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Reed's Armory -- A Malcolm Reed Fanfiction Archive .. |
Title: An End to Dreaming
Author: Kalita Kasar
Author's e-mail: [email protected]
Author's Web site: http://kalkasar.ussimperator.com
Rating: R
Category: Slash
Pairing: Tucker/Reed
Series: The Dreams Series
Spoilers: Shuttlepod 1 and Vox Sola,
Summary: This is part Four and the final in the "Dreams"
series.
Malcolm and Trip finally resolve their feelings for each other.
As
best as I can tell (and I am biased) this fits well with the
previous
three chapters. It is unbeta'd so please forgive any glaring
mistakes. For those of you tired of bossy Malcolm, you might enjoy
this.
Archived to Reed's Armory on 11/25/2003
First posted June/July 2002
An End To Dreaming
Lieutenant Malcolm Reed sat in a quiet corner of the crew mess hall. As was customary at this time of night, the area was quiet. He liked to work there rather than in his quarters which could begin to feel cramped and claustrophobic if one spent too much time in them. His eyes were fixed on the data padd on the table in front of him, but he was not really concentrating on the readouts.
Instead, his mind insisted on returning to his last conversation with Charles Tucker III, when the commander had come to his quarters with the gift of liqueur; ostensibly to thank him for his part in the incident in Cargo Bay 2. Reed sighed softly. He knew he'd not been entirely honest with the commander, but he excused that lapse by telling himself he would be better not to get involved with Tucker. Even if the commander wouldn't admit it, Reed had seen the truth of things in the cargo bay when Tucker threw himself headlong into that situation in a hopeless attempt to save Archer.
He sighed. It was no use sitting here tormenting himself over the situation. It was obvious that Tucker cared for the captain, regardless of what Reed may have imagined in the engineer's attitude towards him in the past couple of months. With a small shake of his head, Reed forced himself to concentrate on the report he had started to read more than an hour ago. He read the first paragraph, realizing he'd read that same passage at least five times.
"Malcolm?"
Reed started and looked up to find Commander Tucker standing beside the table. He smiled, keeping it cool and polite. "Commander," he said in greeting, letting his eyes flicker to the padd for an instant.
"Mind if I join ya?" The engineer held a glass of milk in one hand, which he had obviously ordered from the resequencer. He raised it slightly. "Thought this might help me sleep," he said ruefully.
"By all means..." Reed indicated a chair and shut down the padd. He felt a nervous fluttering in his stomach and clasped his hands together on the tabletop, willing himself to calm down.
"Whatcha readin'?" Tucker looked at the padd, "More literary classics?" This was a reference to the book Reed had brought with them aboard Shuttlepod 1.
Reed shook his head. "I prefer to read fiction from paper books," he said. "It's not the same reading them from a computer screen."
"Right." Tucker sipped his warm milk and glanced around the room. "It's kinda peaceful in here late at night," He said with a small grin. "You come here a lot?"
"Yes." Reed nodded. "I find it less cramped than my cabin."
"I tend to stick to my cabin or engineerin'," Tucker said. "I really oughta get out more." The last was said with a rueful chuckle.
"You should." Reed looked down at the padd, changing its position on the table slightly."
"I'm keepin' you from your work." Tucker drank down the rest of the milk in his glass and made to stand up.
"No." Without thinking. Reed reached out and caught hold of the commander's arm. They both froze. Blue eyes met grey for a moment before Reed lowered his gaze. He let go of Tucker's arm. "Really, I wasn't all that absorbed in it."
Tucker sank back into the seat. "Okay," he said, "If you're sure."
Reed looked up and found those blue eyes studying him. He smiled and didn't look away. "Commander...Trip," he said softly. "I..."
"Malcolm, d'you think..." Tucker began at the same time, and they both trailed off laughing.
"Sorry," Reed said. "What were you going to say?"
Tucker was silent for a moment, lowering his gaze to the table. Watching him, Reed could see that there was some kind of internal struggle in progress.
