heart.
I stood amazed at the simple splendor of him,
familiarity that revealed a union assembled in
an eternity gone by, deja vu shared by two.
I, mesmerized by the visions he inspired,
spoke his name and felt each syllable dance on
my lips and tickle my soul from within.
His was the face I saw when my eyes closed
to welcome the dreams that came;
his voice a lullaby, enfolding me in
love's embrace until sleep slipped between us.
Each day I reached for him a little more,
surpassing all the strength I was aware of having,
reached for what he could not, would not, or
simply wasn't ready to give....
love without fear, uncompromising and real.
The love he gave was intense and fulfilling until
it faded into the shadows of his apprehension as it
always did.
Desire tightened its grip around my fragile
heart, defeating what remained of my own fear.
I never intended to fall so deeply, to expose the
weakest part of me,
but not doing so was a battle I lost each time
his thoughts were of me, inviting me into the
the nakedness of his own.
I never wanted him to know of the mistake I
made in hoping, wishing, dreaming of us as
it seemed we were never to be.
But unable to keep my own secrets, the contents
of my heart spilled before him like an open book.
He reached for me too, intermittently, fickle as
the tide rushing in to greet the shore
then receding timidly, perhaps when he felt
himself overcome by the current flowing between us,
dissolving in the liquid thickness of love rushing
over us.
I, in response to my own fear, let him go, telling
myself another like him will come just as he did
unexpectedly,
a necessary lie told to ease the ache left by his absence.
Though I let him go, I cling to the hope that
turned into the memory of him still etched in
on my soul.
The precious one who showed me just enough of
himself to make me mourn the loss of him when he
could go no further without believing the words he'd
said so often...hollow "I love you's" carefully
stripped of their meaning.
Another time, another place and perhaps our paths
would have merged instead of crossing and drifting
apart.
Perhaps our journey would not have lead us to sacrifice
love's dear life on the alter of fear.
RLT �2000
