Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: Self-Affliction

Author: MJ

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Author's Web site: http://www.geocities.com/coffeeslash/mj/

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Archer/Reed

Rating: PG

Category: Slash

Spoilers: 4.15 Affliction, 2.24 First Flight

Summary: Malcolm makes a choice; consequences follow.

Comments: "Affliction" is the ENT episode that introduces the idea of what becomes Section 31 to Trek.

Archived to Reed's Armory on 07/01/2005.

Love, of course, is a wonderful thing. But if there's a word that, to a Reed, means much more than that, the word would be "duty". Duty always comes first. No easy feat to set sail for six months or more, leaving family behind, but duty comes first. Harder yet to save everyone on your ship but yourself, with a family waiting for you... but duty comes first.

And so, when I was ordered not to tell Jon about my assignment... after all, he didn't even know about my actual work for Starfleet in the first place... duty came first. You may argue I had a duty to my ship, to my fellow crew, to my captain, but I owed a greater duty to the section, to Starfleet as a whole, and, after all, to the whole bloody planet--which is of course why the Section exists in the first place.

Someone, after all, has to be willing to do whatever it takes.

A good many of us are, were, what have you. The best and the brightest, our recruiters and handlers all told us when they brought us in, and looking about our training, undoubtedly it was true. Security, tactical, communications, weapons research, stellar cartography, xenobiology--many of the best junior officers in Starfleet had been recruited for the Section, all of us lured by the cachet of secrecy, by the prospect of giving more to our work than others did, by the idea that the Section's work was what would really bring about the goals that other members of Starfleet only dreamed of seeing.

The word "intelligence" was used occasionally. The word "spying" was never mentioned.

The thought of being caught by the enemy horrified us. The thought of being caught by our own was unimaginable.

And so, hearing my ship's captain--my lover, as our Section leader very well knew--call me a disgrace to the uniform... accusing me of treason... that was something I could never have begun to contemplate.

The threat of court-martial--that was hardly my worst fear. The Section's quite efficient at sweeping things under the rug, with a well-placed coverup or threat, a timely unfortunate death--I don't suppose Jon will ever know the truth about Captain Robinson's so-called accident--or whatever else is needed to keep the inner workings of Starfleet "diplomacy" under wraps. Even the thought that the Section might find me expendable to keep the assignment secret was hardly the worst thing--after all, I didn't go into my official branch of service with a particular fear of death.

No... my worst fear was realized when I looked in Jon's eyes, there in the brig.

The knowledge that I've done my duty can never replace what I've almost certainly lost.

~the end~