"Malcolm, d'you think we could go somewhere more private to talk?"
"I'd like that."
They made their way to Tucker's quarters, talking about mundane matters; phase canons and reactor coils. Anyone seeing them would have thought only that they were concerned with the running of the ship, and Reed was glad that Tucker seemed happy to keep things on that level in public.
A few minutes later, seated in the commander's quarters, each with a steaming mug in hand, matters had taken a different turn.
Reed found himself enjoying the commander's company as Tucker talked about his training with Archer, and their friendship which had spanned several years before they were put together on board Enterprise.
But that friendship was what bothered Reed. He sighed and fell silent for a moment, staring into the steaming tea in his mug.
"Malcolm?" Tucker prodded gently.
"You have feelings for him, don't you?"
"Feelings?"
"I saw it ... in the cargo bay...I realized it then, when that creature took him." Reed looked away. "Do you love him?"
Tucker frowned and bit his lip. He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Feelings..." He glanced at Reed. "I told you, Malcolm. Jon and I are and always have been friends...nothing more than that."
Reed looked at him. "That's a lie, Charles." He searched Tucker's face for a moment. "I wasn't part of this 'one' you talk about, I don't have the ability to read your mind, but I know you're lying to me." He stood up. "When you're ready to be honest, you will know where to find me."
He walked towards the doors without looking back. Tucker may think that he could hide things from him, but he knew that the commander was lying. While that was the case, he couldn't even think of a relationship with the blond man. Honesty was important to him. He stepped into the hallway when the door slid open, but he paused when Tucker called his name.
The commander came to stand next to him. "You're right. You deserve better than this." Tucker rested a hand on Reed's shoulder for a moment. "Come back in here and...talk."
Tucker moved back to his seat and waited until Reed sat down. He drew a deep breath and looked into the lieutenant's eyes. "Malcolm, I guess you have the right to know exactly what's goin' on." He paused searching for words. "You asked if I have feelin's for Jon and if I am honest I hafta say, yes, I do have feelin's for him, and have had 'em for a long time." He sighed.
Reed let out his breath and nodded, but he stayed silent, watching Tucker's face carefully.
"You know how in every friendship, there is a moment...I don't know how to explain it...but there is this time when you know it could go either way?"
"Yes."
Tucker nodded. "I reached that moment with Jon a few years before he got this command. We were in Australia..." He rolled his eyes. "For survival trainin'."
"And?" Reed had to know, even though asking for the knowledge caused a dull ache somewhere in his chest. He needed to hear it.
"And one night we had a few more drinks than was smart, and he stayed an hour or two longer than he should've in my quarters." Tucker met his eyes. "It...didn't work out." He laughed, a soft, self-deprecating sound. "Our grand romance lasted until the next mornin'; when he sobered up, and realized what happened - he was outta there faster than a possum up a drainpipe."
"Ah." Reed looked into the clear blue eyes of the engineer. "But...you salvaged your friendship...that's something at least."
"Yeah...but it wasn't easy; it's not easy." The pain in Tucker's voice was unmistakable. "Sometimes I tell myself just how many kinds of fool I am for takin' this commission."
"Why did you take it?" Reed was genuinely curious.
"Are you kiddin'?" Tucker laughed. "I've worked for this...dreamed about it...for years. Why let one failed romance stand in the way of that?"
"Well, you never struck me as being quite that pragmatic." Reed smiled slightly. "Until now."
Tucker laughed. "Well, you got a point there, an' no denyin' it." He bowed his head, leaning his elbows on his thighs and turning the coffee mug in idle circles. "I'm not that pragmatic."
"When you came to my quarters the other night; what were you looking for?" Reed held his breath, wondering if Tucker would stay on the level, or avoid the question.
Tucker looked into his eyes. "I was lookin' for answers, Malcolm." He sighed. "I dunno, I had this whole idea in my head that - that maybe you cared about me more than just duty, more than just friends. I didn't mean to push you or anythin' just that some things kinda seemed to add up and I thought - I thought there was more to it than there is." That self-deriding laugh again, "I should know by now I'm not the best at readin' people."
