A. Simon Jermond.
Q. Age?
A. Mentally stuck somewhere around 11.
Q. Occupation?
A. RSC member.
Q. Describe your personality in 5 words.
A. Short, likeable, innumerate.
Q. What is your favourite role to play in the shows you have done so far?
A. Salome.
Q. Out of the four shows which is your favourite and why?
A. The Bible. It's the only one they let me do.
Q. What is such a nice guy like yourself doing in with a crowd such as the RSC?
A. They have my folks hostage.
Q. Have you always wanted to be an actor or did you want to be a firemand at age 4?
A. I still want to be a fireman.
Q. What do you do before a show?
A. Get dressed.
Q. Do you get lots of fanmail? Anything interesting?
A. No mail.
Q. What are the differences between the UK and US audiences?
A. UK audiences are better dressed.
Q. Do you have any strange or funny talents?
A. Only the ones on display in the show.
Q. Have you ever been unable to stop laughing while performing? What did you do?
A. End the relationship.
Q. If you could be a vegatable what would you be?
A. Corny.
Q. In your opinion what way should toilet roll be fed?
A. By hand.
Q. If you discovered a planet what would you name it and why?
A. Instead of Uranus, I would call it Mybutt.
Q. Do you have any bad habits? And do any of the other RSC folk have any you hate?
A. I hate it when the other guys bite my nails.
Q. Have you anything to say to your fans?
A. Thanks for all the cool air!
Q. How much do you actually know about Shakespeare?
A. I think I could pick him out in a police line-up.
Q. Would you be willing to take a test to see?
A. Only if he's been charged.
Copyright 2002