I live in Krovgorod, Belarus, where I am employed as a secretary at a wig-burning factory. Chances are, I wish to punch your face because you live in Switzerland or America or some such place and do not have to worry about your flat collapsing upon you while you sleep or a new president seizing power every three days. I enjoy playing rock-style guitar, cooking puddings and watching them congeal in the ice-box, constructing elaborate lies, shirking responsibility, writing letters to Gheorghe Muresan, putting kisses on my boyfriend Jascha, dancing and caterwauling. My favorite band is Bill Haley and his Comets, my favorite movie is "My Giant" starring American Billy Crystal from California, U.S.A., and my favorite food is Turkish Delight, but only when it is made properly and spiked with opiates.