Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive ..

Title: All in a Day's Work

Author: MJ

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Author's Web site: http://www.geocities.com/coffeeslash/mj/

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Archer/Reed

Rating: PG

Category: Slash

Spoilers: 4.17 Bound

Summary: How to ward off Orions.

Comments: If you didn't see this episode of Enterprise, we discover in it that the pheromones of the fabled-since-TOS Orion Slave Girls are so powerful that they knock human males into aggressive, testosterone-laden stupidity and give other women pounding migraines. Unless, apparently, you're psychically bonded with Vulcans. but the crew doesn't know that.

Archived to Reed's Armory on 07/01/2005.

Jonathan Archer, captain of the NX-01, sat at his desk in his ready room, security officer Malcolm Reed across from him. Both were staring dejectedly at PADDs in front of them.

"Twenty-five brawls," Reed sighed. "I don't even have that kind of manpower... we can't begin to cover that many situations. Of course, I think Kelby was in half of them...

"... and if I'd been thinking clearly, I'd have assigned female MACOs to guard those women."

Archer smiled at the latter. "Any gay male MACOs?"

Reed winced. "Sir, those Orion women's pheromones... frankly, sir, it doesn't seem to have mattered. The effect seems to be strictly gender specific, not... er... orientation specific. Would have been a little easier on us all if it had been... or maybe not. Kelby was enough trouble in Engineering; I wouldn't have wanted us to have had to subdue Kelly too."

The captain nodded slowly, lips pursed. "Hmmm... you may be right... but is there anything we can learn from what happened?"

"Regarding security, sir? I'm not sure we can really demand a pheromone check on all guests to the ship. Not that Phlox would object to doing them, I'm sure." Both men shuddered. "However, I think it's fair to say, speculating from what we know... or from what I'm surmising, given Commander Tucker and T'Pol, that perhaps their pheromones didn't work on anyone who wasn't sexually frustrated."

Archer stared at Reed. "Are you sure?"

Reed looked Archer in the eye. "With all due respect, sir, remember what happened on that Orion ship when those Orion women came out and started dancing. When I said I was completely unable to think, I wasn't joking. If something had happened, I wouldn't have been able to react. Obviously, I wouldn't have been able to protect you adequately."

Archer turned his attention to the desktop, grimacing. "I remember. Somewhat. My mind was turning into a pile of mush at the time."

"My point exactly, Captain. A ship can't afford to have its captain incapacitated in such a fashion. The Orions are still after you--who knows what they may do next? And for all we know, the Orion women aren't the only ones who are capable of doing this." Reed crossed his arms and looked at Archer sternly. "I can't guarantee the security of this ship or its crew if this is what sexual frustration causes, sir."

The captain turned back to Reed, obviously pondering. "So, what you're saying... is that neither you nor I can take care of this ship if..." Archer threw up his hands. "If we're not getting laid."

Reed returned Archer's gaze blandly. "Exactly, sir. If the only defense we have against Orion contact is, ahem..." Reed coughed. "...taking matters into our own hands, as it were..."

Now Archer raised an eyebrow. "I should think most of the crew is dong that already, Lieutenant, and it doesn't seem to have worked. The difference between that and your surmise about Trip and T'Pol is that in the latter case, two parties would have to have been involved. That seems to be relevant."

The security and armory chief sighed, conceding the point. "Apparently so, sir. Which would suggest that --"

"It probably suggests the same thing to you that it does to me, Mr. Reed." Archer grinned. "Do we have a problem with this?"

Reed shoved aside his PADD. "Respectfully, sir, you're aware I've always considered the rank issue to be a problem. However, if it's for the protection of the ship, I don't see how I could possibly object. It would actually be an essential component of my job description, as I understand it."

"Precisely. Care to meet me at my quarters at 2200?"

"No, sir." Reed shook his head vigorously. "Respectfully, if this is the problem, then I can't allow the security breach in question to continue that long. I'll have to insist that the matter be taken care of immediately. Otherwise, you'll continue to be unprotected for the rest of the day."

"Excellent point," Archer agreed.

"Glad you see it that way, sir. And as we don't know how long this holds--I don't think we're in a position to demand any of the actual details from Commander Tucker or the Subcommander--I would recommend that we need to... er... keep this security breach plugged as frequently as possible."

"I couldn't agree more, Lieutenant. Your dedication to ship's security is commendable."

Reed smirked. "All in a day's work, Captain."

~the end~