters
Trip bent down slightly to kiss
Malcolm's lips so soft and sensual
They tasted each other briefly
Then reluctantly broke apart
Not daring yet to try for more

"Goodnight Mal, sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Trip,
Know that I'll always be here
To listen
To hold you
For I will always hold you dear."

Trip swallowed sudden passion
Hunger and desire
He did not want to rush Mal
Trip knew he had to heal
From the pain of 'Charles' death
Before he could be ready
To make love with Malcolm
In the way he deserved
He did however kiss Mal again
Deeply and hungrily
Before turning towards his quarters
Knowing his dreams would be
Full of Mal
And his sensuality.

~the end~