"What difference would it make if I told you I do care about you beyond duty - or mere friendship?"
Tucker's head snapped up and his eyes widened. "You do?"
"I might." He watched as Tucker swallowed hard, saw the emotions that flickered across the other man's face in quick succession. He stayed silent, letting Tucker digest what he'd said.
"But?" Tucker asked.
"But, if there is someone else between us, it can't happen, Trip." For the first time, Reed used the man's name.
"I told ya, I don't think there's ever gonna be anythin' between Jon and I beyond friendship." Tucker looked away.
"You still hope for it though." Reed pushed the point.
"What difference does it make? Even now...even after The One; the bond that we had, he's obviously not interested. Nothin's changed, Malcolm."
Reed sighed. "It makes a difference to me, Charles. It matters to me." He couldn't come right out and say it, but Reed was jealous of that bond. He hated himself for it, but the fact remained that Archer held a part of Tucker...an aspect of Tucker's nature that Reed could never touch; at least not as intimately as Archer had. He sighed. "It matters," he said lamely, unable to articulate it any better.
"I don't know what to say, Malcolm...I don't know how to get it through to you that it doesn't make a scrap of difference to me." Tucker sighed. "Jon hasn't mentioned that night in Australia to me once since it happened. It's like it never happened. I guess we just moved on. I can't spend the rest of my life pinin' over somethin' that will never be."
Reed closed his eyes for an instant and drew a sharp breath. He pines over him...he admits it. He felt the twist of that desolate sense of loss that assailed him in the dreams he'd had before The One had come aboard. Dreams? He thought, more like premonitions.
"I don't know if I can just 'move on,' " he said softly. "It will always be there between us."
"Tell me what to do," Tucker said, his voice pleading.
"Love me." Reed replied, quietly insistent. "Love me...and forget about him!"
Tucker sighed and moved closer to Reed on the sofa, reaching for his hand "I want to be with you." He paused for a moment. "You know, when that thing had us...when you came into the cargo bay. I...we saw you." He drew back a little. "We reached out to you. You were so...alone. We could sense that and we wanted to change it."
Reed listened to Tucker's soft voice, the earnestness in his tone; he stared transfixed into clear blue eyes.
"If you hadn't set up that force field, we would have made you a part of our bond. But...you didn't want to be one." Tucker closed his eyes. "Malcolm, I've recalled that moment at least a dozen times since that day. The sense of loss...like - like losing something precious..." He trailed off and looked into Reed's eyes. "I never want to feel that again, it was a thousand times worse than Jon running out on me all those years ago. Don't push me away, Malcolm."
Reed made a small sound in the back of his throat as Tucker stared into his eyes. "I understand," he said. "I felt it too." He raised a hand and almost reverently touched Tucker's cheek. "I won't push you away..." He sealed his words with a kiss, gentle and searching at first, but deepening into something hungrier as Tucker responded with heat to the contact.
They explored each other's mouths for several moments until the need to breathe forced them apart. Tucker stared at him, his eyes wide with awe and then he leaned in and kissed Reed again, gently pushing him back into the arm of the sofa, covering his body and caressing him through his uniform.
Reed groaned, low in his throat and reached for the zipper of Tucker's flight suit, easing it down before he pushed the garment off the other man's shoulders, sliding his hands under the dark coloured undershirt and exploring the warm, smooth skin underneath.
Tucker's hands made quick work of getting Reed's uniform off over his shoulders too and they gently explored, hands sliding over skin, tracing the lines of muscle and sinew, exploring the contours of limb and torso.
Reed moaned, giving himself up to the sensations as Tucker pressed him gently into the sofa, his mouth and hands making explorative forays across his neck and chest. He assisted the blond man to get his undershirt off, returning the favour so that they were both bare to the waist.
"I need you," Tucker whispered between kisses. "Let me love you, Malcolm."
"Yeah..." Reed sighed, "Let's move this to the bed though, hmn?"
Tucker nodded, stealing a few more kisses before he reluctantly moved to let Reed up, moving towards the bed as they shed the remainder of their clothing.
Reed lay on the bed and watched as Tucker moved to join him. He arched his hips up to meet Tucker as the man moved to cover his body, their lips meeting in a tender, passionate kiss that left him gasping.
Grinding his hips a little, Reed groaned at the friction as his cock rubbed against the hard belly of his partner, he felt Tucker's erection nudge his hip and he shuddered with anticipation.
"I gotta have you, Malcolm," Tucker gasped, "I need to feel you..."
"Yes." Reed pushed the other man away for a moment, rolling to the side and reaching for the small tube of lubricant he kept in a drawer beside the bed. He pressed it into Tucker's hand and rolled onto his belly, placing a pillow under his hips.
"Are you sure you want this?" Tucker ran a hand down the length of his spine, drawing a shudder from him.
"I want you." Reed squirmed on the bed, longing mounting in him to a fever pitch. "Please, Trip." His last words were swallowed into a gasp as a lubed finger pressed into his body. He closed his eyes with a moan of need as the finger slid deeper, seeking and finding the sensitive cluster of nerve endings inside him.
Tucker gently prepared the darkhaired man for him, increasing the number of fingers until he was sure that Reed was stretched enough to accept his entry. He removed his fingers, moving to kneel between his partner's spread thighs and slowly, gently, pressed his swollen organ into the tight, hot flesh. He groaned, using every ounce of control he possessed to keep from thrusting all the way in, not wanting to hurt Reed.
"God...oh god!" Reed gasped, squirming a little as the sensation of being filled caused his mind to reel. His heart pounded against his ribs and he urged his hips backwards a little, letting Tucker know he was all right. "Take me, Trip," he said, "Now!"
Tucker leaned forward a little, pushing his cock all the way into his partner's body. He began to thrust, slowly, just the barest amount of movement until he was sure that Reed was relaxed and able to take more.
Reed cried out with need and raised his hips from the pillow, getting half onto his knees and rocking backwards to meet Tucker's eager thrusts. It was all the urging the commander needed and he let go his constraint and surrendered to the urge to pound himself into the other man's body.
"Yes..." Tucker threw his head back, arching his back as pleasure took over from restraint, he pounded Reed mercilessly, feeling for the first time since the alien had taken him in Cargo Bay 2 that he was not separate and alone. He was joined with someone...bonded; it was what he had sought since that day. Not just sex, but a sense of closeness and intimacy. Waves of pleasure rolled through him and he sobbed for breath.
"Malcolm!" He cried, driving his hips harder against the other man's body, delighting in the tight resistance as Reed matched his pace thrust for thrust. He felt a tight coil in his belly that wound itself tighter and tighter until with a shout, he couldn't hold back any longer. He slammed himself hard into the yielded body under him and let his passion take him over the edge.
Reed opened his mouth in a silent scream of pleasure as he felt his partner come. Driven almost to distraction by the repeated stimulation to the nerve endings inside his body, he arched against Tucker when he drove himself hard into his body. He closed his eyes, sobbing for breath as he climaxed. His breathing harsh, he collapsed against the bed, moaning as Tucker fell forward on top of him. He heard the commander whispering to him, but he couldn't make out the words. He shuddered, held close against the warm body of the blond man and concentrated on breathing and getting his heart to settle into a more regular pulse.
When coherence and breath returned, they shifted position, moving to lie on their sides facing one another. Reed smiled into the hazy blue eyes of the blond man. He didn't speak. There was no need for words.
Tucker brushed a hand across the lieutenant's forehead, smoothing dark strands of hair back off his face. He returned the smile and then moved closer, wrapping his arms around the slight frame of his partner and claiming his lips in a tender kiss.
Entangled in one another, they drifted to sleep.
~the end~
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